Snogging, sex and squabbles
by Equinimity
Summary: Is there more Lily Evans and James Potter than snogging, sex and squabbles? Hormones and complexities, all black and white? Or entirely grey? Discover the intimate lives of Lily Evans and James Potter. Rated T for some chapters M for others
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE Inextricably inevitable **

The splenidid sunshine streched across the raw earth reaching into every dark, damp hole and filling it with the glorious light and heat of the sun. The picture that stretched out before her wasn't particularly picturesque but the calmness of the morning filled every inch of the body with its face pressed upon the glass, eyes glazed over as though the realisation of the real world from the dream world had not yet taken place.

The sun light crept through the room over the desk filled with books, both scholastic and enjoyable, it slithered along the walls snaking until it reached the girl whose red hair was suddenly apparent. Almost startled by the warmth she looked over her various possessions that sat scattered throughout the room, giving it a dirty feel.

She inwardly sighed although the calm exterior did not show it. A small crease appeared on her brow; the adventures of the mundane and unmentionable returning to her again.

Slowly she unwound herself from the window and wondered back to the unmade bed. She wondered if she had enough time to return to a place where reality wasn't mundane, again she inwardly sighed. Although this was her favourite part of the day the struggle was always immense to commence the walk down to the Great Hall, but she knew she would have to feed herself eventually.

The light had now filled the room, illuminating the tiny particles of dust that floated around the room, dancing with each other as if intertwined by music that no one else could hear.

Change came quietly, yet it was change nonetheless and change that was important, although sometimes invisible as well as silent. As quiet as the cancer cells which multiply within the body. As quiet as ice which wears and rots beneath its white deceptive surface or the sperm which journeys towards the womb and races to its destination without a single sound- after the screams of orgasm are no more.

Change was very personal, much like the growth of hair for some in new places while it recedes in others. There was nothing to fear from this new day, much like there was

nothing to feel from the every other day this week. A change is as good as a holiday or so the cliché goes.

The red head watched her friends slowly begin the daily routine that they had followed for so long, not daring to question it, not wanting to question it; simply happy not to have to think about something extra.

She was not anything particularly special by others standards, reasonably intelligent but not a genius, pretty but not beautiful. However she did have a spark which people rarely saw these days, a passion for argument, a desire for passion and a longing for something more.

Most people bored her sometimes they were frustrating to the point of exhaustion, petty and uncaring. Almost as though they listened without really hearing. As though when they conversed with others they are simply waiting for their turn to talk.

The beauty and quiet of the morning had gone and was replaced with the hustle and bustle that was school life; a school environment was a jungle of its own. Each with its own rules that do not appear on any piece of parchment or that were enforced by any teacher. They exist and these rules must be followed.

She turned to face her friends, with their carefully applied make-up so as not to look to eager. She replaced the pensieve look with a polite mask that revealed nothing. She had nothing to hide and yet felt as though she was being intruded upon by their mere presence. The rise and fall of the mindless chatter was instantly boring and yet she loved these people for who they really were. Not who they were when they tripped and fell on a guy, not who they were when they sat and gossiped, but for who they were when they thought no one else was around. That was when their true nature is revealed, what really makes them completely unique.

She turned away from the chatter and watched as people arrived for breakfast. One such person was eating his breakfast slowly as though reluctant to begin the day. He had the look of someone that hadn't slept much with his messy black hair that stuck out at odd angles. The hazel eyes glanced up, knowing they were being watched.

His eyes connected with hers and for a second she imagined something passed between them. Imaginary or not it took her by surprise and she found that now her hair was not the only thing that was red.

The grey eyes widened as he watched his friend fixed in a moment. He was sure that his friend was completely unaware of him at this moment, as he was transfixed. A smile crept onto his face, lighting up his handsome features and chasing away the shadows under his eyes.

He was well aware that he was being eyed hopefully by a girl at the end of the table. He stretched and ran his hands through his hair, wondering what new surprises this day would bring. He watched his friend intently for a few more moments knowing that there would be millions of thoughts running through his head.

Without a word, he took a final glance at the messy haired boy and the red head and rose out of his seat. He was reassured when he saw the red head blush and though maybe this time certain efforts would not be wasted, maybe certain pains would not be felt again.

Casually sauntering along the rows he winked at the red head, letting her know not only had he caught her staring but he knew why. The girl had seemed untouchable, pious and full of disdain, but he knew she longed for escape as though it were written all over her pale face. Somehow he understood. He understood the bored look on her face at balls and the bored look when her friends squealed or complained about boys. And yet he did not feel the need to be guarded around her, she was a private person, polite but private. He knew anything he told her would never go astray or be revealed no matter what the circumstances.

His face fell again as heard some twittering behind him snapping him out of his thoughts and into reality. The frown and the shadows returned.

He was sure his past would come back to haunt him, eventually. His mind was plagued with thoughts. He wondered aimlessly towards the quidditch pitch, with some vague hopes of flying. He picked up his broomstick and kicked off from the ground hard. He soared high, loving the feeling as the wind soared through his fair, his problems seemed to be left to the ground. As the feautures on the land became smaller and the clouds came closer he felt more alive as though he could laugh or sing or be stupid for no apparent reason at all.

He felt flying could show him many things that teachers could not, it answered questions philosophers could not. As he urged his broom fasted he noticed a red haired girl heading towards the lake. He descended with a smile playing on his lips knowing that if he stayed out any longer he would see a certain messy haired someone follow her. Not wanting to interrupt he disappeared back into the school.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO Fuse and ignition**

Her red hair tied back, she headed towards the lake, its beauty never seemed to change and it was relaxing surrounded by soft green grass. Even though it was windy and cloudy she enjoyed the lack of students outside. Her favourite type of weather, the calm before the storm, all of nature preparing itself for the inevitable. Occasionally her mind flitted back to the piles of homework waiting for her, she as ambitious and almost always completed tasks set her, but she was tired of trying to impress everyone, there was no need.

As her mind took in the surroundings she paused for a moment, not to think about her muggle family or her ambitions, but to think about him. The messy black hair that never seemed to sit straight.

A smile came to her lips, he was popular and he knew it, but recently he hadn't played it up. He was more interested in studying than in enlarging his ego. She had noticed how she felt around him; quick to arch up, to take on the challenge of beating him at his own game. It was the only time she could express the temper that raged inside her, he was the only one that made her react, made her care.

Interrupting her thoughts the hazel eyes and messy haired boy sat next to her, not saying a word. There was no pretence here as there was no one else around to dictate the circumstances or the outcome of the meeting. There was no question in his eyes this time, no arrogant smirk. He was just being himself. This struck the red head as odd, expecting him to try a hand at being witty.

He lay next to her seemingly happy to be in her presence. She almost shocked herself by what she did next. Her mind had been so full of thoughts that she knew how to clear it. She glanced at him quickly, but his eyes were closed peacefully. She leaned over and placed her lips firmly on his. His eyes fluttered open as an electric current ran between them, which was something the red head had not expected. He felt him react quickly, he was shocked but he quickly pulled her closely to him, deepening the kiss. He rolled her onto her back still keeping her tightly in his arms.

She lay there unable to keep from smiling, as he kissed her again and again, unable to stop not that he seemed like he wanted to stop. He tasted sweet and she poured all her emotion into the kisses, the intensity, the fire, everything that was rarely seen.

He lay with her underneath him, kissing her neck and her collarbone softly and sweetly. He ran his hands through her hair. Not a word needed to be spoken. He brought his mouth to hers again and the red head opened her mouth tentatively and their tongues met as she opened her mouth wider and wider, feeling herself being drawn to him.

His hands ran along her neck as the intensity of their kissing increased. As though the true nature of themselves had finally been released and it was soaring happily between them. Playfully she rolled him over so that she straddled him, she liked the game they were playing and she winked to let him know it. Not surprisingly he willingly played along, but still there was no smirk.

She leaned in, her red hair framing her face. She bent down and kissed him softly, then gracefully rose to her feet and began the journey back towards the castle. He reached for her hand pulling her back towards him, cupping her face with his hands and his smile never faltered.

Emerald eyes met hazel ones, she looked at him as if to say 'I will see you later'. And she knew she would…

A ray of sunlight broke out from beneath of the thick clouds as he watched what was left of the sun set. He felt happier than ever and longed to discuss it with his trusted friend. The grey eyes sought his as Sirius turned to James. A wide smile broke out on James face and no more needed to be said.

His smile was acknowledged with a curt nod that seemed to know all, as if it were destined from the start. He returned his gaze to his surroundings enjoying the last rays of light as they disappeared towards the far and distant horizon.

Out of habit rather than anything else he reached his hands towards his head and ruffled his hair, grinning as he remembered the many arguments that had been spurred by this seemingly innocent manoeuvre.

He used to believe that the world was his oyster, that pranks and mates were the only things that mattered. But the red head knew different. He could see it in her actions, with her friends. Her maturity was almost on a frightening scale, and yet it was almost as though she wanted more than anything to a be a child again. The thoughts of someone who had grown up too fast. Glancing towards Sirius, who was now staring moodily at red crimson tassels, he saw many similarities in them.

As the night wore on he was unable to concentrate, anything seemed more important than the homework they had been set. He kept remembering the suddenness of the red heads actions.

These thoughts kept him occupied well into the night until he could take it no more. Quietly he swung his legs out from under the warm blankets and tiptoed across the room, careful not to wake any one.

The grey eyes were not asleep and they watched his friend creep out of the dormitory. He tipped his imaginary hat to his friend.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE Black, white and the grey infinity**

Laying awake the red head was going through the events of the day in her head. The normal start and the 'events'; which lead to her kissing James Potter and actually enjoying it. Knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep sho rolled onto her back, staring at the roof, wondering what tomorrow would bring.

Suddenly she felt someone slide in to bed next to her, at first this person was invisible but as the cloak was thrown off she saw the hazel eyes and the messy black hair once more. There was a mischievous glint in his eye.

He wrapped his arms around her, letting her warmth engulf him, it was a stark contrast to the cold outside. Quietly he brought his lips to hers wrapping his strong arms around her body and she moved towards him. She ran her hands through his hair and then reached inside his shirt and ran her hands down his back. She felt goose bumps appear on his back, knowing he was enjoying this immensely.

Silently and carefully she undid each of the buttons on his shirt pausing only to run her hands down his chest. He may have been a lanky boy but four years of quidditch meant he was toned and muscly. He brought his mouth back to hers again and again as if he couldn't bear to stop, each time kissing her more fiercely. He kissed her cheeks, her neck and her shoulders as his hands crept up her leg. Moving only to remove his shirt, which he tossed aside, he continued to touch her soft skin.

She could feel his skin against hers, his muscles moving as he ran his hands through her hair. He paused for a moment, searching for something in her eyes. After waiting so long he could hardly believe this was happening, she was underneath him, wearing only her underwear and voluntarily kissing him with all her mite.

He lay down beside her, as she curled up against him running his hands lightly along her arms and kissing her forehead. He couldn't help but smile remembering all those times she had turned him down, all the times she had screamed at him. They had all been forgotten after the kiss by the lake.

Glancing at the red head again, he couldn't believe she had let him in her bed. She was very tough and very independent, but likely to be very temperamental.

She turned over and wrapped her legs around him causing his thoughts to disappear at once. Her skin felt great against his and wished he never had to leave. Running his hands up her smooth legs he paused. He had waited so long for the red head to notice him, he didn't want to ruin anything, so instead he removed his hands from her thighs and gently wrapped them around her middle, caressing her back.

She sighed in appreciation as it sent a shiver up her spine. She couldn't resist him, all of the pent up tension between them, the arguments and his arrogance, it all meant nothing. Her whole body was on fire as they lay intertwined in the girls dormitories.

There was no need to ask how he got here, somehow those hazel eyes knew everything about the school. Its secret passage ways, the kitchens and where all the dormitories were.

With all the effort he had, he began to search for his shirt; he had to go, he didn't want to push his luck. Being with her was amazing, so passionate but he couldn't afford to get it wrong this time.

She put up a little struggle not wanting him to go and yet knowing things could go much further and would almost certainly wake someone up. He knew Lily wouldn't like that, there would be too many intrusive questions which only cause upset when she refused to tell her friends what was going on.

Annoyed yet grateful, the red head pulled her shirt back on too knowing he couldn't stay forever.

As quietly as he had come in, he left; this time out of the dormitory door.

Savouring the warmth he had given her a huge smile appeared on her face. She hugged herself and almost felt like giggling before she reprimanded herself. There was no way, even under the circumstances, would she act like her friends.

She fell asleep easily, happy and content although come morning no one would know why.

He crept down the stairs that lead to the girl's dormitory, but didn't go straight to bed. Instead he headed towards the warmth of the common room. He found staring into the fire was relaxing.

However, when he reached the common room he found it already occupied by someone. The person quickly turned around, the startled grey eyes looking for the person who had disturbed him. When they found the hazel ones, Sirius' face relaxed as he recognised his best friend.

Surprised James took a seat on the couch next to him. He had been watching his friend over the past few months, ever since he disowned his family. He knew that Sirius hardly ever slept. He was good natured and a happy type of person always willing to laugh, but he had grown steadily worse as the year had progressed.

For a few minutes they sat in silence each absorbed in their own thoughts. James leant back on the arm of the couch relaxed and comfortable as he watched the flames dance and flick. Sirius was sitting up-right and brooding.

His grey eyes cloudy once more, he glanced at his friend, who surprisingly had a mischievous glint in his eyes. James sprang up and raced upstairs knowing exactly what would cheer him up. He opened the door quietly and ran over to his trunk, excited by the prospect of breaking the rules.

He easily found his broomstick and rushed back down to the common room. Sirius had not moved an inch. James stood in front of him with three things: his broomstick, the map and the invisibility cloak.

The grey eyes took a grand total of two seconds to react. He jumped to his feet and followed James out of the room, leaving his thoughts behind.

They strode quickly through the castle and out onto the grounds. The air crisp and cool on their faces and the night sky was mostly clear. Making a small detour to collect Sirius' broom they headed for the quidditch pitch.

Once they reached the pitch the hazel eyes turned to the grey ones in a challenge. James leapt onto his broom and took off as fast as he could, daring Sirius to race. A challenge which he accepted well.

Giving him a two second head start Sirius kicked off from the ground and headed to where James was.

They only realised how early it was getting when the dark started to become grey. It was only then that they saw a small figure with red hair walk onto the pitch.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR 99 steps closer**

The red head had not seen them, they both hovered high up watching as she mounted her broom a little awkwardly. She kicked off from the ground and lost control of the broom for a few seconds. After regaining control, she began to perform a series of complicated loops and turns. She increased her speed with every repetition until she was just a blur.

Sirius and James looked on, James with his jaw dropped but Sirius with a bemused look on his face. True, she was a little unorthodox, but she was very good. It was obvious that she was not a natural at flying, but she had still perfected the art.

As she finished her routine, she hovered pausing to catch her breath. Suddenly she heard the sound of applause from above her and whipped around with wand in hand. She squinted but soon recognised the good looking boy and his friend with the messy hair.

They flew down to meet her, all the while James was scoffing in disbelief. Lily? A flier? The girl was full of hidden talents as well as hidden emotions.

A smile crept across her face knowing her secret was in the open.

"I was going to try for the Gryffindor team this year" she said in response to the unasked question.

There was no need to add that she had never been taught. Both boys knew she was from a muggle family. She had obviously taught herself to fly. James wondered how many times she had come down here to practise when she thought no one else was around.

Once again he saw a glimpse of that fire of her passion. Her cheeks were slightly pink from flying and hair was ruffled from the wind. This was definitely not a side James had seen before. He had a million questions to ask, but knowing her dislike for pushy questions and arrogance he decided to leave it for another time.

Sirius suddenly disappeared from sight. James made his way over to Lily and kissed her softly and sweetly, letting her know he was impressed.

Sirius returned moments later with a quaffle. As if testing Lily's reflexes he quickly threw it at her. She lunged at it and caught it, winked at Sirius and then took off towards the undefended goals.

James laughed out loud, ruffled Sirius' hair and took off after Lily urging his broom faster to keep up with her.

The three of them played until the sun began to rise properly and they knew their time was up. Sweat soaked, tired, but happy they trudged up towards the school.

Feeling elated from the mornings fun she had an idea.

"Follow me" the red head said as she beckoned to the boys.

Surprised by this suggestion, as Lily was not one to break the rules, but nonetheless they followed her.

They reached the statue of Boris the Bewildered, a lost-looking wizard with his gloves on the wrong hands. Lily walked to a door on the right and muttered _Pine Fresh_. She opened the door and once again beckoned the boys to follow her. She knew being a prefect had its perks and this was definitely one of them.

The room was lit by thousands of small candles, giving the room a soft welcoming feel. There was a huge rectangular swimming pool located in the middle of the room. Around it were other doors which lead to showers. These doors were covered by soft white linen curtains. Around the huge bath were many bejewelled taps.

Unable to contain himself from his inner child, James leapt forward and turned on as many taps as he could, squealing with delight when they produced gushing water with huge different coloured bubbles.

Noticing the diving board for the first time the hazel eyes could hardly believe his luck. Stripping down to his cotton boxers he ran to the end of the swimming pool and with a running jump off the diving board he landed with a giant splat that covered Lily and Sirius top to toe with water and bubbles.

Not waiting another second, Sirius also stripped down and went to attack James.

Tentatively the red head began to remove her flying clothes. She was a little shy about revealing her body, but a wolf whistle from James gave her the confidence to continue.

The hazel eyes never left her body as she entered the pool. The way her skin looked in the candlelight, it was amazing. She gently slid into the water, sighing as the warm water came into contact with all of her body.

James swam towards her and when he got there, he took her in his strong arms, gently lifting her off the floor of the pool. She wrapped her legs around his torso and proceeded to tease him with light kisses. He moaned softly in appreciation, drawing her closely.

The grey eyes watched the pair for a moment before quickly walking over to one of the showers. He drew the linen curtain back and yelled at Lily and James

"I'm going to have a shower now".

He neither expected or wanted a response and carefully closed the curtains once more.

The hazel eyes stared into emerald ones as he pushed her against the wall of the pool. Feeling their skin come into contact again sent waves of tingles throughout his body. The red head felt herself go weak at the knees but luckily the wall was behind her to stop her from falling.

James began to kiss her furiously. She wanted more of him, she couldn't get enough of him. Wrapping her legs firmly around him, she pulled him towards her. His tongue slid quickly into her mouth, and she reciprocated by meeting her tongue with his.

His hands caressed her body as she moaned softly, his touch felt so good. She removed her hands from his hair and removed her shirt. Smiling with delight James began to kiss every part of her that he could reach. He picked her up and carried her towards the piles of warm fluffy towels, his mouth never once leaving hers. He picked a large white towel and wrapped it around them as the red head lay down, pulling him with her.

His fingers traced the outline of her features. He ran his hands down to her stomach, kissing everywhere that he touched. He ran circles around her bellybutton. She felt completely relaxed and thought vaguely; maybe she should have stronger will power. But every time he touched her or kissed her, she couldn't contain herself.

Just as she began to remove his boxers, there was a loud bang from inside the linen curtains, followed by a loud cough.

"Oh I'm getting out of the shower, the shower, the shower, I'm getting out of the shower right about now, bum bum bum" Sirius sang ridiciulously loudly to give his friends the time they needed to untangle.

By the time he actually appeared Lily and James sat clothed and apart, apparently impatient from waiting from him.

"Took your sweet bloody time" James said with a grin.

With that comment Sirius 'accidentally' tripped and pushed James over. The boys took one last look at the plush bathroom, with it violet coloured carpet, marble roof and the huge swimming pool and said a hasty farewell. At this rate they were all going to get a detention if they didn't hurry to get to class.

Just a few more minutes, the red head thought sleepily. The nights activates had certainly tired her out. She felt like the entire day was dragging, as if little green men had come and stretched one minute into ten. Her mind kept drifting back to her warm comfy bed. If I can just make it through this class, she thought.

Beside her the two boys were holding up remarkably well. So well in fact that they were even attempting the work they had been set. The red head could not imagine where they got all their energy from, but she suspected this was not their first night out late.

Minerva McGonagall was a strict teacher and never let anyone lag behind in her classes. You had to attend and be willing to learn or you might as well have not come at all. Soundlessly they were attempting to turn their parchment into birds. It was particularly difficult as non-verbal spells were intricate and required a good deal of study to attempt them.

Somehow the hazel eyes and the grey eyes were enjoying this class. Sirius' owl was pacing the desk hooting softly and tried flapping its wings to fly. It was a soft tawny colour and quite big in size. James' owl was perched on this shoulder, it was a little smaller than Sirius' but much more affectionate. It kept rubbing its face against James' cheek.

Lily was watching the pair mesmerised. Her eye lids were getting heavier and heavier. She began to slump onto James her body heavy with fatigue. Without warning she completely fell onto James and she was abruptly woken by her head hitting the desk on the way down.

Much to her embarrassment she saw many girls laughing at her. She knew James was popular and they would think she was just throwing herself at him.

"All right there Evans?" asked James playing to the crowd, he only ever called by her by her last name when there were other people around.

She rolled her eyes, but the next sentence made her cringe.

"Just cos you spent last night with me, doesn't mean you can fall over me" he said with a smirk.

She was horrified, she gaped at him, her mouth opening and closing wordlessly.

She mustered up all her strength and punched him, straight in the nose. Blood was coming out of one nostril, he stared at her astonished.

"You arrogant, conceited toerag" she began her temper rising to the surface "don't you ever come within 20 feet of me EVER again, or I swear I will hex you into oblivion, got it?" Not waiting for waiting for an answer she leapt to her feet and strode out of the room.

She heard Professor McGonagall yelling after her, but she couldn't stop to think of the trouble she was in now, she was far too angry. How _DARE _he, how could she have been so stupid to think he had changed. She had almost slept with him. She could not believe what was happening, it was surreal.

She had barely noticed where she was going and realised she was no where near the Gryffindor common room, she had to double back. Muttering the password _Bowtruckles _she swung the portrait open.

Storming through the common room and up to her dormitory, she wanted to hit something. Her red hair was flying out behind her as she ran up the stairs. She wrenched the door open causing it to swing dangerously on its hinges. _Accio Broom _she yelled after spotting where she had left it this morning.

Turning on her heel she ran back down the stairs, out of the portrait and down towards the grounds. As soon as she felt the cool air on her face she swung herself onto her broom and took off as fast as her broom would allow. She urged the broom faster and faster until her eyes began to stream from the cool wind. Looking around she found the quaffle Sirius had left from the morning and she threw it towards the goals as hard as she could.

She did not know how long she was out there before a figure appeared beside her, from inside her robes she pulled out her wand.

"Lily please, I didn't mean it I'm so…" the hazel eyes began, pleading with her.

The red head cut in sharply: "Oh, its Lily now is it?"

She shot a bat bogey hex in his direction, smiling slightly when she heard its impact and flew away, not looking back.

The red head knew she couldn't miss anymore classes; she wanted to become an Auror and she was prepared to work day and night for it. Professor Flickwick would not be impressed if she missed his class. Glancing at the clock on the way towards the castle she realised she was already five minutes late. Quickening her pace to a run she set off for the East Wing. No conceited boy was going to ruin her future.

After successfully avoiding James numerous times she decided to go to the library to dodge going to the common room; where, she was almost certain, James would be waiting for her.

The rain lashed against the windows as the storm which had been on the cusp of breaking all afternoon, finally hit. The low rumble of thunder could be heard throughout the castle.

She paced the library with feelings of extreme agitation, she couldn't sit still. Finally she was so exhausted from pacing that she had to stop. She had refused to think about how upset she was all day, preferring to be angry and keeping busy to distract herself.

She put her head in her hands so that no-one could see there were actually tears in her eyes. Angrily she brushed them away, ashamed to show her emotions, afraid they would all spill out of her. 'An Auror doesn't cry' she thought to herself.

Sighing tremulously, she looked up as she heard footsteps approaching. Emerald eyes met the grey ones of James best friend. Before he could open his mouth…

"Don't even think about it" she shot at him. "There's no point".

Slightly taken aback with her harsh attitude after seeing the other side of her that morning, he switched tacts.

"We both know he can be a bit of a prat" he started "as can I" he added truthfully.

"Sirius why are you here?" Lily demanded tiredly.

"Because James has been incessantly whinging about how stupid he was and how much he cares for you. If your not going to forgive him then I'll go straight to Dumbledore because no one will be able to live with him after this" he finished simply.

The red head expected him to find this funny, but she turned to see him being quite serious.

The grey eyes wondered if someone with this temper would ever talk to James again. She was likely to ignore this incident as if it never happened, as if it didn't bother her, but trusting James with her need of privacy would be far more difficult.

She sighed again and on a whim said: "I don't know what to do"

Amazed that she had revealed anything to him, he took this as an encouraging sign.

The red head began to speak slowly, revealing her emotion to anyone was definitely something new to her, but she had watched Sirius. He was just as guarded as she was, and she knew, if she told him, it would stay between them. She told him about the anger she had felt, and how perhaps she was being unreasonable. She did not want to be treated as a trophy, something else James could say he overcame. She spoke about the petty games of teenagers and how James released who she really was, but she wasn't prepared to pay the price of being mocked by the entire school because they thought she had slept with him.

Sirius listened intensely, taking note of everything she said, and understood completely. After she finished revealing her soul, Sirius took her in his arms, much as a brother would, to let her know she was allowed to be a girl. He would not be disgusted or disappointed if she cried. She probably needed it, so much pent up emotion.

When she withdrew from his hug, she smiled at him, and he began for the first time to tell some of his story. With every sentence it was like a weight was being lifted off his shoulders. He told her of his family and their pureblood obsession and disgusting bigotry.

The candles burned lower and lower in the lamps of the library until the librarian who had apparently fallen asleep came to usher them out the library.

Lily and Sirius walked side by side as equals enjoying the comfortable quiet of the corridors.

They arrived at the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, but Lily didn't enter. She told Sirius she was going for a walk.

He entered the common room and found James asleep on the couch closest to the door, obviously waiting for Lily. He crept as quietly as he could towards the dormitory but James woke up anyway.

He looked tired and distraught. "Where is she Padfoot?"

Sirius took a moment to answer, "I don't think she wants to see you mate". With this comment James made an angry noise and turned back to the fire. The grey eyes looked out of the window and saw Lily sitting by the lake, James turned to see what his friend was doing and saw him looking out of the window. Before Sirius could see him he turned back to the fire, and Sirius left.

Hurrying to the window as soon as he heard the dormitory door close, he saw her and his heart lifted. The invisibility cloak and the marauders map lay at his feet, and he quickly scooped them up and ran out the common room.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE Quintessential **

Small drops of rain were falling on the red head who sat next to the lake. She was very tired but her body seemed unwilling to sleep. She began to shiver as her wet robes clung to her body.

Out of nowhere James Potter appeared. Extreme exasperation overtook her and she mustered the urge to hex him.

The urgent look in his eyes said more than enough.

"I'm sorry, I truly am". He said.

"You'll have to do better than that" she retorted and jumped to her feet desperately wanting to be in bed.

James jumped up and down in frustration. He could not believe his stupidity. He knew Lily better than she thought, and he knew how she hated his arrogance and any comments about her personal life. He had really screwed up this time. But how on earth was he going to make it up to her.

The time they had spent together over the past couple of days had been amazing, he would give anything to be back in her arms.

Mentally, he kicked himself repeatedly. He had waited so long for the red head to notice him, and when she finally did, what did he have to do? Piss her off. With a temper like hers it was hardly surprising when she broke his nose. She would be over the incident by tomorrow, but why did he have to try and impress everyone. He didn't like anyone else the way he liked Lily. There were many girls that were prettier than her, but her personality was something no one could rival with. The way she argues over what she was passionate about. The way she couldn't stand when her friends didn't read the newspaper.

He walked over to the nearest tree and punched it in frustration. This did nothing to help his exacerbation but it did hurt his knuckles a lot. _Episkey _he muttered at his knuckles heeling them with a flourish.

Picking up his cloak and the map that he had so hurriedly dropped he began to trudge up towards the castle. He made his way up to his dormitory hoping he would wake up tomorrow and find all of this a bad dream.

Several weeks passed before the rumours of Lily Evans and James Potter died down. Everyone assumed James was just showing off as there was no way Lily would ever go out with him, or so they thought.

After another failed attempt at winning Lily back, James was in a particularly bad mood, his frustration at new heights. After trying to vent some anger on Moony and Wormtail with no success he picked up his broom and set off for the quidditch pitch, even though it was pouring with rain.

The rain quickly soaked him through, and his teeth started to chatter. He couldn't see where the ground was anymore because of the heavy rain. Flying blindly he crashed into a goal post, breaking his ankle on the fall.

He swore loudly as he searched in vain for his wand.

Lily was thinking about seeing James. She missed the way she felt around him, but her pride was preventing her from doing so. Then an idea struck her. Why hadn't she thought of it sooner, _go and speak to Sirius! _Kicking the blankets off she crept up the stairs to the boys dormitory. Being ever so careful she turned the handle and found Sirius' bed. Gently picking up the covers of his bed she climbed in.

She knew he wouldn't be asleep. "What can I do for you Lils" he asked.

"Well, she said, I think I need to talk to James".

Quietly he chuckled, some people found it so hard to see the answer which was quite literally sitting 5 feet away from them.

"He's right there, go and talk to him" he answered simply.

Taking a huge breath she climbed out of Sirius' bed and slowly made her way over to James' bed. Only there was one problem, there was no James in it.

"Sirius, she said her voice slightly panicked, he's not here".

This woke the other members of the dormitory up, who, after getting over the shock of seeing Lily, stirred into action.

"Don't worry" said the quiet voice of Remus Lupin, "he stormed out about two hours ago with his broom".

Lily took one look at the weather and ran out of the dormitory and towards the pitch.

_LUMOS _she yelled when she reached the pitch. Light glanced out in all directions, and she searched in desperation for James, thinking something had happened to him. She found a wand which looked like it was James', taking this as a bad sign, she began to search faster.

She saw a small, drenched figure, crouched beside a goal post

She ran over to him, the mud flying up against her pyjamas.

Reaching him quickly she kneeled beside him, touching his cold skin. Seeing his attempt to make a splint for his ankle she mended it with her wand. She looked at him worriedly.

"Don't worry I'll be fine" he said "if you start talking to me again".

She gave him a small smile, silently agreeing, no more games from either end. She knew he would get hypothermia if she didn't get him warm soon. She helped him up and he leaned on her as they both slowly headed back to the castle.

Instead of returning him to his dormitory she took him to the Gryffindor bathroom and sat him in the shower. Hurriedly she turned the taps on, the hot water covering them both, until James' skin began to go pink.

Breathing a sigh of relief that no damage was done, she began to remove most of his wet clothes.

He made as if he was going to say something, but she hushed him, she knew he was going to apologise and explain, but there was plenty of time for that later. Seeing as she was already wet she shed the top layers of her pyjamas, knowing they looked pretty stupid with mud all over them.

James managed to fix his ankle now that he was warm. He strode over to the red head closing the distance between them.

"I never want to be apart from you again" he whispered to her.

Cupping her face he began to kiss her, trying to put in as much emotion as he could, to show her how much he had missed her. She backed up until she was against the cool tiled wall of the bathroom, and began to kiss him strongly and slipped her tongue inside his mouth.

With this action, he picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso, as he carried her to the deserted common room. They feel intertwined on to the couch in front of the fire which warmed them slowly. Not that they needed the warmth, for now James body was emanating plenty of it, Lily thought to herself.

Slowly the kisses changed from strong and passionate, to sweet and gentle. As Lily ran her hands down his chest, he began slowly to undo the many buttons of the shirt she had hastily thrown on in her efforts to find James.

Gently he pulled the shirt off and trailed his fingers down her chest and along her stomach. She moaned in delight as she closed her eyes, she didn't want him to stop. She snaked her arms around his neck liking the feeling of his skin on hers as he carefully rolled her under him.

Suddenly Lily, with a quick jerk, rolled James off the couch and onto the ground with a loud thump. Laughing out loud she jumped over the back of the couch as he jumped up to chase her.

"You're going to pay for that Miss Evans" he said with a malicious glint in his eye. He lunged at her and with a shriek she tried to dodge him. Unsuccessful she attempted to out run him, but he had cornered her.

"mmm, I think that deserves a fine of many kisses" he started as he positioned her against the wall, putting his hands on either side of her to stop her from escaping.

"Now now, no childish games Miss Evans" he jokingly warned as she tried to tickle him.

"Why Mr Potter, if you think I was engaging in such ridiculous accusations, you are quite wrong" she replied in a pompous tone; before wrestling him onto a chair and straddling him exploring the inside of his mouth with her tongue, her hands teasing him gently.

Gradually she began to get cold, the rain and her present lack of clothes weren't exactly helping her situation.

The hazel eyes noticed when her skin cooled to the point where she had goose-bumps.

"Looks like you need someone to warm you up" he demurred

"And I suppose you would be that some one?" she asked

James waggled his eyebrows suggestively as Lily rolled her eyes. Instead of commenting on his offer she walked over to the fire and sat on the furry rug in front of it. James sat on the couch behind her and stroked her hair, he hadn't realised how tired he was until this moment. A yawn from Lily indicated she was feeling the same way and she climbed onto the couch and lay in James' arms. As soon as her head hit to soft fabric of the wine coloured couch she feel asleep.

The next day dawned bright and sunny after the previous night's storm. The light swept in the windows and over the couple that lay on the couch, a tangle of arms and legs. The red head's eyes blinked open as the sun hit them and she stretched hugely, waking the hazel eyed boy. Normally, it's warmer in the morning, she thought to herself and then realised that it was cold because she was only wearing her underwear and her clothes lay strewn across the common room.

Cursing under her breath, she woke James roughly and collected her wet clothes, with a quick kiss goodbye she ran up the stairs to her dormitory praying that no one was awake to witness her coming in the door wearing only her underwear.

Her and James had come so close to sleeping together last night, this thought both scared her and excited her.

As luck would have it, everyone was still asleep as she tentatively began to dress for the school day ahead. At the bottom of her trunk she found a pair of lacy underwear that her Aunty Liz had given her for Christmas. Envisaging James' face when he saw her in these, she decided to keep them handy.

As the red head was dressing James burst nosily into his dormitory, not caring if he woke everyone up. He wrenched open the curtains that surrounded his friends four poster beds and yelled GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE at each of them before decorating the room with confetti from his wand.

"I can't work out which is worse" muttered a sleepy Lupin "Angry/depressed James or happy/bubbly James".

Peter just simply ignored what was going on and tried to go back to sleep.

"So I take it all went well last night" Sirius added slyly "just don't screw it up again, for all our sakes".

James drew his friend aside to tell him in private what had happened and how Miss Lily Evans had ended up in his arms wearing practically nothing. The grey eyes knew all, he could see it, and his friend was falling for Lily, hard.

**A/N: REVIEWS HURRAH, I never thought I'd get reviews!**

**Emerald Purity**: yes I quite agree about the dialogue thing! I'm just completely hopeless at dialogue, but I shall try!

**Jewels 5: **wow, that has got to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my writing, thank you so much for your kind words! Your quite right about the anonymous reviews section, I had no idea I was even doing it! Thanks for the helpful hints!

**Dreamlikecheese: **hmmmm, only 2 chapters? There should be four; I have no idea what's going on there! I prefer to write descriptively as opposed to mostly dialogue, I know everyone does not like this style but I'm glad we are on the same wavelength! Thank you so much for your comments on my writing, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX For many the sky is the limit, for those who love flying the sky is home**

Lily woke up with a jolt, and she felt sick in the stomach.

"_Quidditch try-outs today"_ she muttered to herself. Climbing out of bed she hoped to get the extra practise she needed for today.

After dressing quickly she made her way down the stairs but before she could leave the common room she spotted Sirius sprawled across the couch, staring intently at the ceiling. The more she got to know him, the more she began to realise how unhappy he was.

Clearing her throat loudly, she looked at him one eyebrow raised, a smile or her face and pointed to her broomstick questioningly.

With what looked like an immense effort Sirius heaved himself off the couch and went up to his dormitory to collect his broomstick. Sirius was a very good chaser and he didn't exactly have anything better to do than help Lily.

The grey eyes swept across the room, pausing to look at James who was sleeping soundly with a smile on his face.

Hurrying back down the stairs broom in hand Sirius wondered where he was going to stay at the end of the year. Now that he had no family, he was finding some areas of school life hard to take as no one would care if he didn't do them.

Lily and Sirius mounted their brooms, Sirius with quaffle in hand. Practising only simple drills they played until the sun had fully risen.

Instead of going to breakfast the red head remained on the pitch alone, waiting for the tryouts to commence. She sat in one the stands staring at the scattered clouds in the sky, feeling herself get more and more green with apprehension. She actually thought she might throw up, there were plenty of other brilliant players, what was she doing here?

She didn't want James to treat her differently because they were together, but she would be humiliated if she didn't get in; after all, how could she face James?

She barely noticed when other people carrying broomsticks began to appear on the field. Glancing around she noticed there were quite a few people trying out, probably because James and Sirius were on the team and their popularity was rubbing off onto the sport.

Groups of giggling girls stood around, pointing and whispering at the guys that were trying out. James strode out onto the pitch and after muttering _Sonorous _he said:

"All chasers if you could stand behind me, beaters to my left and keepers you're up first".

Lily watched as three people tried out for the position of keeper, only one actually managed to stop the quaffle and James looked highly disconcerted.

He nodded at the keeper who had managed to stop the quaffle and indicated for him to sit on the bench.

"Right" he yelled "Chasers in groups of three please".

From behind her Sirius grabbed her arm and the arm of another of his team-mates, a young woman in seventh year.

Winking at James, to let him know that they were going first he turned to face the other two.

"Alright you two, I know we're the best of the people trying out, so lets kick some ass" he whispered with a grin.

James threw the quaffle to Sirius as he took off to act as keeper. Passing it back and forth until they reached the goal post, Sirius threw it hard at the third ring. Easily making it through he let out a whoop of success.

"You'll have to do better than that Prongs" he yelled as they flew back to their positions. Lily could feel her heart in her stomach as they began to fly towards the posts.

"Yours Lily" Sirius yelled. Catching the ball Lily urged her broom faster and took a shot, the quaffle went right through the middle ring.

Sirius came over and they high fived and flew back down to the ground watching the other chasers. Some were quite good, but others could barely fly let alone score a goal.

"Right" James yelled "Black, Evans, Bones take your place on the bench please".

Lily felt her heart soar, all the early morning training, the endless practise it had paid off. Some of the chasers were better flyers than her, but she knew she could work well with Sirius and Amelia was amazing in her own right. Almost skipping over to the bench, she couldn't help but laugh out loud when she saw Sirius' face.

"I hate to say I told you so," he said.

"Well then don't" she retorted playfully.

Watching the beaters try out was quite entertaining now that she had got a spot in the team. Sirius was almost his old self, cracking jokes about all the beaters and laughing at the giggling girls who didn't seem to be able to fly.

The day now seemed much happier and full of potential. Having studied so much in the weeks she was not talking to James she figured she could take the afternoon off to celebrate.

Hazel eyes stared into green eyes as they clinked butterbeers while watching the sun set. The day had been peaceful after tryouts with Lily able to relax with James. They had found a secluded spot near the lake away from everyone where she was able to kiss him openly. She still didn't know where he had got the butterbeers from, but they were good so she didn't question it.

The sunk sank lower as the two lay together on the grass passionately kissing. It was only when the last rays of sun disappeared that they realised their day was up.

Slowly they made their way up to the common room where people sat doing study, playing chess or exploding snap or just relaxing.

As the night wore on, people gradually began to make their way up to bed. James who had been sitting on the other side of the room could not stop looking at Lily. His fingers itched to touch her skin again. He smiled at the memory of the last time they were in the common room alone.

As soon as the last person left he strode over to her and almost fell on her in his willingness to kiss her again.

Her lips were so soft against his as he brought his mouth back again and again only pausing for air.

Lying on the couch he put his hands inside her shirt and was teasing her lightly.

"Mmm, don't stop" she sighed closing her eyes. Smoothly removing her shirt he began to kiss her body, he couldn't get enough of her.

The red head pulled at his top before it came off, revealing his well shaped chest. He lay on top of her and she could feel the heat of their skin connect. He reached down and began running his hands up her legs. His hands reached her waist and traced the linings of her underwear.

Uncontrollably she moaned. It felt so good, she didn't want to stop.

"James" she started "we can't do this here, it's stupid, someone could walk in at any moment".

Lily thought for a moment he was going to suggest that she come up to his dormitory, but instead he stood up, ran up to his dormitory and returned with his invisibility cloak.

"Come with me" he said with a wink.

The two wondered the secret passage ways until they reached the seventh floor, when suddenly a door appeared on the wall. Lily could have sworn it wasn't there two seconds ago.

Opening it she saw a room elaborately decorated. There were three royal blue couches in the corner, but in another corner stood a huge square spa bath. The water seemed to be coming from a fountain next to it. The huge windows were set high on the walls and revealed the dark sky and stars above.

The red heads eyes travelled over the rest of the room which contained a huge bed which was surrounded by candles.

"James" she stared in wonder "where on earth are we?"

"This, my dear" he answered "is the Room of Requirement".

With one quick movement he scooped her up and started kissing her again. He made his way slowly over to the bed where they lay completely entangled. Lily ran her hands through his messy hair and down his back wanting to tease him. She brushed her lips against his neck and his collarbone and ran her hands down his stomach causing him to moan.

Slowly and sweetly he began to undress her, taking his time, respecting her body. Running his hands down her chest he reached inside her underwear causing her to moan loudly. Removing the last of her clothes he held the red head tight while she wrapped her legs around him. She ran her hands all over him knowing it would drive him wild.

They lay there covered only by a sheet kissing fast and hard. The red head rolled herself on top of him and teased him with her tongue.

"Damn girl" he whispered.

He rolled back on top of her drawing both of her arms up, pinning them gently above her with his own. She ached with desire as he touched her body. She wanted to feel him inside her, and she did. A feeling neither of them would forget.

A/N A million thank you's and more to those who reviewed

**Rockinfaerie**: WOW, you reviewed my story, and you actually like it! I absolutely love red, I think it's a masterpiece and I'm amazed that you like this story!

**Rayolis**: I'm so glad you like the descriptive nature of my story. I tend to over describe things sometimes, but it's how I like to write! Thank you very much for your comments, I'm glad you agree my dialogues are not the best and you are completely right…but I'm working on it!

**Dreamlikechesse**: yet again you flatter me far more than I deserve and yes I loved Lily Evans Diary! Yeah I got so fed up with Lily always being absolutely gorgeous, hating James, yelling and suddenly falling in love…just a little extreme! Besides James couldn't always be a prat, otherwise he wouldn't have got the girl! Hahaha, thank you so much for your review, means the world to me!

**LBuccalo**: I'm so glad that you like the style; I'm horrible at writing things full of dialogue! I usually read humour stories as well, just because people who are naturally funny completely amaze me! I'm trying to update regularly so I hope not to disappoint, I hope you continue to like the story!


	7. Chapter 7

**Dreamlikechesse: **I hope you get better soon, I updated quickly so I hope you like it!

**CHAPTER SEVEN You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it wear a cardigan**

The red head lay sleeping while the hazel eyes watched her with a smile. She was absolutely amazing, he loved her and he was so sure of it. He had been sure of it for two years but after being with her he knew it.

She looked so peaceful lying next to him, the sheets draped around her naked body. I could stay like this forever James thought to himself as he gently kissed her shoulder. Moving slightly he heard her groan with sleepiness as she turned towards him putting her arm around his waist and one leg over his. Gently kissing her cheek the red heads eyes fluttered open. It took her a moment to register where she was and then it came flooding back to her, this was the Room of Requirement, where she had slept with James.

A sense of urgency filled her body as she sat up searching for some sign that it was still evening and that she wasn't missing any classes. But outside the windows there were still stars in the sky.

Relieved she lay back down into James' strong arms as he absent-mindedly traced patterns across her skin. After a few moments she sat up looking around for her clothes, but James pulled her back down playfully, kissing her again.

Tickling him she jumped out of bed and started to dress, she had to get back to the common room before anyone noticed she was gone. Imagining the questions she would be asked she shuddered. The red head could just see her friends squealing if she told them what she had been up to tonight. It was very personal though and she didn't think she could share it with anyone. How could you explain the feelings between her and James? How could people understand why she had slept with him? The answer to the questions was obvious. They couldn't.

Throwing James the clothes they had tossed aside earlier Lily strode across the room to look out of the windows.

James snaked his arms around her waist as he stood behind her and also looked out of the window.

"We should go" Lily told him. Silently he agreed and collecting the rest of their belongings they left the Room of Requirement.

On her way to potions Lily thought about what had happened the previous night. Did she love James? Was she too young to be in love? Lily knew she felt very strongly about James and she thought she was in love with him, but would the passion die out? Could she stop loving him?

As she entered the dungeon she swept these thoughts aside. Professor Slughorn had already written up the instructions for the class. The red head began to collect the ingredients for today's potion: the Hiccoughing Solution.

Lily had always enjoyed potions and she found it relatively easy in comparison to her other subjects. Ancient Runes was by far the most difficult and she continually wondered why she was still doing it.

The N.E.W.T class for potions was quite small as many people hadn't received the adequate grade. Having received an Outstanding OWL Lily was safely one of the top members of this class.

Just as she began to add wormwood the dungeon door was opened by a pale faced Professor McGonagall.

"I am very sorry to interrupt Professor Slughorn, but may I please have a word with Lily Evans? She said.

"Why of course Professor McGonagall" he replied his beady eyes glancing at Lily.

Gathering up her materials she followed Professor McGonagall to her office. She wondered what was going on. The red head began to feel extremely nervous, were her marks really this bad? Another thought crept quietly into her mind, maybe someone had seen her and James together. Maybe she was going to be in lots of trouble.

Small beads of sweat appeared on her upper lip and snakes appeared in her stomach twisting and squirming, making her feel very uncomfortable.

"Take a seat Miss Evans" said Professor McGonagall, not unkindly.

"I am afraid I have some terrible news, there has been an attack on Elephant and Castle. A wizard calling himself Voldemort and his followers the Death Eaters apparently murdered everyone in the area, including your parents. No bodies have been recovered as of yet, but it appears as though your sister Petunia was out at the time and she has survived this attack. I am terribly sorry for your loss".

The red head looked at the stern teacher and almost laughed as if this was some ridiculous practical joke and someone would jump out and yell 'got you!'

Darkness surrounded her thoughts; they were gone, never to come back. She was all alone. She felt like she would throw up and wasn't sure whether or not to scream her head off or be sick.

Wait…they were gone? They couldn't be gone! Her parents had always been dull and intrusive presence in her life but they would always be around. They would see her graduate, she was sure of it.

"As to how we proceed from here, you are quite welcome to return home if you wish. Dumbledore is willing to make exceptions in relation to your classes. If you need anything at all you are always welcome in this office".

Without a word the red head rose from her chair and walked out of the room. She was hardly aware of where she was going, she just needed to leave, to get away. Escape. The word came floating in her mind as though it had been there all along. Escape. It was enticing she could just leave and never come back. She would never have to deal with any of this.

The grey eyes glanced over the Daily Prophet and saw the bold heading _'Mass attack in Elephant and Castle'_. Elephant and Castle, Elephant and Castle, where had he heard of that suburb before? Hoping to trigger his memory he kept reading. There were no names of those who had died and apparently many bodies were missing. A whole street had been destroyed, Idaho St. It all sounded so familiar. Nudging James in the ribs he pushed the paper to him, hoping his friend would recognise something he didn't.

The hazel eyes skimmed over the news and they stopped abruptly, widening. The spoon he had been using clattered to the floor and his face was pale and strained. Pulling Sirius out of his chair James ran as fast as he could towards the Gryffindor common room.

"Mate…what's…going…on?" asked a puzzled Sirius between breaths.

"Elephant and Castle, Lily's street, her family is…" he paused turning to Sirius "gone".

Memory flooded back to him, Lily had mentioned her family on the odd occasion. As realisation hit him he ran faster knowing they had to find her, she needed support. The two boys burst into the common room searching in vain for Lily. She was nowhere to be seen. They searched everywhere they could for her, the dormitories, the astronomy tower, the lake; but she was gone.

"We'll find her Prongs" said Sirius bracingly "We have to".

There was a soft pop and a figure appeared on Idaho Street. She was not dressed like a normal person, but appeared to be in long black robes. With stony eyes the young woman surveyed the street. It looked as though a hurricane had hit. Many of the houses lay in piles of rabble while others bore marks of being burned and charred. There was not a single house that did not look as though it had been through a war. Doors lay next to frames and some foundations remained. Some work had gone into clearing the wreckage, but it seemed as though there was no one around.

The young woman almost expected people to appear as though they had been hiding all along. Seeing a small figure in the dust she bent down and picked it up. It was someone's doll although many of the hairs had been singed. Placing it gently in her pocket the figure walked down to number seven.

This house was no different from the rest. The same austere outward appearance, but the young woman had singled this one out for a reason, it had been her home. She would never live here again however. The different areas of the house stood out at once, although she did not dare go upstairs for the foundations looked extremely weak.

There were no tears, no acknowledgement that this girl had lived in this house before, no acknowledgement that it had been her home. She had sworn that this would never happen to her, she was going to fight and take down as many of the people that did this as she could.

The red head had one mission, to find her sister for she had been told that she was still alive, to tell her the truth and then disappear. She was going to train, all day every day if she could. Learn to fight these people, learn about who they were and learn how to win.

Deciding she might as well look for her sister now she pulled out her wand and performed a concealment charm; she was not going to risk being held back by pushy relatives. No longer was she a child. The young woman tried several places before she found where her sister was staying.

Waiting outside in the cold, she watched her sister until she came outside to go for a walk. Muttering the counter spell to the concealment charm, the red head politely coughed to let her sister know someone was behind her.

The initial look of shock was quickly replaced with a scowl that clearly indicated she didn't want to see Lily. The sisters had never got along, this partly to do with the fact that Lily was a witch and Petunia was not.

"So you've finally come back from the freak school" Petunia sneered.

"I am under no misapprehensions that our parents death would have caused us to act civilly, I am here for one reason only, to inform you of how our parents died" retorted the red head.

"Well it's been a wasted journey for you then" Petunia began "I already know, it was a hurr…"

Before she could finish Lily interjected: "Wrong sister _dear_, it was not a hurricane or any natural phenomenon. It was an evil wizard and his followers". She swallowed before continuing "our parent's were murdered in a mass attack".

Petunia stared at her wordless before she asked: "So it was _your kind_ that did this?"

Lily could not answer this question because Petunia was now screeching at the top of her lungs "I do not ever want to see you again, YOU FREAK". Hissing loudly she returned to the house from whence she came.

With a sigh the red head walked to the end of the road, she suddenly felt very tired. She had been journeying for two days now and had had no sleep. Another soft pop took her back to her home, the only place she knew for now to sleep; at least it was cover.

Collapsing on the cold wood she fell asleep.

**A/N**: Thank you to Dreamlikechesse and LBuccalo for their constant encouragement and reviews, I love you guys!


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT About as useful as putting the pin back in the grenade**

The door to the classroom opened and the hazel eyes looked up expectantly as if to see a certain someone come in. He had done the same thing for three months, expecting the red head to return. Disappointed as usual, as it was only another student, he slumped back into his chair.

The usually good natured boy looked as if he had lost weight recently, his skin was pale and there were bags under his eyes. It was apparent he hadn't spent much time sleeping.

His best friend however looked in the best of spirits trying as hard as he knew to cheer his friend up; he had come out of his own depressed shell for James. No amount of jokes or pranks managed to keep him occupied for very long. He often disappeared for hours at a time to fly or to spend time in the Room of Requirement desperately trying to find the red haired girl.

The same thoughts flitted through his head, where was she? Why hadn't she contacted him? Had she forgotten about him already?

Christmas was approaching and while everybody else in the castle was preparing for the festive season, James was preparing to find her. He knew without asking that Sirius would come too, he cared about the red head.

Returning to the Potter manor after hours of searching, Sirius had tried his hardest to convince James that they would find her, but he was beginning to give up, she obviously didn't want to be found.

James went to bed but Sirius got out a piece of parchment and began to list all the places he had gone when he had disowned his parents. He and Lily were simular, maybe he could find her. Sirius only looked at night, knowing he would be the only one who could talk to her at the moment, James would be too dramatic.

Each night he left the house for hours at a time searching hideouts he had used, parks, popular wizarding spots. He thought she could possibly be taking revenge in which case she was probably still learning and searching for those who had killed her parents.

Occasionally he found what looked like promising signs, books left behind and occasionally possessions. But it wasn't until he was wondering the outskirts of Elephant and Castle that he heard what sounded like a dual.

"Come on little girl, is that all you've got" sneered a tall man dressed all in black "I'd have thought you'd want to avenge your parents death".

The red head shot a violent curse in his direction causing him to double over in pain.

In a voice he had never heard Lily use before, he heard her say: "I am not a little girl, and you can tell your friends that they better stay away from me". With a pop she had disapparated.

This looked like it was not the first time Lily had come into contact with Death Eaters, She was tough but it came across like this had come at the price of her emotions and happiness. Crawling into bed Sirius pondered these new developments; he wondered whether or not he should tell James.

The grey eyes decided against it, the fact was that he still didn't know where she was and he was no closer to knowing where she was. He did know now what she had been doing though.

Yawning he promised himself he would make an effort to find her and talk to her tomorrow.

Three weeks later and he had not seen her again and he was beginning to get frustrated. This girl was good. It was time to return to Hogwarts and James looked close to a mental breakdown. They had had three weeks to find her and instead they had found nothing.

Face pressed against the glass window James was once again absorbed in his thoughts, he had been sure they would find her, but once again his assumptions had yielded poor results.

He missed the red head desperately, he wanted her back. The nights were so lonely and there were no soft lips to kiss. His thoughts constantly drifted back to that night they had spent together and the passion they had shared. What he wouldn't give to see her again, have her back even if she was taunting him again. Was she really gone forever? Maybe he had spent enough time looking for her, maybe she didn't want to see him again.

Using his wand he conjured up snow from thin air, covering the compartment with tiny flakes. Peter and Remus hadn't tried talking to him as in their experience it was probably better not to try, than to be the subject of James' temper.

It had been that way for weeks when James suddenly spoke: "when's the next full moon? I want to have some fun".

"Fun for you perhaps" Lupin grumbled in reply. "Next full moon is the weekend after the Hogsmeade trip, which is next weekend".

A shadow of his old self flickered in his eyes and Sirius sat up a little straighter. With a grin James drew out his wand and Sirius followed suit "let's have some fun now".

Strolling down the train with his old swagger they reached a compartment at the other end of the train.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Snivellous" James began.

"If it's possible I think your hair has become greasier" Sirius said.

Before either side could launch a series of curses and hexes a voice came from the open door of the compartment.

"Now boys that is not a good way to start the term" said Professor Dumbledore.

The boys all dropped their wands and looked sheepishly at Professor Dumbledore. Before James could contain himself he asked:

"What are you doing here, sir?"

"For your information I was just on the lookout for a student that I hoped might be on the train. But it seems as though I was wrong".

A student he hoped was on the train, it couldn't be Lily could it? James hastily walked back to his compartment wanting to know what Sirius had thought. Moony and Wormtail agreed that it was suspicious, Dumbledore was never on the train, but they also agreed it could be any student.

The next week rolled by without any further event and the morning of the Hogsmeade trip dawned misty and grey. Students hurried out of the castle, hoping to get to Hogsmeade quickly to get out of the cold. Many students were gathered in the Three Broomsticks warming themselves by the fire or drinking butterbeer.

The grey eyes watched his best friend, thinking now might be the right time to tell him that he had seen Lily that night over the Christmas holidays. Under the pretence of needing some fresh air, Sirius and James wandered to the outskirts of Hosmeade.

But before Sirius could open his mouth they heard a young woman yell _Impedimenta_. A small group of voices laughed and one said: "You're going to need more than that to stop us". The same voice yelled '_Crucio'_. A small scream followed as James and Sirius ran towards the voice, James recognising it in an instance.

"Tell us, little girl, who are you working for". The red head gave no response and only spat at the feat of the hooded men. With a nasty laugh the voice repeated in a seemingly polite tone:

"Very well, have it your way. _CRUCIO_"

With all the strength she could muster she said:

"You must feel so brave, taking on a seventeen year old, with two others to support you".

"How dare you address me, mudblood" he replied but signalled for the others to leave. "Well it seems as though I am not getting through to you. Maybe this will loosen your tongue. _CRUCIO_".

James and Sirius burst out onto the clearing, but the hooded man had disappeared leaving the red head on the ground, cuts and bruises covering her body. Trying to heave herself up, she collapsed whimpering in pain. Her whole body ached as if it were on fire; no part seemed to be spared. At least two of her ribs were broken and warm blood trickled into her mouth. Groping the dirt for her wand she tried desperately to move but it was so painful, she breathed in sharply, wincing as she realised the extent of her wounds.

James ran as fast as could, desperate for her to be alright. They reached the clearning just as she slid out of consciousness.

"Sirius, she looks awful" James whispered.

The matron had removed most of her clothes before banishing the young men. It was enough time for them to see her thin body covered in cuts and bruises, some old enough to be scars. She looked tired and dirty, her robes were in pieces. The matron had reassured them that the red head would survive but would probably be in some pain for the next few days, not anything she couldn't cure, she assured them. It would mean she would need some time to recover.

Once she was cleaned, Sirius and James were allowed to see her, she had not yet woken up, but James was determined not to loose her again. He wanted answers. He wanted to know where she had been the past four or five months, and why her body was so battered.

Sirius decided this was not the time to talk to him and left him with Lily. James sat slumped on a cold wooden chair, falling in and out of sleep as the night wore on. All of a sudden she stirred and blinked a few times before things came into focus.

She looked up for a few seconds and then sighed deeply, she didn't meet his eyes.

"You…you're awake" James croaked.

"Yes it seems that way" Lily replied.

Another moment of silence followed. The emerald eyes did not meet the hazel ones. She knew he was disappointed that she had not contacted him. The red head hadn't meant to come so close to Hogwarts, it meant someone might discover her and she needed to work alone, it was easier to disappear that way. Dumbledore had already come to see her several times, but he could not convince her to return.

There was an empty vacuum where her emotions had once been, emotion now seemed like a pointless endeavour that would confuse her mission. She felt the hazel eyes travel her body, she knew he wanted answers.

"The cuts and the bruises are from the fighting I have been doing" she began. "The weight loss is due to the fact that I cannot always find food. I am dirty because I spend a lot of time hiding and running. I look tired because I don't sleep well and I spend every waking moment learning and researching" she finished still not meeting his eyes.

She was afraid if she looked at him she would not be able to restrain herself from regretting the fact that she hadn't seen him for almost five months. His cool hands touched her face:

"Lily, please, look at me" he said.

Turning slowly she looked into his eyes and saw a frightened degree of love. Damn his eyes, she couldn't resist. He leant towards her, aching to show her how much he had missed her, when Professor Dumbledore strode into the room.

"I wondered if I might have a word with Miss Evans alone?" inquired Dumbledore.

Hastening to excuse himself James walked out of the door.

"Well, Miss Evans, I was hoping you had time to reconsider my idea" Dumbledore started.

"I want to find them, I don't want to waste my time at school" the red head retorted almost rudely.

"There is much to learn here and you will find yourself better equipped I assure you. As for the matter of finding the people who killed you family, that is quite understandable. However for the moment I had hoped you would be content to leave that to the Ministry who have trained officials on the case as we speak" Dumbledore explained.

"But sir where will I go at the end of the year? I have no family" Lily asked, a little afraid of what the answer might be.

"You have some extremely concerned friends who offered immediately to take you in. It seems Mr Potter and Mr Black have been very worried about you. I would hate for them to have to worry again" he said with a smile.

With another smile at Lily, he rose gracefully and left the room, his long beard trailing behind him.

Although she knew she was comfortable and safe, she couldn't help wondering whether James would like the person she had become. It felt almost impossible to return to the way life used to be. Hands interlinked behind her head she gazed at the roof wondering how many times she had not slept recently; it definitely was not a pleasant experience, but she felt it was a necessity.

Left alone with her thoughts she did not notice when a young man entered the room. This figure was someone she knew well and now they shared the fact that neither of them had a family.

"I thought you would be awake" Sirius said wisely.

Although she didn't want to admit it to herself, she had missed Sirius. If there was anyone who could understand this mess of a situation it was him.

"You look like death" he said truthfully.

Letting out a laugh for the first time since her arrival at Hogwarts she turned to him. She knew she must look awful, she hadn't gone to a lot of trouble to take care of herself while she had been away, and there had been no point.

"Lils, you've got to take care of yourself now. You can't expect to fight them in the state your in now. A first year could come in here and disarm you" he told her, the worry in his voice blatantly apparent. "James was a wreck when you disappeared. He was so worried".

"I know Sirius, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I had other matters to attend to, I couldn't let James stand in my way. But now I don't know what's right and wrong". Before Sirius had the chance to ask any more questions she said:

"Well I'll have plenty of time to explain where I've been. I'm staying".

Sirius' face split into a grin and kissed Lily on the forehead, humming a tune as he skipped out of the door.

A/N: millions and millions of thanks for the reviews, they make my day!

**Madsdagirl**: WOW, this has to be one of the best reviews I have ever gotten, THANK YOU SO MUCH! And yes sublimely is a word and I am touched that you would use it to describe my writing; I'll try and make it longer for you.

**Dreamlikechesse**: I hope your feeling better! I really don't like Petunia either. I can't update for a few days, because I'll be away, so I decided to put a lot of chapters up really quickly!

**Cherrichik**: hahaha, I loved your comments! I'm so glad you like it, I'm trying to update as fast as possible!

**LBuccalo**: You are a god send! Not only do you like my writing but you review constantly and for that I thank you continually. This chapter was really hard to write so it means a lot to me that it has touched you.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHATPER NINE An open door policy when it comes to blame**

Rumours were flying around the castle about how Lily Evans had suddenly returned. There were many speculations about where she had been, but every one knew that she was in the Hospital Wing from being severely injured. A few days later the red head returned to classes ignoring the pointing and whispering.

She had not seen James since he had last come to visit and she was a little bit nervous about returning to classes. Lily had noticed however that Sirius was much happier than he had been previously. He joked at every available moment and was constantly laughing.

The moment she stepped into the classroom, Sirius motioned her to sit next to him. Avoiding James' gaze she tried intently to listen, if she was going to be back at school she had decided she was going to put in the work. That would not stop her however using the school's resources and keeping well fed.

The class passed awkwardly, Sirius trying to keep conversation natural and not forced, but it was extremely hard. At the end of the lesson she waited until everyone else had left, not wanting to endure any more whispering.

As she left the class room someone pulled her into a dark niche. She recognised these hands easily as they pulled her closer into a warm kiss.

"You didn't think you could avoid me forever did you?" James asked pleasantly, trying not to let her see how much her disappearance had affected him.

She slowly drew away from him and looked at him carefully.

"I don't expect you to understand" she said simply, now was not the time to complicate things.

Instead of having the desired effect of relaxing James, she saw him arch up immediately.

"No, no, of course _I _wouldn't understand" he yelled "how could _I _understand anything IF YOU TELL ME NOTHING. You just disappear and expect me to forget about you. I searched for you Lily, every day and every night and all you can say is _you don't expect me to understand. _I could've helped you Lily, I would have been there for you, but NO, YOU HAD TO DISAPPEAR."

With this comment he side stepped the red head and furiously strode away. Standing stock still the red head could not believe what had just happened. Sirius had mentioned James being upset, but she had no idea it had been this bad. Feeling a rush of sympathy towards Sirius she began to walk towards the Great Hall for lunch.

Helping herself to generous servings of everything Lily began to eat slowly and carefully, savouring the food in her mouth. It had been difficult at times to find food. While she ate, Lily let her eyes casually take in the surroundings.

Everything was so different here, so tame. By the time her eyes reached the end of her table they had narrowed in suspicion. For once she didn't see the hazel eyes staring at her, or anywhere near her. In fact they seemed quite content looking into the eyes of pretty blonde fifth year who was giggling at one of his jokes. 'So this is how it's going to be' she thought 'childish James, very childish'.

Over the next few weeks, however, Lily's opinion changed dramatically. If he wanted to play games, so could she. She wasn't going to let him make a fool out of her. Two could play this game.

It was well known that James Potter fancied Lily Evans; he had hexed any boy who had shown a remote interest in Lily for the past two years. It was time for a little childish payback of her own. But where to start?

The first thought that came to her head was revenge; perhaps a little misfortune would come to those who James was going to kiss. Green hair, orange pimples, huge comic lips, the list was endless. The first step was easy. While James was fast asleep in the common room she performed a serious of spells on James lips. Grinning at her handiwork she skipped off to bed.

The red head didn't have to wait very long to see the results. A pretty brunette, the object of James' latest affection ran screaming past the hall her head covered with fluoro green hair. Chuckling she helped herself to a generous serving of breakfast. Far from guessing what was going on, James looked bewildered thinking he had done something wrong.

Sirius however had seen Lily laugh and shrewdly guessed what she was up to. Events of the next week certainly were entertaining for anyone who was around. A rumour was spreading quickly that James Potter had a horrible disease and that anyone who kissed him would have something terrible happen to them.

The only person who did not find this extremely amusing was James himself. As he did not know what the spell was he could not reverse it. Sirius did try to help him occasionally but only half-heartedly, as he didn't agree with James' methods. He was surprised that Lily had reacted at all, but perhaps this was a good sign.

Unbeknownst to James, Sirius had been spending a good deal of time with Lily. Neither of them spent much time sleeping and both wanted revenge. Spending huge amounts of time in the library they worked their way through the restricted section.

They also used the Room of Requirement which always contained a great number of useful books. One night they were working late when the door opened and James and a girl tumbled in, quite obviously not keeping their hands to themselves.

"Oops" the girl giggled and turned around, but James frowned at the scene before following the girl out of the room.

Instead of seeming annoyed Lily burst out laughing: "she won't last very long" she said between gasps. "I can't wait to see what happens to this one!"

"I KNEW it was you" Sirius chuckled, he couldn't quite contain himself.

"Mmm, not one of my finer moments, but the spell is a piece of work. Just a little revenge" she said grinning evilly.

"Are you still interested in James, after everything that happened?" Sirius inquired, trying to make it sound like this was an offhand question that anyone could ask.

The mood shifted instantly as the red head thought carefully before answering. It was true she was missing James, but it really seemed like he wasn't worth the effort if he was going to sleep with every other girl just to make her jealous. Thinking about the hazel eyes looking into someone else's while they slept together made Lily feel slightly sick.

"Not anymore I'm not, looks like he's got his _hands _quite full at the moment" she said coldly, turning back to her book.

Sirius wanted to tell her that James missed her desperately; he was almost a different person. These girls meant nothing to him; he was just trying to get her attention. He had not made any attempt to sleep with them as he just wasn't interested. In truth they bored him. They just weren't Lily.

Looking across at Lily again he hoped that these petty arguments wouldn't last long. He had seen James' look when he had come in. He was going to be so mad about Sirius spending time with Lily.

Over the next few days James remained frosty to Sirius, but it was time for step two of the red head's revenge plan. Approaching the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain she smiled flirtatiously and winked, sliding onto the bench next to him.

Next weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend and this young man sitting next to her was going to be her date, although he did not know it yet. Spending at least half an hour flirting she excused herself politely and walked towards her next class only pausing to shoot a 1000 watt smile back at the young man who looked quite dazed.

Sitting promptly next to Sirius she could not help but smile when she saw James scowl. Feeling a drop of pity mingled with her dislike she wondered if maybe she was going to far. Perhaps enough was enough? Then the thoughts of James with at least four other girls in the past week came to mind, she was going to finish what she set out to do.

As the red head and Sirius walked out of the class a young blond man interrupted them, the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain had come to speak to Lily. Sirius raised one eyebrow but remained silent. Smiling hugely at him Lily asked what he wanted. He answered a little nervously:

"Uh, Lily, would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?"

He shot a glance at James who looked ready to kill. With a most un-Lily giggle she gushed:

"Of course I will go to Hogsmeade with you, I'll meet you at the main entrance at 10 30. See you then".

The girls in Lily's class broke out in furious whispers about this latest piece of gossip while James stalked off wand in hand, fully prepared to jinx the entirety of Ravenclaw just to get back at him. However before he could get very far strong hands stopped his rampage. Silently fuming James looked at Sirius and yelled:

"WHAT?"

"You wanted to play games she's just keeping up with you. You didn't really think she wouldn't catch on did you? You pissed her off and now she wants revenge, if your civil she may actually forgive you eventually. Just be careful".

James shook off Sirius' grip but couldn't shake off his words. Alright, so jinxing all of Ravenclaw possibly wasn't the best idea. Instead he resigned himself to study.

The morning before the Hogsmeade trip Lily was walking towards the Greenhouses when someone stopped her. Drawing her close to him, she looked up into his eyes, but they were not hazel eyes, they were a brilliant blue.

"Aren't I supposed to be meeting you tomorrow morning?" she said lamely.

"Yes, yes you are but I wanted to give you something before then" he answered calmly and without waiting for her to ask what it was he placed his lips against hers. The red head was so surprised she just stood there, and she began to feel something tickle her face. She looked up towards his face and found his eyebrows growing at an alarming rate.

Wait…she thought. _Eyebrows growing? _These were characteristics of a certain spell she had put on James, but it couldn't be.

Storming into the common room she yelled:

"JAMES POTTER COME HERE RIGHT NOW".

She could feel her face going red from frustration and irritation. James who was sitting in the corner with Sirius trotted over to her. She yanked him out of the portrait door and started hurling abuse:

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? MAKING HIS EYEBROWS GROW, I KNOW THAT HEX, YOU BETTER REVERSE IT OR I AM GOING TO KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS".

"Lily dear, have you not noticed that this is the same spell you put on me two weeks ago. It took me that long to find out what it was so the matron could reverse it. I think I should be commended for my research, it was very hard to find" he smirked.

"You arrogant prick, you think you can prevent me from going out with someone? Just because you can't have me" she hissed at him, her words dripping with venom.

These words had an immediate effect and two of them began throwing insults at each other.

"BITCH"

"EGOTISTIC JERK"

"COW"

"PAIN IN THE ARSE"

"BETRAYER"

"ASS…

The red head began but she did not get to finish for James had swept her up into his arms and kissed her with all his might. His kisses were hungry as he wanted to kiss all of her at once. Without thinking the red head kissed him back, she had forgotten how good this felt and many of her lost emotions came rushing back to her.

Kicking the door open to the nearest classroom James placed Lily on a desk, where he leaned over her his mouth never leaving hers. Furiously they began to tear at each others clothes, it had been so long and the passion was starting to consume them.

Gently she bit his neck playfully teasing him as his strong arms drew her closer. Ripping off his shirt she ran her hands down his chest causing him to moan, he wanted her so badly. This was everything he had missed about her, the passion, the fire, he realised it couldn't live without it.

He slipped his hands under her shirt as a moan of appreciation escaped her lips.

"You realise" she said "that tomorrow we have Transfiguration in this classroom!"

He laughed but picked her up and gave her back her cloak.

"Your right" he said, trailing kisses down her neck "there's always tomorrow".

Instead of reprimanding him she laughed out loud and followed him to the common room. Laughing and joking she sat with James and Sirius playfully commentating on their game of wizards chess. Their fellow Gryffindors were returning to the common room from dinner when Lily did something unexpected. In full view of everyone she kissed James letting her tongue dart inside his mouth.

It was worth it just to see the look on James face and the look on everyone else's faces who were suddenly quiet. Sirius however grinned hugely and thumped his best friend on the back, whooping and cheering.

He said to Lily: "You realise there'll be no living with him after this?"

"This calls for a celebration" he yelled and disappeared out of the portrait hole, returning minutes later with arm fulls of butterbeer, mince pies, Honeydukes sweets and Firewhiskey.

Remus and Peter had been watching the scene and proceeded to decorate the common room and loud music was coming from somewhere.

After several large drinks of firewhiskey the red head collapsed on James happy and little tipsy. She kissed him again and her hands found their way to his hair. Most people had gone to bed but the marauders and Lily remained until Sirius yelled:

"Oi, you too, get a room would ya?

With a wink that said 'I might just do that' James carried Lily upstairs to their dormitory with Sirius yelling behind them:

"No you idiot, not OUR room".

He had nothing to worry about as Lily had fallen asleep in James arms as he gently placed her in his bed. He drew the warm blankets around them as he gently caressed her body. Occasionally he frowned when his fingers found a scar, but Lily was back and he was happy once more.

A/N: I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG! I've been away, but now I have returned!

**LBuccalo**: Once again your reviews have touched my heart! Thank you for your kind words and feed back. Hopefully you enjoy this chapter!

**Dreamlikecheese**: Hopefully by now you are better, being sick sucks (now I'm using alliteration as well!) I apologise for the wait on this chapter, but from now on I will update as fast as I used to. Thank you a thousand times for your reviews

**Rayolis**: I think you have reviewed every chapter, WOW…THANK YOU. It is so lovely and one of the highest compliments.

**Madsdagirl**: hahaha, I'm glad you like my reviewer response. Any one that gives me detailed reviews, and ones as lovely as yours, deserves a detailed response! It's just my way of thanking you for reviewing!


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10 Price tags advertise your pride**

The next morning dawned clear and sunny, mist rising off the ground as rays of light passed over the luscious green grass. Tiny droplets of dew produced equally tiny rainbows. James Potter was beginning to wake up when he felt a warm body lying next to him. Shocked he turned towards the body but one glimpse of her red hair and a smile came to his face.

Lily was once again in his bed. Groggily she murmered 'morning' and slid her arms around his bare chest as he kissed her lightly. She groaned quietly as her head pounded from the alcohol consumed the previous night.

Gently James kissed her lips as he ran his fingertips along the ridges of her back and down her legs. The red head returned the kisses warmly. James sat up slowly and drew the hangings of the four poster bed around them for a little privacy.

She slid underneath him as he returned, one hand cupping his face. Carefully she removed her shirt off enjoying the feeling of James touching her body while he kissed her neck.

The curtains were wrenched open and a huge smiling Sirius Black beamed down at them until he realised that they were half naked. It was hard to tell who was more embarrassed, Sirius or Lily, as the latter bolted up and drew the covers around her chest.

The sudden movement made her feel extremely ill. Grabbing James' shirt she hurriedly put in on and raced for the bathroom.

James scowled at Sirius not impressed that he had interrupted them.

Sirus however had completely forgotten his embarrassment and was laughing heartily.

"You…should…have…seen…the…looks…on…your…faces" he said between laughs.

Lily had returned still looking quite green but quite oblivious to the fact that the other members of the dormitory were now awake. She was clad only in James shirt and her underwear, until James hurriedly brought her a blanket. He wasn't prepared to share Lily with anyone.

The grey eyes scanned the room and he leaped up as he found what he was looking for.

"Here this will help with the headache" Sirius said as he threw Lily a small bottle from the Apothecary.

Lily didn't need to be told twice and she drank the entire potion with one gulp. Immediately the pain in her head began to lesson and her eyes adjusted to the sun light.

"Ah Hogsmeade today. I've been hanging out for some Honeydukes chocolate".

The mention of the trip to Hogsmeade brought a horrible realisation to the red head. She was supposed to be going with a certain someone who had kissed her yesterday, she had promptly forgotten all of this after making up (and out) with James.

Sirius noticed the frown on her face and worried look in her eyes.

'Don't worry' he whispered 'he's still in the hospital wing with enlarged eyebrows, too embarrassed to come down apparently'.

The red head felt a little relieved but she knew she couldn't avoid him forever, especially as she had kissed James in front of the entire common room and was now in his dormitory. She would face the music soon enough, but until then she was going to enjoy her Saturday.

Still feeling a little guilty the red head decided not to go to Hogsmeade, instead she resolved herself to finding her broom and practising for Quidditch. In all honestly she was quite surprised James had let her back on the team. Promising herself she would not let James down she changed into her new Quidditch robes and strode down to the pitch, but found it already occupied with a group of Ravenclaws.

Stranded with her own thoughts for a few minutes, she hesitated not knowing what to do. She was sharply reawakened when the quaffle soared towards her. Jumping on her broom she reverse passed it back to a girl with short black hair, who immediately grinned.

"Well, well, well" the girl said "the famous Lily Evans is playing quidditch again. We only won against Gryffindor because you were absent".

The old Lily would have smiled politely, but she had been through too much now to worry about everyones feelings all the time. Enjoying her new feelings of confidence she said in a mock pompous voice:

"Well as long as you don't expect to win the cup, we'll get along just fine".

This made the others laugh. The small group spent the remained of the morning playing three-a-side Quidditch. They could teach the red head new tricks, some of them looked like they had been born on a broom.

The red head smiled and joked loudly with them enjoying being back on a broom and getting back into shape.

Walking with them towards the changing room she pulled off her Quidditch robes and she heard someone gasp. Her cuts and bruises were still healing and she had some rather obvious scars.

The girl with the short black hair and eyes like a hawk simply told the others to leave the red head alone.

"Those are marks of the Crustacious curse" said the girl once her other friends had left. Before Lily could ask how she knew the girl had taken her own shirt off revealing her own scars.

"They never quite heal, although I recommend murtlap essence".

Lily smiled, this girl had obviously been through hell. She held out her hand,

"Lily Evans"

"Alice Carter".

They acknowledged each other with a curt nod realising they would trade stories and secrets later.

"Say" said Lily on a whim "normally in the evenings I practise duelling. Do you want to come?

Flashing her huge smile she said:

"I thought you'd never ask. I knew you and Sirius Black were up to something, always in the library. My friends thought perhaps you were fooling around, but it never quite sat with me".

Linking arms the two began to walk to the castle, furiously arguing about whether the Tornado's would win the cup this year or not. Lily liked this young woman, she had a personality, interests, she was honest at any cost and was not afraid to be outspoken.

Most importantly she hated the dark arts and was determined to fight them. The girl had a talent for making Lily laugh, for some reason everything she said was very funny, most of it was honest observations that many people didn't make.

That evening Lily and Sirius were sitting in the room of requirement practising non-verbal stunning. Mid way through Sirius' first attempt the door swung open and Alice immediately shot a non-verbal stun at Lily.

Recovering she thought 'not bad', she'll definitely be an asset. Sirius shone Alice a winning smile that would melt most of the hearts in Hogwarts, but Alice seemed to be oblivious to his charms or perhaps they simply bounced right off her. She smiled simply and turned to Lily, wand raised with a smile or her face, but before she could try and disarm Alice the door opened again and in walked James.

"You didn't really think you could leave me behind did you"? he said in a tone of mock offence and immediately began duelling with Sirius.

Alice and James already knew each other from Quidditch so an introduction would be pointless. The four of them practised hard, Alice was much better than she was, but she had got a few good shots in.

The only other career Lily had taken any interest in was healing, so she mended the other three's cuts and bruises, using both her talent in charms and in potions.

The black haired girl watched the three at every opportunity. They were very interesting people and her own friends were too mindless sometimes; it would be good to have somewhere to go to escape the dreariness. She watched James and Lily and smiled, obviously there was something between them, the way they glanced at each other when they touched or how careful James was around her.

Sirius on the other hand was an entirely different matter, she thought. He was definitely handsome but in his eyes were mysteries, the kind that would only be revealed over time. Although he was good to look at, there would be nothing between them. There was no chemistry and she couldn't be bothered trying to hex all the other girls who wanted him.

Thinking for a moment more she decided these petty girls could never have him, perhaps he would use one or two of them, but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't look at them the way James looked at Lily.

Putting the cushions and books away the group was about to leave the Room of Requirement when a tall boy ran in panting. He apparently didn't realise anybody was in here.

Coughing politely the young man whipped around, grabbing his wand from inside his robes. The young man ran his hands through his hair nervously; obviously he was trying to get away from someone.

Lily recognised this young man by his face, he was in Gryffindor also, but not in her year. He had the appearance of the strong silent type, but his reflexes were quick.

He grinned and apologised, explaining he couldn't afford to have a detention and he had seen Mrs Norris in the corridor. Apparently he didn't even know the room was here. He glanced over the four of them, pausing on Alice, taking in every inch of her. She remained as she always did with one eyebrow arched in anticipation.

Quietly he opened the door and peered outside and without warning he was gone.

"Well that was unexpected" Sirius said, but he noticed when Alice blushed. It was only for a moment, but he had seen it. 'More interesting developments' he thought to himself as they headed back to the common room.

A/N: Not one of my best chapters! So sorry.

LBuccalo: I don't know how you continually find wonderful things to say about my writing! I got really sick of Sirius being an absolute prat, or a sex god; it's just been done so many times. Thank you again and again for your reviews, they mean the world to me.

Rayolis: I'm so touched you liked the previous chapters, however you may not like this one, even I think it's a bit dodgy! Thank you for your kind words.

Madsdagirl: I'm glad you noticed that I tried to make my characters have flaws! Every time I read a Lily and James story, Lily was gorgeous and James was hot and rich and almost nothing seemed to go wrong! A tad unrealistic and very boring when they seem so perfect, it drove me crazy. Normal people can't be like that! Thank you again for all your reviews 

Dreamlikecheese: I like to update quickly, I have most of my ideas already down and some of the chapters already written so its fairly easy to update! Your reviews always make me smile! Thank you thank you.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11 The conclusion in which nothing is concluded**

Unable to sleep the black haired girl tossed and turned. The young man who had appeared had caught her off guard for some reason. Emotions were completely unhelpful, they distract you and one becomes illogical and irrational. Trying furiously to shake him out of her head she reached for her journal hoping if she wrote it down, maybe it would make more sense.

Turning to the page where she had left off, she grabbed her quill and some ink. But then she paused. What exactly was she going to say? Nothing had happened, she didn't know his name and she felt sure he hadn't noticed her.

With a sigh she returned her possessions to the floor, knowing she would probably loose them again. She had a horrible habit of misplacing things, it wasn't that she was forgetful, she had a very sharp mind it was simply the fact that her mind was working so fast some days that memory wasn't that important for the little things.

Tossing and turning she tried to get comfortable, her sleep patterns were so bizarre. Sometimes she could sleep for weeks and still be tired, but others she could only sleep an hour or two and would be fine for days at a time.

Not being able to sleep made her irritable, it just felt like such a waste of time, but being tired was awful in itself. She racked her brains for the cause of her angst, perhaps she was going mad.

Uncomfortable and extremely annoyed she closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of the things that were keeping her awake.

Instead she took in her surroundings, the smooth polished wood of her bed and the blue velvet drapes that surrounded her. The fabric seemed to fold in on itself and shone like the night sky.

Wrinkling her brow in concentration she tried to remember what the young man had looked like, but now that she thought about him the features of his face became increasingly hazy.

Tossing the blankets aside the walked towards the stone window. The moon shone bright and illuminated the grounds. It gave Hogwarts a mysterious air as the silvery light hovered in the mist.

Sighing she leant against the stone window hugging her legs to her chest. The grey stone was cool against her skin and filled her body with creeping cold. A snore from a fellow student abruptly shook her out of her thoughts. Shaking her head at her own folly she crept back to bed, feeling the mulled warmth of the covers once more.

Bleary eyed Alice stumbled out of bed, she knew she was running late. Her body protested the sudden movements and all she really wanted was to be back in bed. Racing down to the Great Hall she shoved some toast in her mouth, there was no way she could survive without breakfast.

Grabbing her bag she sprinted to her first class, but regretted coming at all after five minutes. History of Magic was without a doubt the most boring subject in the world. The Proffesor was a ghost and seemed oblivious to the fact that people were absent mindedly staring out of the window or drooling on their parchment.

This class was with the Hufflepuffs who never seemed very interested. Alice tried in vain to concentrate but the reality was that watching the grass grow outside was more entertaining. She knew she should have given the subject up last year, but she didn't want to do divination.

She began to scribble aimlessly on a piece of paper before she had an idea. Raising her hand she asked the Professor if she could go to the bathroom. Any excuse to get out of the classroom, there was still 45 minutes left of class and she wasn't in the mood.

Strolling along the passage ways she saw Mrs Norris, a wave of panic overtook her, she couldn't be caught, and detention was a waste of time.

She ran along the passage ways and straight into someone. Without glancing to see who it was she whispered quickly, 'Mrs Norris' and jerked her thumb behind her to indicate where Mrs Norris was.

The young man pulled her into a broom closet quickly before she had time to see who it was. She found herself looking into familiar blue eyes, it was the young man from the previous night.

She raised one eyebrow in question, but he merely smiled at her and put a finger to his lips indicating that they should be quiet. She could feel his eyes checking her out. She tried to look cool, but she began to feel uncomfortable.

The young man pressed his ear to the door, opened it and began to stride away from her.

"Wait" she called running after him "aren't you going to tell me what your name is?"

Without stopping he yelled back at her:

"Where's the fun in that?"

Alice felt slightly annoyed that he had not given her his name, but at the same time she was determined to crack the mystery. That was the second time they had 'run into each other'.

Suddenly she realised that she had been 'in the bathroom' for half an hour now and not wanting the entire class to think she had bowel problems she hastily returned to class.

On her way to lunch she met Sirius Black who winked at her heartily and began to speak. However before he could get a word out Alice had reached into her pocket pulled out her wand and silently jinxed him so he could not speak.

His eyes widened in surprise but he quickly took up the challenge, she saw his lips distinctly mouth 'your going to pay for that'. They threw jinxes at each other all the way to lunch. He smiled and laughed until he saw some girls giggling and pointing at him. He scowled and rolled his eyes.

"Always the same" he said "they don't even know me".

Alice was surprised by this comment.

"They don't want to know you, they just like the way you look. They think it will boost their popularity if they go out with you" Alice retorted but at the same time she felt a teaspoon of pity mixed in with the pudding of indifference.

As she entered the hall her eyes surveyed the tables looking everywhere for the young man, but of course he was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, where was he?

But before she could contemplate the mysterious young man Lily and James had entered the hall holding hands causing many people to whisper furiously to their neighbours. It suddenly sounded as though there was a wind whistling through the halls because of all the whispers.

Lily however did not look intimidated what-so-ever. She simply winked at James and kissed him on the mouth before sitting down and helping herself to lunch.

Instead of sitting down Alice grabbed a sandwich and headed out towards the lake, hoping that the rays of sun would warm her up a bit as she had left her scarf in the dormitory, forgetting it in the early morning rush.

Before she could reach the grounds a hand darted out from a large statue of a knight pulling her towards the base of the statue.

The blue eyes were twinkling as she found herself very close to him. He had a crooked smile but it made him look more handsome. Alice felt her breath become shorter as he leaned in towards her. Forgetting all else she closed her eyes, but then a thought crossed her mind.

Placing a hand on his chest she said:

"Wait a minute, I don't even know your name"

"Does it really matter?" he said smiling widely again and leaned in gently, brushing his lips against hers, she closed her eyes and waited expectantly for him to kiss to her again but it never came. She opened her eyes and he was gone.

"What the hell?" she asked herself and looked up and down the corridor utterly bewildered. 'This is ridiculous' she thought. Shaking her head slightly she continued towards the grounds, completely puzzled.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is relatively short!

**LBuccalo**: I thought Lily and James had to be caught at some stage; no one can have sex in a boarding school without being caught! I don't know how to thank you for your amazing comments and reviews; they always make me smile! Sirius is a guy after all, they tend to be less embarrassed about these things (and more likely to brag!) 

**ShIvErIng sMiLe**: I'm glad you liked that chapter, I thought everyone would hate it! I was a bit worried about putting it up…but so far so good! Mmmm, good point about whether Lily is an auror or a healer, I couldn't find it in the books it was just a bot of a guess, but maybe she was neither! We'll probably never know (sniffs) thank you thank you thank you for your review

**Dreamlikechesse**: You never fail to give me a review and for that YOU ARE MY GOD! Hahaha I refuse to reveal who the mystery boy is…but the plain fact is most of you have outsmarted me!

**Puffeh**: Thank you for your gorgeous review, it made me laugh 


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12 The quick and the pointless**

Over the next couple of weeks Alice kept her eyes peeled for the blue eyed young man. True to form however he hadn't showed himself. It was Wednesday and Alice, Sirius, Lily and James were in the Room of Requirement practising as usual. James had told them that they would soon be joined by Remus and Peter.

Lily improved constantly. She was never a natural at anything, but she worked so hard that she mastered most things after the first couple of turns.

Alice and James were duelling and James was a little better than Alice, but she knew some hexes that he did not, eventually she won because he had faltered at the last second and she had disarmed him.

While the others began to collect their belongings so they could return to their dormitories Alice settled down with a large book on hexes, determined to learn something new. She waved her friends on knowing Lily and James would want some 'private time' and Sirius would want to get to sleep before James and Lily got to the dormitory.

She sat herself on the nearest couch practising the incantations aloud. She was busy with a form of the immobleous charm that she didn't hear the door open. A pair of hands placed themselves over her eyes.

Her black her whipped around as she sent a stunning spell at her 'attacker'. Jumping over the couch she saw it was the blue eyed boy. Smiling slightly she muttered _Enervate _and his eyes fluttered open.

"Well, well, well I didn't expect that!" he said cheerfully before dusting his hands on his robes. "I should not have underestimated your reflexes. A quidditch player and a top Defence student. Next time I will not" he said smiling widely.

Alice had not however removed her wand from his throat was staring at him menacingly.

"Looks like I'm caught in a bit of compromising position doesn't it" he said with an air of someone discussing the weather.

"Your name" she said sharply.

"Really dear" he drawled "are you still going on about that? It is not very important. I know you like me and I most certainly like you" he said with a flourish.

Alice's mouth opened and shut wordlessly, she could not believe what he was saying. He did not even know her, this was ridiculous. Taking advantage of her surprise he said:

"_Expelliarmus" _

Alice watched as her wand sprang towards him like metal drawn to a magnet.

"For the record I do not like you in the slightest" Alice said forcefully, blatantly lying.

"Is that so" he asked with an eyebrow arched.

Within two seconds the gap between them had closed and he had her in his arms. Alice could feel her heart beating extremely fast and her palms had suddenly become sweaty. A wave of want ran through her, he was close, close enough to kiss her.

"Not even a little bit?" he whispered into her ear bringin her closer to him.

"Well this is strange" he said noticing her red face "normally I do not get very excited by those I do not like" he said with the maddening air of someone explaining simple mathematics to an over excited toddler.

"I…how dare..I do not like you, you pretentious sod" she said through clenched teeth. Why did he get to her like this?

Changing tacts at the speed of light he said:

"What about when I do this?" and began to kiss her neck and the top her shoulder gently making her skin tingle. A moan escaped her lips before she was able to stop herself and the young man leaped back triumphantly.

"AHAH! I told you so" he yelled, laughter dancing in his blue eyes.

An idea came to Alice like a light bulb being switched on.

"You're right of course" she purred battering her eyelashes "I want your sexy body and I can't resist you".

She ran her hands through his hair, down his back and along his arm. She reached into his pocket and grabbed her wand and wrenched herself away from him. As much as she hated to admit it, she had liked how it felt to be in his arms.

"Touché" he said "how very appropriate. And now we are square" he bowed slightly and strode towards the door.

'Not so quickly' Alice thought as she aimed a spell at him, but before she could even raise her wand she was hit with a non-verbal stunning spell. The young man winked at her and said:

"It won't last very long, I promise" he kissed her cheek and left swiftly.

DAMN HIM, she thought to herself. He was playing with her head and she was going to win. She was going to find out who he was even if it took her all week.

Determined to find him she jinxed everyone who came up behind her in an attempt to catch him. But she had succeeded only in jinxing her friends and few scared first years.

Alice had taken to pacing every time she was in the library, thinking through her thoughts. She had a potions essay due for Slughorn tomorrow but yet again she was being distracted. Her mind kept wandering back to the Room of Requirement.

The library was almost silent apart from the sound of two hufflepuffs snogging in the row of books near her. Hearing footsteps approaching she smiled knowing who it might be. She whipped her wand out and spun around. However when she got there, there was already a wand pointed at her.

It must have looked like an odd scene two young people wands raised and pointed at each other, one glaring the other smiling.

"Oh, hi Sirius" she said looking slightly crestfallen.

"Good to see you to" he said jovially "hoping to see someone else?"

"Anything but your ugly face would be a relief" she said smiling.

The two sat side by side working in the library until a piece of paper shaped like a paper crane came flying over to her and landed of her desk. She opened it and out fell rose petals. Unfolding the note she read:

_My dearest,_

_You do look beautiful studying, I must say._

_How would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me?_

_If that's a yes, which I sincerely hope it is, I will meet you at the end of the stile near Dervish and Bangs._

_Xxx_

He was here, she knew it. Jumping up she began to search all through the library but he was gone, or very good at hiding himself.

Sighing she sat down, not even thinking to ask Sirius if he knew who her 'secret admirer' was. The next question was what was she going to wear? Smiling at her own folly she pulled out her essay and all that could be heard was the scratching of quills.

Smiling at his handiwork a young man sat staring into the fire. His blues eyes seemed to twinkle in the fire light. He had finally plucked up the courage to ask Alice out. It was a mere coincidence that he had run into her and the Gryffindors in the Room of Requirement, but he was certainly glad that he had. There was something truly captivating about her.

He knew her Gryffindor friends well as he was in the same house. Lily Evans and James Potter were becoming something of teenage royalty. Lily's previous disappearance and the rumours of her fighting Death Eaters were intriguing, the young man often wondered if they were true. If they were he was going to help. The world was changing rapidly, many people would get hurt.

He ran his hands through his hair smiling as he remembered her outrage at his pompousness. She was definitely a firework, something to hold onto, but could never be caught completely.

The light danced off the ceiling and created different shadows as they flames flickered. He felt a little nervous, what if she was so angry she didn't show? There was something between them, he knew it and he knew they both felt it.

Once or twice he had caught Sirius Black eyeing him off; he knew he and Alice were becoming rapid friends. Her honesty made him laugh; he heard it all the time.

Abruptly he was shaken out his thoughts by a pretty young woman who had come to speak to him. Inwardly he groaned, this girl was, well, boring. His mother had insisted on trying to get them together over the past few summers, but he simply wasn't interested. All she did was complain about her classes or giggle over some new piece of gossip.

Out of politeness more than anything he held a civil conversation with her, saying as little as possible. It wasn't as though she needed the prompts, the girl could talk forever. She came from a pure blood wizarding family. The young man had been around these types all his life and longed for something new and exciting.

The young woman seemed to notice that his eyes were glazed over but instead of taking the hint that he was uninterested it appeared as though she thought it was something quite different. She leaned over and kissed him on the mouth. He was so shocked he just sat there and took it quite unaware it was coming. Smiling like a Cheshire Cat she skipped off to bed.

Groaning he put his head in his hands, he hadn't wished to be rude but now his politeness was getting him in big trouble. He couldn't help but notice that when she had kissed him he had felt nothing, not even a twinge of lust that would come with kissing a pretty girl. Come tomorrow she would have them together; he could definitely see disaster coming.

A/N: Everyone that reviewed if I haven't told you already, I LOVE YOU! If I am confusing everyone with the fact that some characters have no names, I'm sorry. I don't like creating characters that aren't part of the 'real' Harry Potter (hmmm that sounds bizarre doesn't it, seeing as its not real : ) ) so any one else I need never has a name!

**Yourheartsdesire**: hahaha, no not the end! Sorry my chapter names bare almost no resemblance to what actually happens in them! They're normally just a phrase that I think is mildly appropriate. Thanks for the review!

**Sirius1Fan**: One of my favourite things that I have ever thought up, I was trying for eloquence but that came out instead! Pity…! I'm glad you feel you can relate to the characters because they come from my emotions and experiences, so technically they are very real! Your review was so detailed I am amazed and touched, thank you!

**Dreamlikecheese**: hahaha, I'm glad you're not going to kill me yet! I have no idea why the mystery man is a mystery…but why not? Everyone needs a little adventure and mystery (sadly I have none at the moment, hence it appears in the story)…once again you have reviewed THANK YOU.

**Marauders babe**: I read so many Lily and James fics before I wrote this, purely because they were always the same. We all know they end up together, but come on! Thank you for the review it means a lot to me, by the way good luck trying to claim Sirius!

**LBuccalo**: Yet again you've surprised me, just when I thought you could not have said anything nicer about my writing, YOU DO! I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart for every review and every kind word you have given me! Sirius is always my favourite character to write…layers (hahaha like onions!). To me, he seemed to be the one who would have the most problems and he comes off as quite intelligent in the books as well.

**Rayolis**: Yes, I know. The chapter definitely wasn't one of my best, I needed a connector, but I didn't do the best job of it. Thank you for your honesty!

**ShIvErIng SMiLe**: Cheers!


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13 All's fair in love and war**

Hazel eyes stared into emerald ones as James gently stroked Lilies face. They were lying entwined on James' bed, as the other occupants of the dormitory had left for Hogsmeade. Not wanting to be rude Lily and James had not spent much actual time together in weeks and this was the perfect opportunity.

He kissed her lips softly while pulling her towards him. Before she could help herself Lily smiled widely, she missed being alone with James. It was private and special; it couldn't be properly explained to anyone, not even Sirius.

He loved the way she looked in the morning; the curves of her body seemed perfect as he traced his fingers lightly down her sides.

"God you are so sexy!" he exclaimed loudly.

"Shh James, someone might hear you" she said with a tone of mock concern pointing at the empty dormitory as though it was full of people.

Laughing she rolled herself on top of him, straddled him and began to bit his neck softly. Kissing him she made her may down his chest and began to unbutton his shirt.

"Ah, ah, ah ladies first!" James said, rolled her back underneath him and began to kiss her passionately. Very quickly his hands were under her shirt carefully touching her body. He pulled one her arms above her head and kissed the inside of her arms and then all the way along her side. Pulling off her shirt of gently Lily felt a slight shiver as she lost the warmth of her shirt. Noticing James said:

"Well we can't have this, can we?" and pulled off his shirt, lying on top of her so she was once again warm.

"And once again flower, you are in my arms, just the way I like it" James said knowing he sounded a bit on the arrogant side but it was how he felt. "You know, at the end of the year, your coming to stay with me right? I wouldn't let you go anywhere else!"

"I know" said Lily "Professor Dumbledore told me the night you, um, found me" she finished awkwardly. Lily and James had not discussed that period of time since being back together, it seemed too painful for James and Lily had leapt on the idea as it meant she didn't have to explain anything.

James hands stopped stroking her body as they had found one of her many scars.

"When you left I thought my world would end. I couldn't believe how painful it was, every second I hoped you would return and the longer you were away the crazier I became" he said softly.

The hazel eyes left the emerald ones as he sighed remembering the pain he had gone through. Lily knew she could never say anything that would make right the wrongs of the past so she simply said:

"I'm sorry" and kissed him strongly her tongue darting in and out of his mouth.

James stopped suddenly and said:

"Do you hear that?"

"Hear what James, I can't hear anything" Lily replied a little confused.

"Exactly" he said "peace and quiet at last" he smiled and looked at Lily who promptly resumed kissing his body, trailing kisses along his collarbone knowing he loved this as he ran his hands along her stomach.

As they peeled the rest of their clothes off, Alice was pacing her dormitory still deciding what clothes to put on. She stood frustrated looking at the clothes she had laid out. 'This is ridiculous' she thought 'I was completely capable of making decisions before he came along'. She smiled again, shaking her head at her folly.

Finally choosing clothes which best showed off her assets she began to think, the blue eyed young man was always two steps ahead of her, knowing where she'd be and then surprising her.

With a jolt she remembered a conversation she had had with Lily the previous day, James had an invisibility cloak. Her Gryffindor friends had christened her an honourable guest and had been giving her the Gryffindor password for at least a month. She had not wanted to use it before, but James would not mind if she borrowed the cloak, after all she would return it in a few hours.

Skipping towards the Gryffindor common she smiled at her own intelligence, this time she would outsmart him, she had a few surprises of her own. She entered the common room and tried a door but it was the fifth years' dormitory. 'Logically' she thought 'James and Sirius' dormitory will be the next one'.

Opening the door she glanced around at the mess of clothes and parchment that covered the floor. Suddenly she heard a female giggle followed by a male laugh. Alice frowned, she had assumed the dormitory would be empty. Before she had time to consider what was going on she caught sight of Lily and James.

Alice hurried to cover eyes, but she had already seen too much. Lily and James were sharing an intimate moment, that obviously wasn't meant to be seen. Alice didn't want to witness it again, but she wasn't going to pretend she wasn't there.

She coughed loudly, keeping her eyes firmly shut. She heard a small scream from Lily and she heard them fumble for clothes.

She carefully opened one eye to make sure they were covered. James was grinning like he found the whole scene highly amusing and Lily was laughing also although she was a deep shade of crimson.

"Oh shit Alice, how much did you see? asked Lily with a smile.

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR to much" replied Alice wishing she'd never had this idea. She had just walked in on Lily and James having sex; it wasn't something she wanted to remember.

"Well, Alice, you are here now, what can we do for you? asked James genially.

"Umm…well…invisibility cloak…I need…could I borrow?" she finished confused and stressed, wishing she was miles away.

"Of course, its in my trunk near the door" he laughed, still thinking the whole situation was hilarious.

Alice grabbed it and yelled "THANKS" over her shoulder as she sprinted out of the door.

"Hmm maybe we should've locked the door" said Lily.

"It was bound to happen eventually" said James slyly and started to laugh "God, the poor girl, did you see her face? She was so embarrassed!"

Lily smiled as well and shook her head. James rolled over and said to her:

"Now where were we?"

'Oh God, Oh God, Oh God' thought Alice as she hurried away from the common room. 'Well that was a disaster'. As she walked out of the school her thoughts turned to the young man with the blue eyes. A real meeting, it might even be considered a date. Perhaps now he would tell her his name.

Glancing at her watch she quickened her pace, she was going to be late if she didn't hurry and then how could she outsmart the blued eyed young man? Power walking along the main road of Hogsmeade Alice hurriedly walked behind a shop near to Dervish and Bangs.

Slipping on the invisibility cloak she began to walk towards the meeting point suggested in the note he had sent her. Sure enough he was there, concealed behind some bushes, looking distinctly nervous, he kept peering through the bushes to see if she was coming.

He was looking good though, he had obviously gone to a bit of effort. His hair was gelled and his clothes looked casual but Alice could tell he had spent some time choosing them out.

Creeping up behind him she pulled out her wand and whispered two jinxes, one turned his clothes into clown clothes and the other resulted in his hair growing at an alarming rate as it was now bright purple.

He looked around stunned, waving his wand in all directions. Quickly Alice threw the cloak off, but she couldn't stop laughing.

"Revenge is sweet" she began "I know you'd want to sneak up on me…"

"But you beat me to it" he said finishing her sentence.

"I've learnt enough about your style now to know you wouldn't be waiting in the open for you" she retorted "and now you'll have to tell me what your name is or I won't reverse the spell!"

With a flick of his wand the clown suit was gone and his hair returned to normal. Alice stared at him astonished.

"Do you know everything?" she exclaimed unashamedly staring.

He merely smiled and said: "I am a long way from knowing everything and I continually get further. However I do know that I like you very much and that I have not been able to get you out of my mind".

Carefully Alice stepped towards him as he cupped her face smiling hugely. As he bent down to kiss her Alice couldn't help but smile as well. There was a large amount of chemistry between them, it was undeniable.

Alice had to stand on her toes to reach the tall youth but she kissed him as he bore her to the soft grass beneath them. The sun had finally started to shine and the dappled rays of light came through the leaves of the tall oak tree that they were sitting under.

The young man wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him. Her lips tasted sweet and he could smell strawberries in her hair. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she immediately opened her mouth wider, her tongue playing with his.

She ran her hands through his hair, it felt so perfect lying here with him regardless of the fact that she didn't know his name. He was right, it really didn't seem to matter.

'She looks so good' the young man thought to himself. He could hardly believe his luck, he really thought she wouldn't come. And now he was kissing her sweet lips and he wanted to stay there all day. Wrapping his arms around her more tightly he began to kiss her fiercely to show her how much he cared.

Pulling out her wand Alice conjured a large picnic rug, some sandwiches and some pumpkin juice out of thin air and the pair sat there for hours just talking, laughing and joking about everything other than the young mans name. Alice told him about what she had walked in on earlier that morning as now Alice could see the funny side.

The atmosphere became quieter and they realised they had to return to school. Hand in hand they walked down the main street until the young man pulled her into a quiet niche and kissed her passionately. She felt giddy and was glad his strong arms were holding her up as she kissed him.

Out of nowhere he strode away from her towards the school, Alice merely shrugged, she was getting used to these continual disappearances. She touched her lips that were throbbing from use and smiled. She couldn't wait until the next time they were alone.

A/N: Next chapter I promise the (so called) mystery man is revealed (because it's soooooooo secret!), it will also be longer. Thank you again and again and again and again and again and again and again to everyone who has reviewed or even read the story!

**DreamlikeCheese**: I used to get so confused when stories introduced thousands of new characters and it was even worse when they all paired up rolls eyes. Very realistic (again note the sarcasm). I understand the need for other characters; it's almost impossible to write the story without them. I like peripheral characters but creating them just so we can have four friends and four marauders is so boring, not to say some people haven't done it extremely well, its just a personal preference. I'm glad you still like the story, the next chapter was one of my favourites to write so fingers crossed that you like it. Once again a million thanks for the reviews!

**LBuccalo**: I like writing Alice's character because she's very grounded. Mystery is fun, makes things interesting and what self-respecting girl doesn't wish that she gets a secret valentine or crush! I'm thoroughly touched every time I read your reviews, they flatter me continually! Thank you so very much for the time you put into reading the story and even more so for reviewing, they really do make my day! A million thank-yous.

**Yourheartsdesire**: I'm glad you don't get confused by nameless characters, its hard to call them 'the Ravenclaw Quidditch captain' or 'the blue eyed young man' but I hate making things up that aren't there, I can't make myself do it! I agree with your point about new characters changing with each new story, I also find it hard to keep up with the characters and I continually forget their names and who's who! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reviewing!

**Marauders babe**: Hopefully I have updated fast enough! Thanks for the review!


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14 Lies that fall like acid rain**

The heat came slowly but surely turning pleasant days into uncomfortable ones and usually sleep filled nights became less frequent. One night was so uncomfortable Alice couldn't believe anyone was asleep. Become increasingly exacerbated Alice slipped into her black bikini, grabbed the nearest towel and headed to the lake.

It was definitely uncommonly hot and she heard soft music floating along the halls.

"Music?" she said aloud and completely forgetting her quest for a swim she followed the music which led to a young man who sat perched on a stone ledge quietly strumming chords on a guitar.

As soon as he heard Alice approach he immediately stopped but they smiled when they saw the other.

"I should've guessed" Alice quipped.

"I see you've dressed appropriately for the situation" he said with a wink.

Alice started to blush but the young man replied:

"Don't be embarrassed, if I had my way you would look like this every day of the year! I am however curious to know where you were going dressed like that?"

"For your information I was going to the lake because I couldn't sleep" she shot back at him and turned on her heel and made her way down to the lake. Dumping her towel on the soft grass she made a running dive in to the lake. The cool water washed over her, calming her down and relaxing her instantly.

She heard the music floating over the lake and was surprised to see the young man sitting on the grass beside the lake playing quietly and singing out to her. His clear voice was audible across the grounds.

The young man looked at Alice he could hardly believe his luck, Alice in her bikini was more than he could have hoped for. He couldn't take his eyes off her curves, the way the water on her body glistened in the moonlight. Droplets of water ran across her chest and down towards her stomach as she shook her hair out and shot him a winning smile.

Laughing out loud he shed his shirt and waded into the water to join her. Coming up behind her he wrapped his arms around her body. She acknowledged his presence by leaning against him and snaking her arms up and around his neck. The blue eyes surveyed her body carefully, he wanted her so badly it almost ached.

With one sweeping movement he scooped her up and carried back to the grassy bank, placing her carefully on the towel he had laid out. He took a minute to take her body in, the way her curves were exaggerated by the slim lines of the bikini, her smooth body dripping with the water from the lake. Alice simply cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrow, waiting for him to kiss her.

Instead of kissing her lips he ran his hands down her body, enjoying how she felt under his touch. He gathered she was enjoying it as well when she moaned softly and reached for him. Moving quickly towards her he kissed her lips softly but as she leaned in to kiss him again he couldn't hold back anymore. He kissed her as hard as he could, he didn't want to stop.

She responded by slipping her tongue into his mouth and ran her hands down his back. The young man ran his hands along the curves of her body, groaning softly as he kissed her neck. Slowly his hands undid the ties to her bikini top and slid it off her body.

She gasped softly but let his hands roam her body freely. He hugged her tightly towards him kissing her sweetly. Slowly and unwillingly she began to untangle herself. She had classes in a few hours and she wasn't going to loose her virginity on the grass outside school.

Surprisingly the young man didn't run off immediately, instead he took her hand and walked her back up to the castle with his guitar slung across his shoulder. As they reached the castle they saw Mrs Norris perched on the steps.

"Run" whispered Alice frantically and they both took off as quickly as possible. Far too quickly they reached the crossroads where one corridor led to the Ravenclaw common room and the other led to the Gryffindor common room.

Alice began to run down the corridor but the young man grabbed her hand and she found herself back in his arms. He kissed her fiercely and then left. He ran into the common room and let out whoop before running up the stairs to bed.

As Alice trudged into the Great Hall for breakfast she saw Sirius motioning her to sit next to him.

"So have fun last night?" he asked pretending to be innocent.

"I…what…how did you know?" she demanded.

"When I can't sleep it sit but the window in the dormitory, normally there's nothing to see, that is until you and some mystery man start making out" he laughed but seeing the outrage on her face quickly said "don't worry that's when I stopped watching, I didn't want to see too much". Again he grinned remembering what James had told him about Alice walking in on Lily and James.

In what Alice considered a dignified silence she began to eat her toast while Sirius smirked.

She finished quickly and grabbed her books for the day and said to Sirius;

"Sirius Black I am no longer talking to you".

He smiled and said: "You already did. You make sure this man of yours treats you well or he'll have me to answer to".

Alice pretended not to hear as she left but was secretly touched that Sirius was being so protective. Hurrying towards her first class she met the blue eyed young man who whisked her into the nearest classroom and began to kiss her. Alice almost gave in but she had to hurry to class, she could kiss him in her spare time when she had any.

The young man sighed as he watched her go, every moment with her was fun and exciting, not to mention the fact that she was an awesome kisser. Sitting in the empty classroom he was left alone with his own thoughts, until a certain pretty young woman walked in. He barely kept from rolling his eyes, he had meant to tell her that the kiss they had had last week meant nothing, now was the perfect time. But before he could open his mouth she had put arms around his neck and kissed him.

While walking to class Alice had an idea, another moonlight rendezvous would be a good time to see him again. Turning on her heel she ran back towards the classroom they had just been in, threw open the door and saw the young man kissing a popular pretty sixth year Gryffindor.

At the sound of the door being opened the young man had pushed the girl away from him and she had looked around in surprise. Alice mouth hung open in shock her eyes wide with surprise. She only heard one thing before she left and that was the pretty girl saying:

"Who was that, Frank?"

She ran as fast she could to her first class. Dumping her books on the ground, she wasn't listening to the reprimanding words from the teacher. Sirius had noticed her pale face and mouthed 'what's up'? from the other side of the room.

Instead of answering she put her head in her hands and tried to take in what had just happened. So he had a girlfriend and that was why all of their meetings had been a secret. She felt dirty and used, was she just some challenge? How ironic, now she knew his name and it was entirely useless to her.

Alice couldn't bear to eat she sat outside in the sun tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. She barely noticed when Sirius, James and Lily came and sat with her.

Lily didn't say anything, merely put an arm around her and soothed her. James and Sirius shared a worried look and James asked:

"Alice what happened?"

Sniffing a few times she angrily swiped at her tears, she wished he had meant nothing to her, but that wasn't true.

"I walked in on him, kissing another girl" she said finally.

Only Sirius understood who 'he' was but no one else asked out of courtesy to Alice's condition.

"I'll tear him limb from limb" said Sirius

"Not before I get a piece of him" said Lily viciously.

"Don't worry Ally we won't let him touch you ever again" James told her bracingly.

But before James could continue Frank was walking quickly towards them with a frantic look in his eyes.

"Alice please let me…" but before he could finish he had to step back because Sirius, James and Lily had formed a protective line in front of her and had drawn their wands.

"I think you should leave now" Sirius said warningly

"Unless of course you want to die a painful death" James finished glaring at him.

"I just need to talk to Alice, to explain" Frank began.

"I think you've done quite enough" Lily said icily "Now we've asked you to leave nicely once, if you must make it twice I can't guarantee your health".

"I don't care" he said "do what you may, but its important that I speak to Alice".

"We gave you fair warning" said Sirius and he yelled _Levicorpus _as James yelled _Impedimenta_.

But before Lily could lead Alice away she walked towards him.

"So this is why I never learnt your name, this is why all our meetings have been secret. I thought you were just being romantic, but really you were hiding me away like a mistress. You disgust me, _Frank_" she spat the last word out with particular venom.

Lily led Alice back to castle who was resolute not to cry again, she had wasted enough time on him. She had to learn to control her emotions, she thought that she might have loved him, but that ship had now sailed.

Over the next few weeks Frank tried at every opportunity to talk to Alice but every time he got close there was James or Sirius or Lily with their wands drawn, not that Alice needed the help. She maintained her icy silence and completely ignored him. Frank had more conversations with her friends than he did with her, not that you could call hurling abuse at him a conversation, but it was more than he got from Alice.

The night after Alice had walked in on him kissing the pretty sixth year he had a massive argument with her. He told her exactly what he thought of her and her parents, but when it came down to it he felt as if he had lost everything.

If only he had just fixed the situation earlier, talked to the girl and told her he was in love with Alice. But no, he was a gutless wonder. He was trying to please everyone and where had that got him?

Frank had less and less time to find Alice as his N.E.W.T's were in a week and Alice was preparing for her own exams. On one such occasion Alice was sitting alone in the library silently going over a years worth of charms notes, her mouth moving wordlessly.

Frank was so happy to find her alone he almost jumped. He strode over to her sitting next to her and grabbed her hands.

"Alice, let me explain, it's not what you think, she wasn't my girlfriend" Frank started.

"Oh, so you're just a player and you screw over everyone, I guess that's better than cheating" said Alice sarcastically forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be talking to him.

She wrenched her hands away from his and gathered her stuff as quickly as possible and walked out of the room.

"It wasn't like that" he yelled at her retreating back earning him stares and whispers from his fellow students.

As soon as Alice left the library the façade was gone. She leant against the cool stone wall breathing quickly. She wished she was stronger but somewhere inside she still liked him. He was trying hard to explain and she almost wanted to listen.

**FireQueen618**: I would like Sirius to find love to, but I find it really hard to invent random characters so until I come up with someone, he shall have to be the misunderstood youth!

**Princess Lily of Gryffindor**: Thank your for your review and the fact that you like my story, even better that you are a fellow author.

**Rayolis**: Well I have no wish to kill you any longer so I have updated and no more mystery man! Hmmm, Sirius is almost my omniscient narrator at times…he seems to know more than he should, would you believe that he is super intelligent? Hahaha, me neither. Your right though, I should explain their friendship a little better. Yeah Alice knows he's a Gryffindor, but that's all. Thank you for reviewing all of the chapters thank you thank you!

**LBuccalo**: Your reviews are amazing, without fail they always make me smile. Initially the sex scenes were hard to write, because after a certain point it becomes too much information, it's a thin line. What annoys me is when sex scenes are written very flashy or overly romantic because in reality they are mostly not, its far more carnal than any thing else. I really try to make it as realistic as possible (seeing as it is written in a world of witches and wizards!) I am running out of ways to thank you, because your reviews really do amaze me. THANK YOU.

**Dreamlikecheese**: hahaha, everyone's worst nightmare. I also used to live in a dorm so I can understand the embarrassment on both sides! Of course your suspicions are correct! Im glad you liked the chapter, Alice and mystery man seem fun because they are fun to write. Thank you again for your constant support.

**Yourheartsdesire**: Thank you, thank you…well now you know!

**ShIvErIng sMiLe**: talk about embarrassing! Its bound to happen though if you decide to screw around in a dormitory! Thanks for the review : )

**Madsdagirl**: Good to have you back! Having your tonsils out is always a good excuse to eat heaps of ice cream! I hope your feeling better though. Thank you for your comments they make my day!


	15. Chapter 15

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU JUST FOR READING AND EVEN MORE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE REVIEWED, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ; ) **

**CHAPTER 15 The end of malapropisms **

The red head lay on the end of James bed. She had spent the last few days getting used to the huge house and having a house elf wait on her. Her red hair lay fanned out behind her as James and Sirius were playing exploding snap.

"We should invite Alice over" Lily said to no one in particular.

"Actually that's not a bad idea" Sirius said "at least then we can keep an eye on her. She's been bitter ever since her and Frank…well…ended".

"Wouldn't you, she walked in on the guy she loved with another chick" said James. He glanced at Lily "you'll never have to worry about that though Lilykins" and leapt to his feet and covered her with kisses. Laughing she brushed him away and jumped up.

"Where are you going?" asked James.

"I'm going to have shower" she replied picking up her towel.

"Want some company?" asked James seductively winking at her.

"You two really need to realise when I'm in the room" said Sirius with a laugh.

"Sorry Sirius" said Lily apologetically "perhaps you would like to have a shower with me then?"

Lily laughed for a long time at the look on both James and Sirius' faces. James looked murderous and Sirius looked completely shocked. Summer holidays were always fantastic even if there was nothing to do. Sirius seemed to find plenty of things to do by himself, leaving Lily and James to indulge in their privacy.

Alice on the other hand was bored out of her brain. She was back in the muggle world and almost completely isolated from magic. She spent lots of time listening to music and walking. Her house was situated on the edge of a large country town and walking through the paddocks was a favourite pastime.

Unwillingly she had spent a lot of time thinking about Frank and what he had said at the end of the year. Alice cast her thoughts momentarily to Lily and James who would be wrapped around each other smitten with Sirius laughing and joking at the Potter's huge house.

As she sat down on an old dilapidated wooden fence it started to rain. Sprinkling at first and then falling heavily quickly soaking her through. Instead of running home she let the water flow over her, pretending her problems would just wash away.

But could love wash away? Was love what she was feeling, or was she merely infatuated by someone new and exciting? Tired she let the questions run through her mind as they had done ever since the end of term.

Unhappiness had taken to her like a bad smell on a hot day. The rain began to ease off and she opened her eyes just as an owl dropped a letter on her lap. Shaking slightly at the prospect of hearing from someone she quickly ripped open the letter which was written in long flowing writing she had seen once before.

_Dearest Alice,_

_I am reduced to contacting you in this fashion as every other attempt I have made has gone to complete shambles. I tried so many times to explain the predicament I found myself in but you have some loyal friends. _

_I would first like to say: sorry. I must have caused you pain, but know it is nothing to what I am feeling now. The pain that fills my heart, but fortunately it was all a giant misunderstanding which I must rectify. _

_My mother is a very strict woman, she likes to think she is planning my future with a certain sixth year Gryffindor that you happened to see kissing me. Our families have been friends for years and think mother is hoping that we will end up together (with a little or a lot of help from her). However I have never ever considered dating her and I do not even like her very much. I have put up with her to be merely polite and so as not to incur my mothers wrath._

_However my politeness was stretched to the test when she kissed me about two months ago. I did not ask her to kiss me, nor did I want it but being the coward I was I did not say anything. So instead of fixing the situation I made it much worse, she thought I was interested when really all I cared about was you._

_I have been completely taken with you ever since I met you in the Room of Requirement. From then on no one else has crossed my mind. I was overjoyed when you agreed to meet me and then amazed when you actually appeared to like me. _

_Then we come to what you happened to walk in on at the end of the school year. I was as surprised as you were when she kissed me, I did not kiss her back and was just about to explain about you and me, when you walked in. I am terribly sorry for all the fuss this has caused._

_I understand if you still don't want to see me, but I would love to see you at every available opportunity. _

_Yours forever and with much love,_

_Frank Longbottom_

_Xxx_

Still shaking Alice re-read the letter four times, she didn't want to admit it to herself but her heart had lifted. It explained everything and he had even said he wanted to see her. She skipped back to the house to write a letter to Lily, knowing she would only have to write one as Lily would read the contents of the letter to Sirius and James.

However when she got to the house she found she didn't need to write a letter as the three of them stood there grinning at her from under the shelter of her veranda.

She waved and smiled and said:

"I've been out walking".

"Nice weather for it" said James sarcastically as Lily rolled her eyes. Sirius however said nothing at all and simply gave her a warm hug, while whispering in her ear

"How are you?"

Alice beamed and gave him the letter to read. Slowly the letter was passed around her other friends until James finally said:

"Well looks like we owe him a bit of an apology"

Alice stood in front of the mirror in her room at James mansion. She smiled slightly admiring the work she had done. Normally she wouldn't dress up but it was the first time she was seeing Frank since the end of term. She had put on a purple silk dress that was tight around her chest and flowed to just above knees. She had curled her hair with her wand and carefully applied make-up making her eyes stand out.

'And now for the final touch' she thought to herself and put on her strappy black stilettos which made her legs look slimmer and longer. Taking one last look in the mirror she began to walk down the hall hoping everyone was busy so she wouldn't have to face anyone.

Unfortunately she met Sirius coming out of the shower. 'Mmm' she thought 'if I wasn't so into Frank I would definitely have a go. Sirius looks hot'. Sirius however had stopped in the middle of the hallway and was staring at Alice.

"Close you mouth Black" she said to him.

"Alice, you look…HOT!" he said smiling hugely "going somewhere special?" he taunted.

"Yes, if you must know" she shot at him "Frank has invited me to dinner at his house and he's cooking".

"Dinner eh?" Sirius began "well we won't expect you for breakfast wearing that!" and he wolf whistled to emphasise the point.

With his whistle James and Lily came out of their room. It was obvious that they had been busy as James hair was messier than usual and Lily's shirt was buttoned up the wrong way. Lily gave her friend and encouraging smile and James looked shocked.

"I think you're right Padfoot, she does look hot" James said.

Lily pretended to look hurt at this statement but James merely pushed her against the wall and started kissing her fiercely. Sirius rolled his eyes and said:

"Well if worst comes to worst you could end up like those two" he smiled and pointed to James and Lily and whispered to her "be careful, if you need anything I'll be right here" he finished with a wink and strode into his room.

Walking outside she apparated with a soft pop and appeared outside Frank's house. She took a huge breath and gulped, it was slightly nerve racking being at his house after so much had happened.

Tentatively she knocked on the door and heard a voice yell:

"It's open!"

Carefully she opened the door and walked towards where she could smell cooking. She saw Frank busy cutting up an onion but when he saw her the knife cluttered to the ground.

"I should have invited you for dinner months ago" he said staring at her with his mouth open.

Quickly he strode over to her and put his lips against hers. The familiar sensation of lust washed over her as she succumbed to his kisses. They definitely weren't 'you look good and I missed you' kisses they were 'I want to throw you on the couch and make love to you right now' kisses.

Finally they broke apart both panting slightly from the intensity of their kisses and Frank took Alice on a tour of his house. It wasn't the same size as James but it was quite close. It looked like his family was quite well off as all the furnishings were plush and clean.

Frank couldn't take his eyes off Alice and this earned him a few extra cuts from not keeping his eyes on the cooking. She sat in the living room which was across from the kitchen sipping Gillywater and trying to be calm.

It seemed like hardly anytime before Frank motioned her to come and have dinner. She had to admit he wasn't a bad cook. The soup was thick and rich and the bread was warm and crusty. The rest of the meal flowed smoothly and Frank had to concentrate very hard at eating so as not to miss his mouth.

Unable to stop herself Alice asked:

"Where are your parents?"

He smiled before replying, guessing what she was thinking about "they're away for the week".

"Oh" was all she could manage and was mentally kicking herself for not being more interesting. She stood up to get some more to drink, but felt a hand on her waist. She turned and saw Frank looking at her with a smile on his face.

Out of nowhere he began to kiss her running his hands along her body and sweeping the plates aside he lay Alice on the table, kissing her neck and the top of the chest that was showing out of her dress.

Quickly and threw his shirt of the ground and began to take off her dress revealing her blue lace underwear that she had strategically chosen knowing it showed off her body nicely. She reached up and began to undo his pants which fell easily to the floor.

She wrapped her legs around his torso as he undid her bra. Carrying her up to his room they fell onto his bed, still kissing passionately. Gently he removed her underpants and threw off his own boxers.

She felt slightly nervous, not knowing what was going to happen as she was a virgin. He looked a bit nervous and she gathered that he was a virgin as well.

'Oh God' she thought to herself 'it's really happening'.

As he pushed himself inside her she felt a sharp pain inside her as though something was breaking. She felt something warm trickle down the inside of her thighs: 'Lily could have told me about this' she thought for a second, but the pain began to die away as she was enjoying herself more now.

"Are you alright?" Frank asked kindly as he gently continued his motion.

All Alice could do was nod as the feelings of pleasure began to intensify as Frank pushed further inside her faster.

Unable to stop she let out a loud moan and kissed Frank hungrily hearing him moan with desire. Alice felt herself get hotter and hotter but it felt so good until the pleasure was at its highest and she held onto Frank strongly. He let out a loud moan and stopped thrusting.

He kissed her lips softly and lay next to her stroking her hair unable to keep from smiling.

A/N: I'm so so so so so so so so sorry that this chapter took so long to go up! It was already written I've just had computer problems! I love each and every one of you who has reviewed and thank you from the bottom of my heart xxx

**Slightly unhinged**: Cool name! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It was easier to characterise people initially but now I'm struggling for extra depth so any suggestions you have would be greatly appreciated! Thank you again.

**Gilmoregirl7878**: Thank you for all your reviews, really it's awesome!

**Galategirl**: Hopefully your happy now! I appreciate the review, many thanks!

**Marauders babe**: You are completely obsessed but you are not the only one! You may have a few problems, but hey who doesn't, at least yours is relatively normal. Thank you for you interest in my story, it means a lot to me.

**Rayolis**: hahaha, yes every time you review I will thank you and I mean it! SO here's what you've been waiting for THANK YOU. My mother always bugs me, I think it's just their nature (damn)! Thanks again for every single review : )

**Madsdagirl**: I am touched, thank you for your amazing review, really THANK YOU. Your right Peter is a git and you are also right about not having very much Remus and Peter, they appear occasionally. I'm finding it really hard to get any depth on their characters especially Remus, I'm so sick of him being 'the quiet one' and that's it, there's always more! So until I can get a better angle on my peripheral characters I decided to leave them out than to throw them in for face value! Thank you again.

**ShIvErIng sMiLe**: unfortunately I tend to believe boys are not stupid just simple. More black and white and now grey, whereas us females are grey and every other colour! I am running out of ways to thank everyone but a good old THANK YOU is definitely in order for you : )

**Holly-short Evans**: What an amazing review, seriously. You may have noticed me obsession with thanking everyone but I think everyone who takes the time to review definitely deserves it, so thank you very much.


	16. Chapter 16

**HAPPY 2006 EVERYONE**

**xxxx**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN The thin blue line**

Quietly Alice opened the front door of the Potter mansion and crept up the stairs. It was still quite early in the morning but she could just see Sirius' smirk if he could see her now. Her hair was a mess and she was carrying her shoes in her hands. Licking her lips she could feel a roughness forming, which is an unfortunate reality when you kiss someone with whiskers.

Light streamed through the nearby windows giving the corridor a haunted feel as she shadows slunk away from the light. Hearing a door open she quickly hid around a corner.

"It's all right Alice, it's only me" Lily called sleepily down the hall.

Cautiously Alice stepped around the corner. Seeing her, Lily's face split into a wide smile which she couldn't quite hide behind her hands, but before she could speak Alice said:

"Don't you dare say a word"

Lily simply smiled and said: "Wouldn't dream of it".

Linking arms with Alice she led her back to her room and the two lay top to tail on Alice's bed.

"Soooooooo" began Lily conversationally "have a good night?"

Alice laughed, knowing her friend knew exactly what she had been up to.

"I could ask you the same question" Alice said cheekily, quite sure that her and Lily had been doing the same thing last night.

"Mmm" she sighed dreamily "you could say I did!" She rolled over to Alice and asked her seriously "are you alright? Did it hurt?"

Alice smiled slightly remembering the night before.

"Yeah, a little, but it was worth it" she said defiantly.

Lily laughed out loud and said:

"I promise it gets better, just remember to lock the door". With that comment the two young women rolled around on the floor laughing uncontrollably. They didn't even notice when James walked in.

"What are you two so happy about" he said blearily. James obviously wasn't a morning person.

"I think she might have had a good time last night" said Sirius from the door with a wink. Alice flushed red and Lily glared at him. James simply raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

"Are you coming back to bed?" James asked softly in Lilies ear. Smiling seductively she winked at him and they left, leaving Alice and Sirius alone together. Alice expected him to make some rude comment as she knew he wouldn't be a virgin. Instead he seemed quite pre-occupied with his own thoughts.

Alice then noticed how quiet it was and wondered aloud why she couldn't hear Lily and James. Sirius smiled and said:

"Silencing charms, for privacy. Plus I'm quite sure neither of us want to hear those noises".

Meanwhile in the other room James and Lily were talking about Alice.

"So she slept with Frank last night huh. I remember the first time you and I slept together" James said looking at Lily.

"Wanna do it again?" he said flirtatiously.

"James Potter" she said with a look of pretend shock "I am far too much of a good girl to ever sleep with you" and she began to walk towards the door but before she could reach it James had grabbed her and they were pressed against the wall.

Ripping at each others clothes they began to shag against the wall, Lily moaning with delight.

"God this is so good it should be illegal" James moaned his body aching with pleasure.

Lily giggled and said: "It probably is"

The rest of summer holidays passed quickly and Alice spent the last few days of the holidays with Frank. He had now graduated so she wouldn't be able to see him at school. She had to return to her house to pack her trunk and prepare for the last year at Hogwarts. Alice and Frank had now officially been together for six weeks.

She smiled and said to herself "six weeks". A thought crossed her mind and she thought 'wait it can't have been six weeks'. She began to panic and resolved to see the school nurse as soon as she got to school.

She fiddled the entire way to Hogwarts on the train and couldn't keep still. Finally Sirius had had enough and pulled her out of compartment.

"Alice, you're driving me crazy. What's wrong?" he asked with concern in his eyes.

"It's nothing, really, at least I hope it's nothing" she said as she resumed her pacing. Sirius' strong hands stopped her pacing and asked her

"You have to tell me, what's wrong?"

"I think I might be pregnant" she blurted out looking at her shoes and feeling her face go red. Sirius let out a low whistle and said:

"Wow, um that's a um shock" he said nervously.

"I don't know for sure" she started "I'm going to ask Madame Pomfrey today".

Sirius looked relieved and said:

"Oh okay! Well I'll come with you if you like. You'll probably need some support and whatever the outcome, I'll be here for you. I promise".

Alice gave him a radiant smile and hugged him glad she wouldn't have to ask anyone else. Just then James popped his head out of the compartment in time to see Alice and Sirius hugging and raised an eyebrow at them.

"It's getting dark. You should get your robes on" he said with another look at the pair.

Sirius laughed and turned back to Alice

"He probably thinks you and I are shagging"

Sirius' words brought her back to the frightening reality that she might be pregnant. Alice continued to fidget until she got to the castle. She shot Sirius a meaningful look after the feast and he got up and followed her out of the Great Hall.

Knocking on the door to Madame Pomfrey's office they heard a voice call

"Be right with you".

Moments later she appeared drying her hands on a towel.

She looked at Alice's pale face and Sirius worried expression and asked:

"Well dears, what can I do for you?"

Alice looked quickly at Sirius who gave her a fleeting thumbs up and she cleared her throat.

"um, well, you see, I was wondering, well actually it's more like, no, um, I need some help" she finished extremely nervous.

"Well you'll have to start by telling me what the problem is" Madame Pomfrey said kindly.

Alice took a deep breath and decided this was not the time for embarrassment, she needed to know otherwise she was going to go crazy.

"I, uh, think that I might be pregnant" Alice said looking anywhere but the matron "but I'm not sure and I need to know for sure".

"Very well" said the Matron "we will have to run some tests. If you (she indicated to Sirius) would like to stay here, Miss Carter and I will return shortly".

Calmly the Matron led Alice into a examination room. Using instruments she had never seen before the Matron checked various parts of her body and waved her wand several times speaking spells Alice had never heard.

"Well dear, it appears as though you are pregnant" the Matron told her quietly.

"OH GOD" Alice yelled "Shit shit shit shit shit. I can't be pregnant, I'm not ready to have a baby! I want a career, a normal life! Oh my god what have I done?"

The Matron conjured up some cups of herbal tea and some cakes and said:

"There are options, you do not have to have the baby. There is an expert team at St. Mungos which deals with unwanted pregnancies. However if you do wish to have the baby, you will need to have regular check-ups with me. I assume the young man waiting outside is the father. I suggest you tell him the news".

Startled as Alice was, she laughed and told the Matron "he's not the father, he's a good friend here for moral support. Hypothetically if I choose not to have the baby, what is the procedure?"

"It is a short operation that medi-wizards can perform easily. You will have to be away for school for a few days as there can be some nasty side effects" the Matron told her.

"Now drink your tea, it will make you feel better and then you may go and see Mr. Black" said the Matron and left the room indicating that Sirius should come in. Sirius looked worried and Alice felt tears spring to her eyes.

"I'm sorry Alice" Sirius said enveloping her in a brotherly hug.

Tears ran down Alice's face and between sobs the told Sirius what her options were.

"You'll have to tell Frank" he said quietly.

Alice immediately felt angry. This was Franks child as well and she would be the one who had to go through the pain either way. How could they be parents so young? She didn't want to see Frank. At this moment she never wanted to see him again. How dare he do this to her?

Frantic and tired from crying Sirius led her to the Room of Requirement so she wouldn't have to answer any questions. He quietly tucked her into bed and sank into a couch next to the fire place and let out a loud sigh when he heard Alice's quiet snore's.

'Poor Alice' he thought although he knew she wouldn't want his sympathy. He couldn't even imagine how it would feel to make a decision like this. Out of all the girls he had slept with he had never thought they could go through any of this. Suddenly he felt guilty as he had not considered this option before.

His thoughts strayed to Frank. The poor man was in for the shock of his life. From what Alice had told him, it looked like he had just begun his Auror training.

Sirius wondered whether he should tell Lily and James, maybe they could help? He would of course let Alice decide and until then keep her secret.

**Madsdagirl**: I had a fantastic Christmas thank you and I hope you also had a fabulous Christmas! You are quite right about Remus, I am currently working on an entire chapter about Remus its harder than I thought. When you think about Lily and James most people have distinct ideas about who they are, or who you want them to be I guess. But with Remus its not so distinct, it's been hard for me to find a real base for him. I have some new revelations about Remus coming up…I'm not sure how everyone will react to them, but we will see. They're in later chapters. Thank you for all your reviews, they are always so well thought out and I'm glad you ask questions because it makes me think about what else to include, many thanks!

**Zuska1985**: wow, what an amazing review! Its quite alright that you didn't review until now because of all your kind comments, thank you! My dialogue has increased a bit and until chapter 20 I think, it's more present than descriptions. To tell you the truth, I got a little caught up in trying to write too much dialogue which is not where my strength is (that is of course supposing I have one!), so please don't kill me if the next couple of chapters are not quite up to scratch! I am trying and the one's I'm writing at the moment are much more like my initial writing, however I would love to know whether you like my dialogue, because I feel as though it's a bit weak? I find intimate scenes hard to write, it does seem as though your invading on another's private moment unless its written in the first person and I'm never sure how much to include! Thank you for reviewing : )

**ShIvErInG sMiLe**: The best part is almost every girl is unique and has a depth that could rival most guys! Thanks for the support and I hope you had a good Christmas.

**Rayolis**: hahaha your previous comments on creation now have new meaning! Hehehe you shall have to wait and see though! I will enjoy my holidays, who wouldn't! Merry Christmas to you too and a happy 2006 I hope it brings everything you hope for! (here it comes) thank you once again, you are fantastic!

**Gilmoregirl7878**: Thank you thank you thank you, I hope you keep enjoying it!

**Slightly unhinged**: your quite right, not one of my best chapters, even worse I think I wrote a few simular to this, reading back on them they are not fantastic but necessary for plot reasons. Interesting suggestion, I'm working on it for later chapters. The thing I struggle with is backgrounds, how to introduce them effectively because I don't want to use flashbacks unless I have to, but I understand the need for roots and depth. As I mentioned before I think I got too caught up trying to please people instead of writing how I feel it. The nest couple of chapters were already written but the one's following I shall endeavour to put your suggestions into action. Many thanks for your comments and suggestions and most importantly for your review!

**FireQueen618**: Yes, I too feel bad about Sirius. The worst part is how to write his character around girls. Whether to follow the path of every other story where he is a 'sex god' or what, I'm not sure. What do you think? I wanted to create a girl, but I was thinking about his actions in the current books, he never has a girlfriend and doesn't seem to want one, perhaps this comes from something in his past? I'm not sure, still working on it! Thank you again and again for your reviews, I appreciate it so much!

**LBuccalo**: I am your god? No no you are MY god! It is you I should be thanking and I will as I always do because your reviews are amazing, they touch my heart that you like my writing this much because I always thought my writing was pretty sub standard! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!


	17. Chapter 17

**Over 100 REVIEWS, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm so excited I LOVE YOU ALL, even those that read and don't review : )**

**xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo**

**CHAPTER 17 The thin blue line**

Sirius woke up early the next morning and waited for Alice to wake up so they could go to breakfast together. As he entered the hall he noticed hazel eyes staring at him. A little puzzled Sirius looked at James and then sat next to him, while Alice went to sit with her Ravenclaw friends.

"I can't believe you" James hissed into his ear. Sirius turned in surprise.

"Hitting on Alice? What do you think you're playing at? You know that would break Frank's heart. I saw you two on the train and you left together last night. I don't remember seeing you come back to the dormitory either. Mate you could have any girl, but why her?" James finished with a glare.

Sirius looked at him incredulously; he couldn't believe James thought he had stooped that low. He almost laughed it was so ridiculous, but he had promised to keep Alice's pregnancy a secret.

"Mate, you really need to get your facts right. I haven't touched Alice, I don't even like her, other than as a friend of course" Sirius finished.

James just rolled his eyes as if to say, 'yeah, right, whatever'.

"I am your best friend, you can tell me anything you know" James said coldly, but before Sirius could say anything James left the table abruptly.

James' coldness continued all week and Sirius became more and more annoyed with him not believing his own story. By the end of the week they weren't talking to each other. Lily tried in vain to fix the situation but of course she didn't know about Alice either.

Alice had sent Frank an urgent letter asking him to meet her in Hogsmeade on the weekend. She knew it was risky sneaking out, but this was important. It was Wednesday and Alice had asked Sirius to meet her earlier than normal in the Room of Requirement to talk about her decision.

When Sirius walked into the room Alice was already there, pacing the length of the room. She smiled tiredly as she saw Sirius and fell into a chair. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face was pale as though she hadn't been outside in ages.

"I'm not going to have the baby" she said abruptly and resumed her pacing "I mean I can't. It would be stupid to bring a child into this world that I can't care for properly. I haven't even finished school, I need my education and this would ruin Franks' life as well".

"How do you think he will take the news?" Sirius asked carefully.

Alice gave a bitter laugh. "Even if he's against it, I'll have to do it anyway. From my point of view there's no choice".

Her words sounded so sure, so in control; she wished they reflected her inner turmoil. She felt hollow and cruel, but at the same time she knew it was the right decision for her. She knew not everyone would approve, they would think she was killing her unborn child. She could see now the emptiness and tragedy whenever she would look at children. The hypotheticals were always the killers. She had so many hopes and dreams that couldn't be sacrificed for a future she did not want.

She took a quick glance at Sirius shocked face, she wondered if it would look equally as shocked if she had decided to keep the baby. She knew this was probably the most difficult decision she would ever have to make. As hard as she tried though, she couldn't see herself with Frank and a child.

There were no more tears now that she had decided. Just exhaustion. She had promised herself there would be no regrets, it would not do to dwell on the past. Easy words to say but much harder to actually believe them. The worst part was the confusion, should she be angry? Should she be upset that there would be no child? Should she want the child? She hated the fact that Frank would never understand what she was going through, no man ever could. It was an emotional extremity that they were incapable of reaching thanks to their sex.

For a moment she considered the other teenage mothers. What must their life be like? How did they cope and did they regret having their child? So many questions. Alice resumed her pacing in a feeble attempt to silence the questions which forced themselves in the forefront of her mind.

Sirius watched her, he watched the creases appear in her forehead and how she wrung her hands as she paced. This was something he had never experienced. It was futile to try and tell her it would be all right. She was much to honest to put up with his awful attempts and sympathy. Instead he said the only thing he could:

"I meant what I said on the train. I will always be here for you, I promise"

"You have no idea what that means to me" she said "thank-you so much" and embraced him just as James and Lily came through the door. James stopped laughing at once and said:

"I DON'T believe this" and drew his wand.

"James Potter _it's not what you think_" Sirius said with a growl.

The two young men advanced on each other until Alice yelled "ENOUGH".

"It's okay Sirius, I'd have to tell them sometime" she said with a frightened smile. "Lily, James, I'm pregnant".

James' mouth dropped open and turned around and whacked Sirius on the head.

"Sirius you idiot, HOW COULD YOU GET HER PREGNANT?" he yelled.

"James PLEASE calm down, Sirius isn't the father. Frank is. I told Sirius because I needed someone to help me and he was the one who noticed first" Alice said sadly.

If Lily was shocked she hid it well as Sirius turned to James:

"I think you owe someone a rather large apology".

James nodded and said: "I'm sorry Alice, if there's anything we can do let me know".

Sirius looked outraged "NOT HER, ME!"

James smirked, but clapped his hand on Sirius shoulder "okay fine, I'm sorry I made a mistake".

"Thank-you" said a huffy Sirius as Lily walked over and sat next to Alice. Lily couldn't help thinking that it was pure luck that she wasn't in Alice's situation. It was a very scary thought and Lily shuddered.

"What are you going to do?" she asked Alice.

"Well, I saw Madame Pomfrey who gave me my options and I still have to talk to Frank. But I don't think I'm going to have baby".

James gaped "Abortion?"

Sirius hit him and gave him a look that said 'back off or you'll get hurt'.

"We'll all come with you of course" said Lily assuring her.

Alice gave a tight smile and said "Thanks guys. I think I need to be alone right now" and walked out of the room.

"Good lord Sirius" said Lily "that wasn't what I expected".

He laughed coldly"I know I was shocked too, but I guess it's always a possibility when you're having sex. It's just not one anyone likes to think about". James and Lily shared a scared look and Lily resolved to be more careful from now on.

"I can't believe she's not going to have the baby" James said.

Lily's temper flared "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S NOT GOING TO HAVE THE BABY? It's her body and her life and besides she's not killing a baby, it's not a baby yet. It was hard enough for her to make a decision. She deserves to have a shot at having a normal life. I hope this is not how you would react if this ever happened to us. Perhaps if you stopped being AN INSENSITIVE GIT and actually thought about the feelings of others you might be able to grapple with the COMPLEX EMOTION OF APATHY!" Lily yelled and stormed out of the room as Remus and Peter entered.

James and Sirius looked shocked, they hadn't seen Lily's temper flare in quite some time and they had forgotten how harsh it was.

"Bad timing?" Remus asked.

Alice sat nervously waiting in the Three Broomsticks for Frank. She knew she was early, but she couldn't sit around anymore. She had barely paid any attention in her classes during the week.

Every ten seconds she stole a glance at the clock, it seemed as though every minute had been stretched into an hour just to torment her. Just so she could play out all the things Frank might say in her mind. Nervously she tapped her short nails against the solid oak table oblivious to the hearty chatter going on around her. She knew she had a constant frown on her face but it was the only face she could manage when she was worried, angry, stressed and upset.

Picking at a thread on her robes she heard the tinkle that meant the door was opening. Expectantly she looked up, but only to see an old couple enter the bar and search for a table. Letting out a small sigh she returned to tapping her nails on the table.

The waiting was excruciating and Alice was unable to sit still. By the clock he was only ten minutes late, but it could have been months to Alice. She had rehearsed what she was going to say so many times, and yet she felt so unprepared.

Unprepared was probably the most useful word to describe everything about how Alice felt as she shifted to get comfortable for the fifth time in five minutes.

Finally she saw the tall handsome youth walk into the bar his eyes searching for Alice.

When he found her he smiled; he made his way over and leaned towards her for a kiss. This was too important to be delayed and Alice gave him a peck on the cheek and motioned for him to sit down.

He looked at her with worry in his eyes and asked her how her classes were going.

"Frank" she began "I asked you to come here for one reason" she paused. He looked scared and he was thinking to himself 'Oh no, she's going to break up with you'.

"I have to tell you something" she said "I'm…well I'm pregnant".

With a sigh she looked at Frank who was staring at her blankly and suddenly smiled and said:

"Sorry, I think I just misheard you. I could've sworn you just said you were pregnant" he said looking confused.

"Frank, I did say I was pregnant, because I am".

He looked as though he was thinking for a few moments and then he beamed and took Alice in his arms and announced to the whole bar.

"THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND ALICE AND WE ARE HAVING A BABY". The room erupted into cheers, as Frank grinned wildly at everyone who was clapping and cheering. He laughed heartily before sitting down next to Alice again. He barely noticed the fact that she looked green and was looking at the table.

"Please Frank, I'm not finished" she looked downright petrified now "I'm not going to have the baby. I'm going to have an abortion".

A frown appeared on his brow as he looked at her

"Alice, I will help of course. I won't leave you and my parents can help too. We can get married eventually, but that can wait until after the baby is born".

"Your not listening" she said desperately "I don't want to have a baby. It will ruin both our lives. I want a career".

Frank was silent and stared at the table. Alice couldn't take it anymore, the look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes was excruciating. She pushed her chair back and sprinted out of the bar. The cool air whipping against her face. She ran as fast as she could and she didn't even hear Frank yelling out to her.

A/N: I don't know how many more times I can say this without seeming pretentious, but THANK YOU for reading and special thank you's to everyone who reviewed. Everyone that had questions about whether or not Lily was pregnant I believe they have now been answered!

**Madsdagirl**: Wow, what an amazing review! I'm hoping my dialogue isn't straining too much. I appreciate the fact that you review every chapter, it means so much to me. No Harry or Neville yet, I couldn't bring myself to do it! Once again thank you thank you thank you

**Firequeen618**: I think you're right, I'm struggling to create a character that appears somewhere in the books that he could have been so affected by. Her nature and what's special about her. Any ideas? I mean the few glimpses we get of him at school he seems haughty and bored and yet we see how he turns out, so I'm not sure how to treat it. I just need a bit of a base to start her and then even more difficult is dealing with his feelings, as sometimes they are so isolated (as many guy's are!) Thank you for the suggestions and your helpful questions, it's always good to have someone else's point of view!

**Marauders babe**: Yes, yes you are crazy! But crazy is good, hahaha! Drama drama drama! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for your awesome/crazy reviews, they brighten my day.

**ShIvErIng sMiLe**: Thank you for the vote of confidence on Sirius' character. I've read so many stories where he seems very shallow, not necessarily on face value, but there seems to be no real depth to his character, which was the angle I tried to go for. I find it hard to believe that him and James would have had a fan club, maybe a small one but still it's a bit far fetched! I don't know, what do you think? Being a sex god at 17 is hard for any writer to pull off and make him down to earth. If I went for that angle I would have to make him extremely arrogant and then get very frustrated with myself for limiting his character so. We all know he was attractive, but that's about it! Thanks for all the suggestions and help, as I just said it's always good to have another's opinion because one can become so blinded in their own story!

**LBuccalo**: When I read your review I rewrote this entire chapter in lieu of what you said about being in this position. It is really only by you that I can measure this chapter by and I hope that it does not stray too far from your experience and thoughts. I'm sorry if it does! I am constantly blown away by your kindness and constant reviews, there has never been a time where I have not enjoyed reading your reviews or felt completely touched by them! Let me know what your feelings are about this chapter, I can't wait to know what you think xxx

**Slightly unhinged**: mmm, all good ideas. Forgive me for the next chapter, I felt it was more shallow that the others, but my favourite chapter is coming up. I've been trying to incorporate your ideas into later chapters (as these one's were written weeks ago and just get adapted and proofed before I post them). Very true about Sirius and Remus, Remus is coming in the next couple of chapters but I seem to have reached a dead end with Sirius. I'm not sure where I'm going with his character. Being misunderstood is all well and good but it's only one aspect of him and I'm quite unsure of where to take it. What do you think? Anyway happy new year, I hope 2006 is awesome for you! Thank you for your comments/thoughts/suggestions/help, much appreciated!

**Rayolis**: Last but definitely not least. One week until school? That's awful, I would give you a time turner if I could! A happy new year to you to! I hope it brings everything you wish for, thank you again and again (I know you must be sick of me saying this but the meaning never diminishes I promise!)


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18 Nothing matters when you're broken**

**Just a slight warning, this chapter contains language content and for those who don't wish to read it, I suggest you don't!**

**Also, all of the people who reviewed my last chapter and have written Harry Potter (and associated) stories I have reviewed them. You take the time to review mine, so I read each of yours (including the one's in Spanish which was a tad of a struggle seeing as my Spanish is fairly poor, but nonetheless!) and reviewed, so enjoy!**

Before this chapter begins I have some important things to say regarding Alice's impending abortion, I understand this is a particularly difficult subject and highly subject to opinions. This is simply one take on the situation and does not wish to endorse or dismiss abortion, as a topic in it's own right. If I have offended you by including it as an option I apologise. I welcome every point of view.

**As for other apologies…DEAR EVERYONE WHO READS THIS STORY. I am incredibly sorry that I haven't updated in a long time. **

**So on with the story…I left you with **

"_Your not listening" she said desperately "I don't want to have a baby. It will ruin both our lives. I want a career"._

_Frank was silent and stared at the table. Alice couldn't take it anymore, the look of disappointment and hurt in his eyes was excruciating. She pushed her chair back and sprinted out of the bar. The cool air whipping against her face. She ran as fast as she could and she didn't even hear Frank yelling out to her._

And now on with the story… 

The door of the dormitory flew open as Alice yelled _ACCIO BROOM. _She had not stopped running since she left Hogsmeade. She jumped onto her broom and flew as fast as her broom could take her, over and above the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her chest was heaving.

The grey eyes recognised the figure that flew past and he signalled Lily.

"I don't think it went well" he said gravely.

"What gives you that idea?" asked Lily a little puzzled.

Sirius pointed at the dot speeding away from them towards the clouds. Lily made to get past Sirius but he held her back.

"If she wanted to talk to us, she would have. She needs to be alone now".

Faster, faster, she urged her broom to bear her away from all her problems. Frank's face kept coming back to her, but she was determined to be strong. No more of this bullshit. I will get past this, it's a small hiccough. A wave of anger ran through her and she punched the air in frustration. Why her? James and Lily had been at it for much longer than she had and yet it was her that had to deal with all this.

Alice flew right into the entrance hall before she got off her broom and strode defiantly to the Matron's office. She rapped smartly on the door and told me the Matron:

"Make me the appointment please" she said looking her in the eyes.

The Matron looked at her for several long moment then inclined her head slightly and said: "very well. It will have to be soon I'm afraid otherwise the procedure will be harder. How about next week?"

Alice nodded and the Matron asked:

"Have you told the father what you plan to do? Not everyone will be happy with your decision".

"Not everyone is in my position" she retorted "besides no one will know. And yes I have told the father" she finished bitterly.

"Very well, I will send the date and time to you when I know. Until then take it easy. You will have to use the Floo Network and ask your teachers for the work you will miss".

Alice nodded once and strode out of office. She didn't notice the Matrons sad look in her eyes.

Patient Name: Alice Carter 

_Appointment date: February 25th _

_Time and Place: 12.30 St Mungos_

_Level Five_

_Medi-Witch Sanz (Healer in charge)_

Alice glanced at the piece of paper for what must have been the hundredth time. It was so crumpled now, it was surprising she could read it at all. She had not told anyone when she was going, not even her closest friends. She wanted this to be over as soon as possible and then she could get on with her life.

She took a breath and stepped into the fire. Meanwhile James and Sirius were looking for Alice and not being successful they went to Madame Pomfrey. Seeing Sirius she said "you just missed Alice. She's already gone for the appointment".

James and Sirius looked at each other and sprinted towards Professor McGonagall's office.

"Professor" James said between breaths "we need to go to St. Mungos. Alice left without us".

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black she requested to go alone. I am sorry but she has already left".

"But Professor…" Sirius pleaded.

"I'm sorry Black, I think the headmaster will allow you to visit her on the weekend. That is all I have to say on the matter" and with that Professor McGonagall motioned for them to leave her office.

The pair met Lily coming out of her Arithmancy class. She welcomed them with a smile but frowned when the saw their identical looks of worry.

'What's up?" she said quickly.

Glancing up and down the corridor to make sure no one was listening Sirius told her that Alice had already left for St Mungos. Lily sighed and said:

"I knew she would do this. Ever since her meeting with Frank she hasn't said a word about her pregnancy or their relationship". She sighed again and said "well we'll definitely have to visit her on the weekend. She's going to be a wreck".

Before visiting Alice the three carefully selected presents for her. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, this was a big deal. Shifting nervously Lily waited in front of the fireplace for James and Sirius. She was anxious for her friend's mental and physical state.

After arriving at St Mungos they made their way up to Level Five where the Welcome Witch had indicated they go. There was Alice, sitting up right in her bed working on something which looked distinctly like a transfiguration essay.

"Trust" James said with a laugh while Sirius smiled and rolled his eyes. Alice looked over and smiled weakly. She still looked very pale, but worst of all she looked afraid of what was happening. Lily saw something flicker in her eyes but it was quickly covered with her masterful façade.

James and Sirius laughed and joked about everything at school trying to make Alice laugh as many times as possible. Lily just held onto her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Hours slipped away unnoticed as the trio stayed with Alice.

It wasn't until a quiet cough came from the door that they realised their cue to leave. Frank stood at the door. He had apparently been standing at the door for quite some time. Suddenly all three decided suddenly they were in desperate need of a cup of coffee and quickly walked out of room, but it wasn't quick enough.

"Fuck off" Alice said bitterly.

"God, Alice please. I came to see you because I care about you. Please babe" he asked softly.

"CARE ABOUT ME?" she yelled "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME".

"Hey wait a second, I'm not entirely to blame. It takes two to tango" he said his voice rising.

"Yeah? Is that so? If I'm not wrong I was going to be the one who had to have the baby" Alice said icily. "You didn't even want to know about this".

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" he yelled "YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME ANYTIME TO THINK. YOU RAN AWAY BEFORE I HAD A CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING".

"You didn't have to say anything. I saw the disappointment in your eyes when I told you I didn't want to have the baby" she said looking down at the white linen and smoothed the sheets with her shaking hands.

"CHRIST ALICE. It was a shock, you could have given me three seconds to take it all in. Of course I was surprised, you hadn't come to discuss anything with me, you had come to tell me about the abortion. I didn't get a say in the matter" he said sadly.

"WHO'S BODY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? _HMMMM_? That's right, mine. I haven't finished school, I haven't done anything with my life and you expected me to give it up, marry you and raise our child while you had a life" she yelled feeling her throat ache.

"THAT'S A HELL OF A LOT OF ASSUMPTIONS. I don't remember being asked about any of that. Would that be before or after you ran away and refused to speak to me?" he shot at her angrily. It had stung that she had thought he would expect that.

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN" she screamed.

"ALICE YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS. Just, god, let me think" he said tiredly.

Alice looked determinedly out of the window trying not to look at Frank. Frank was rubbing his temples in a stressed way.

"Other than the fact that you hate me, how are you feeling? Frank asked. This raised a small smile from Alice who, to her disgust, shed a tear.

"I don't know" she admitted truthfully "I feel completely fucked up…literally hahaha" she laughed sarcastically. Frank climbed onto the bed beside her and took her in his arms and whispered to her:

"I would have stuck by you and our child and I'm not going anywhere. But you're right we are faaaaaaaaar too young to be parents. All of this was such a shock, I couldn't believe it! But that doesn't mean it's going to change anything, I still love you".

Alice looked at him, love? He hadn't said that before.

"Love's a strong word" she said quietly

"It's a strong feeling" he told her cupping her face "I mean it".

"Great start to the year" Alice grumbled which earned her a laugh from Frank as he held her closer.

"Definitely interesting" he laughed "I promise this will never happen again. No one should have to go through so much pain, emotional or physical. I promise to be more careful".

"For a while I think I'm going to stick to sleeping in my own bed" Alice said truthfully.

Without warning Frank began to laugh and laugh. He kissed Alice's forehead and began to tell her about Auror training.

Lily squeezed James hand as they stood outside watching the couple joke and laugh.

A/N: okay now for the well overdue thank you's! VERY VERY IMPORTANT…Lily is NOT pregnant, there is no Harry or Neville coming.

**Madsdagirl**: No need to thank me for reviewing, I should be thanking you (which is incidentally what I am doing presently). As I said at the start of this chapter, you take the time and the effort not only to read my story but review it, which is fantastic so I thought I would do the same for you! I will read and review anything else you want me to and I am interested in the new story you are writing. When I wrote this one I wrote up to chapter 19 before I posted it, but every now and then I fuse chapters together and add new things! Your quite right about controversial, I knew picking this topic would have some draw backs, but the fact of the matter is, it happens and if it's real I want to write about it. However it was very hard to write considering how many different perspectives there are and how strongly some people feel. Interestingly I have read a fair few stories over the past couple of weeks…I have found rape, abuse, sex and even suicide but not in one other story have I read abortion. As I mentioned before it is very difficult topic to write on considering the level of debate it inspires, but I also had to consider how many different people would react. I am grateful that yours was positive, but I was not expecting everyone's to be. Thank you for your comments on Sirius, he is my favourite character to write and feel he is misrepresented in most stories, but then again it is all speculation! Thank you once again: )

**Newest Marauder: **Thank you very much and as I just said to _Madsdagirl _Sirius is my favourite character to write. Although he appears almost constantly in Lily and James stories I almost feel as though they are missing a side to him or he comes off as quite shallow (sometimes unintentionally). I find it hard to believe being disowned (or disowning) your parents is an effect that rubs off quickly! Yes I would love to write Sirius a girl, I am trying to hint at the fact that he has girlfriends but finds them meaningless hence why they are not included in the story. Although I am searching for some character for him, suggestions please! Thank you for taking the time to review it makes my day.

**Marauder's rule**: Liezl! THANK YOU! Sorry I have taken so long to update I hope you can forgive me (how about if I smile winningly like this… : ) ) I always love your reviews, so thank you thank you

**Gilmoregirl7878**: Ah unfortunately no Harry or Neville soon…but yes your correct their birthdays are close together. Thank you for reviewing and please continue to read : )

**Rayolis**: I always look forward to your reviews! Bad week eh? Well I guess that was a few weeks ago, but hopefully this week has been awesome to compensate! Her outburst was just Lily's temper…she isn't pregnant and Alice now isn't either. James hitting Sirius was my very poor attempt and comedy and it may have failed dismally, I always wanted to be able to write comically, unfortunately I don't think I have much of a knack for it! Your comments of descriptions were touching though, thank you again (I should count how many times I have thanked you now…not that you don't deserve every one of them!)

**FireQueen618**: Mmmm, food for thought thank you I'm still working on her character but your giving me an excellent base to begin from. The bit I'm struggling with at the moment is how she is going to so different from the rest, I'm not sure hot to set her apart? Any ideas, also I need a name, someone that really (well in the books) exists, I would also love to hear your ideas on this one. I love your suggestions and the time you put into them, thank you.

**Hpelvenfaerie**: I am amazed how many people have reviewed especially concerning Sirius' character. I agree with you in the respect that some stories seem to gloss over his character and jump straight into him being a complete sex god with no emotions, it doesn't seem to fit considering his family history, he would have to brood at least occasionally! I'm glad we share the same point of view! Many people have asked me to get Sirius a girl, well…I am trying…I promise. It is proving most difficult, although I had an excellent suggestion that she might have a huge impact on him and them possibly pass away. This would indicate why he never has a girlfriend or love interest in the current Harry Potter era. What do you think? I would love to hear your suggestions as well.

**LBuccalo**: I waited nervously to see your review and was extremely relieved to see that you liked it! I am touched that you included some of the details of your personal life especially given the content of my story and Alice's position. I (of course) would love to know if this chapter is what you would expect? I am in awe of your endless compliments. I am also very interested in your point of view concerning the choice Alice made and her feelings, I don't mean to pry and if I am asking too much please feel free to ignore these comments and forgive the intrusion. But I am truly thankful for all your amazing reviews and support, thank you a million times over.

**.x.X.x xesha .x.X.x**: Thanks!

**Opal Koboi and Emerald eyes**: I hope this has helped with your curiosity! By the way your name is really interesting, what does it mean?

**Tropicalpunch9812**: It wasn't supposed to be a cliffhanger, so sorry! Thank you for saying my writings improved, I hope it is, but sometimes I wonder! Sirius does need a girl and I'm working on it…but Remus…I'm still working on his character so a girl for him might be a while coming!

**ShIvErIng sMiLe**: I respect your point of view and am very careful to listen to everyone's point of view when it comes to this issue. I understand it is a controversial issue for a number of reasons and the characters positions do not necessarily reflect my opinion, but this was what I had in mind for Alice. Thank you for not judging that opinion, many people would and I thank you for that respect. I love your honesty; it is always great to hear people's real opinions and thoughts. I knew writing abortion into the story was always a bit of a gamble. Thank you for thanking me for the thanks hahahahahhahahahahahaha (sorry as I said before I have not much luck with comedy!) Many thanks for your opinions, honesty and suggestions all of which are taken into account.

**Amy**: Please read what I have written at the start of this chapter concerning the content and it's relation to abortion. I don't pretend to be an expert, because I'm not and Alice's views on abortion do not necessarily reflect mine, that's particularly important. However based on your information concerning how a child can feel in a womb I am grateful for the insight, sometimes I can be woefully wrong and apologise sincerely if I have offended you or misrepresented anything.

**Marauders babe**: You are crazy (but in a good way)…your little dialogue made me laugh! I have read and reviewed both of your stories so enjoy!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU


	19. Chapter 19

**I have posted more than one chapter this time, so thank yous are posted on the last chapter.**

**I love you all.**

**CHAPTER 19 I'm not crazy cos I take the right pills everyday **

The sounds of laughter reached her ears. Alice looked around apprehensively and her eyes fell on a small child who wouldn't be much more than three years of age. She smiled at the little girl with startling blue eyes like her father and curly black hair partly from her mother. The child was running around in a circle with a huge grin on her face as though this was the most fun she had ever experienced. Without warning the child fell in a heap, her body was still too heavy to be supported by her legs.

Without a second thought the mother rushed over to the child and held it in her arms, soothing her with the warm strokes of her hands. As the child began to smile the mother laughed unable to stop as the child's fall was instantly forgotten. The child launched itself onto its mother with a joy filled squeal. The pair collapsed onto the ground overcome with fits of laughter.

Scooping up the child the mother carried her home, holding her close in case she could feel the cold wind. They reached a small house, the same as those beside it. Austere and slightly shabby but home nonetheless. The mother gently undressed the child and placed her into a small yellow crib, all the while humming to herself. She sat quietly beside the bed until she could hear the gentle snores of the young child.

Alice woke up in a cold sweat, her heart pounding and she gasped as she sat up. Another dream that could almost be caste as a nightmare. Every night since she had returned from the hospital it had plagued her. She willed her heart to stop racing and lay back down, trying to convince herself to sleep again.

Nothing would work however, the images of a child, her child kept coming back to her. Unable to shake them, she lay in state of complete shock staring at the ceiling and she let one silent tear fall, afraid if any more fell, they would never stop. The darkness slowly turned to grey as the sun rose.

Slowly and carefully when she couldn't lie still any longer she began to dress.

When your world merely seems like a shell and everyone else around embraces life what do you do? Do you pretend that you are enjoying each and every one of their fake stories? Do you pretend to enjoy the life of luxury you were born to lead? Do you ask annoying questions incessantly with no answers?

Sirius shut his notebook with a snap, whoever said that writing things down would help should be shot. To him it just confused things more and he began to think about the endless possibilities of the pages continuing. He glanced over at his friends. James and Lily locked in what looked like wrestling competition, Alice curled up in front of the fire, Moony with his book at a table close by and Peter nervously chewing his fifth chocolate frog.

Lily had given him a notebook, thinking maybe it would help with his inner turmoil. How he wished he could return to a time when chicks, mates and pranks were all that invaded his thoughts. That was when he had any of course! To feel completely lost in one's own skin begins to give a picture of the mess Sirius was in.

He had dumped a girl last week and felt horrible about it, but he didn't love her and he couldn't pretend. The look in her eyes when she had told that she loved him was unbearable as Sirius couldn't return it. Lying about love was impossible. It was too stronger a feeling to joke about.

His pensive state was worrisome, but not harmful. He merely hoped that eventually he would want to be stupid again and fooling around with a random girl in a broom closet would be fun.

Alice was in much the same state Sirius was in, she was just a much better actor. Excusing herself she ran for the shower. Just to stand under the hot water was bliss as she felt herself become alive. It had been hard to pretend everything was alright. Frank seemed keen on forgiving and forgetting, but nothing was ever that simple for Alice.

She was beginning to like the company of being alone and she knew it would be temporary, but just to spend some time alone would be fabulous. She knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to do it.

She could almost see Frank's disappointed face. She loved him just as much as a friend as she did as a boyfriend, but breaking up is always hard to do. Even if it's only for a short while. Alice sighed as she finally eased the taps off putting her crinkled feet on the fluffy bathmat in front of her.

Slipping into her most comfortable clothes, she sat warm and calm staring out into the night just as Sirius did. She pulled out a long sheaf of parchment and began to write to Frank, knowing she was a coward for not seeing him face to face, but she couldn't do it. It was too hard.

_Dear Frank _(she paused unsure of what to write next)

Half an hour later the parchment was still blank. Finally she picked up her quill and began to write.

_The last few weeks have been extremely confusing. I am not writing to tell you that I do not love you anymore because that is not the case. The fact is I need some time to figure things out. Just a small amount of time alone._

_I made one of biggest decisions I will ever have to make a few weeks ago and the fact that we almost became parents is extremely scary. I know this letter is short and doesn't make much sense, but at the moment neither do I. _

_You deserve the best of everything and I can only give you that when I am completely healed. _

_All my love,_

_Alice xxx_

Alice looked over the letter once and decided it was perfect. It wasn't too over the top, because she really did only want a small break. She walked quickly up to the Owlery to post her letter, hoping Frank would understand.

Alice didn't have to wait very long for a reply. She could only bare to read the letter once. Frank was very angry and hurt. He had called her a few names, which she knew he didn't mean. Alice found the news relatively easy to take after all that had happened.

Alice opened her trunk and grabbed a sweater for dinner; out of it fell a small plastic bag containing four white pills. Alice looked at them warily, she was muggle born and her friends took these occasionally when they went clubbing. Alice had bought some a few months ago, but had completely forgotten about them.

Smiling Alice remembered why she hadn't taken them. She had been excessively drunk and dancing with a hot guy at a club and had completely forgotten about the pills stashed in her bra.

The sounds of erupting cheers met her ears, there was a quidditch game going on and from the sounds of it Gryffindor had won, she smiled. This meant a huge party in the Gryffindor common room. An hour passed by without Alice noticing, she was still winding the small plastic bag through her fingers. Smiling she got out the hottest clothes she owned. A black pleated mini-skirt, knee-high suede boots and a red halter top. She curled her hair softly and applied dark eyeliner to her eyes feeling dangerous.

If Frank couldn't understand, fuck him. She was going to have fun without the blue-eyed boy.

Alice gave herself a once over in the mirror and smirked at her reflection. She was going to blow everyone away. Quickly she placed one of the pills in her mouth and swallowed, grimacing at the bad taste that flooded into her mouth.

Alice muttered the password and the portrait swung open to admit her, the party seemed to be in full swing. The music filled her body as she grabbed a shot of firewhiskey from the table laden with food and drinks.

She saw Sirius eyes pop out as he saw her across the room. 'Perfect' she thought. She knew she was being watched as she grabbed another shot of firewhiskey and started to move to the music. She moved into the middle of the dance floor and threw her hands above her head as the alcohol and the pill began to pump through her blood.

Alice had numerous dance partners; everyone wanted to dance with the sexy Ravenclaw. She only stopped dancing to drink some more firewhiskey which must have been her sixth. Finally Sirius joined her on the dance floor, he smiled and she smiled seductively and winked at him.

She placed his hands on her hips, grinding her hips on his and snaking her arms around his neck. Sirius' eyes widened, but he was a guy after all and responded accordingly. She grinned to herself 'I'll give him heartless' she thought. The bass was filling her body and she loved the feeling of the toned quidditch player against her body.

Gently she pushed Sirius off the dance floor, took hold of his shirt and walked backwards up the stairs to his dormitory. She pushed him onto his bed, straddling his waist and kissed him strongly. She ripped his shirt off his body. It wasn't until then that Sirius seemed to catch on to what was happening.

"Alice…"he begun, but she cut him off by kissing him and sticking her tongue in his mouth. She rubbed his obvious erection, causing him to moan loudly.

"Alice, seriously, are you sure you want to do this?" Sirius asked his eyes closed. He couldn't believe this was happening. He knew something had happened between Alice and Frank, obviously it was big. He was slightly drunk and he had always found her attractive.

She threw her top on the ground and ripped her skirt off seconds later.

"No bra Alice, you naughty thing" Sirius laughed, knowing he would probably regret this in the morning, but how could say no to the sexy black haired girl on top of him? Alice seemed to have so much energy; Sirius reasoned that she must have had a few drinks.

She ran her hands down his chest, licking his nipples before tugging at his boxers. Sirius lifted his hips obligingly. Alice pulled his boxers off in one swift movement and sucked him gently.

Before Sirius could come he rolled her underneath him and entered her while she wrapped her legs around his torso and yelled his name as his thrusting became quicker. Even in her state Alice could tell that this was not the first time Sirius had had sex. He knew exactly what he was doing and how to make her climax.

As her breathing became laboured she scratched her nails down his back, leaving red marks which seemed to turn him on even more. She gripped the bed sheets as she reached an earth-shattering climax. She let out a loud moan which was mirrored by Sirius' seconds later as he collapsed on her. She knew her climax was mostly from the drug.

Alice glanced around the room which was spinning slightly; she didn't know whether it was from the sex, drugs or alcohol. She didn't particularly care.

She smiled slightly when she heard a soft snore from Sirius. She could still feel the effects of the pill in her blood and she quickly dressed and headed downstairs. She was surprised when she saw plenty of people still dancing.

Throwing herself into the throng of dancing people she began to sway to the bass grinding with another Gryffindor. Lily was looking at her strangely, and Alice simply returned her gaze with a glare. She kept dancing until she was almost the only left on the dance floor. She sauntered back to her dormitory and fell asleep with all her clothes on.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting headache and raced to the bathroom. Throwing up for the third time, Alice looked in the mirror and began to search for her make up. She generously applied it and fluffed her hair out so she still looked hot.

She chucked on her school uniform, leaving several buttons undone at the front of her shirt and she rolled the sleeves up. She hitched her skirt a little higher to show off her tanned legs. She left her sweater in the room because she was wearing a black bra and the shirt was white. She wanted guys to oogle over her.

She sauntered down to breakfast, pausing at the end of the Ravenclaw for a purposeful stretch which showed off her stomach. She walked right up to the Ravenclaw quidditch captain who turned in surprise. She simply winked and straddled him causing her skirt to hitch up higher and to make people start whispering. Her quidditch captain obviously wasn't complaining, he had been trying to get Alice to go out with him all year. She began to feed him toast as Sirius, James, Remus and Peter entered the hall.

Even James stopped and looked at Alice and Ravenclaw quidditch captain in their compromising position with Alice's legs very visible. Noticing she stopped feeding him and took a sip of pumpkin juice in her mouth, kissed him and let the juice slid into his mouth before replacing it with her tongue knowing the move would turn most guys on.

She kissed his neck and got to her feet yawning again and winking at Remus, who turned bright red. She reached into her bag and poured fire whiskey into her pumpkin juice and skulled the whole thing before walking up to Remus.

She noticed how Sirius was looking at her, she knew they did not love each other, it was entirely physical. Fun though, she smiled at the memory of the previous night. She began to run her hands through Remus' hair and whispered naughty things into his ear, which made him redder.

James and Lily just stared with their mouths open, until she picked up her school bag and slung it across her shoulder.

Remus touched the spot on his cheek where she had kissed him and Sirius turned to James and Lily.

"What the fuck was that?" James asked utterly bewildered.

"Yes, what's going on with her?" Lily said equally as surprised, Alice was not normally one to lead anyone on.

"She was going off at the party last night" Sirius mentioned.

James gave his friend an odd look and Sirius thought maybe he had guessed what had happened between him and Alice.

"She looks hot" said the shy Remus and Sirius smiled.

"Yeah, Mooney you looked pretty happy before" he said with an eyebrow raised. He had woken up this morning smelling of perfume and sex. He had strained his memory of what had happened and then finally remembered the black haired girl full of energy. The sex had been fantastic. He felt a little guilty, she was his friend, but she had used him as much as he had used her. 'Mutual disrespect' Sirius thought with a smile.

As Alice left the Great Hall she knew she had surprised her friends and loved every minute of it. She took another drink of fire whiskey before striding into class 15 minutes late.

"Miss Carter, you are 15 minutes late, that will be 15 points from Ravenclaw" Professor Flickwick snapped at her.

Alice simply rolled her eyes and looked bored.

"Is that all you've got" she challenged. Remus and Sirius shared a surprised look. Alice had never been in trouble before.

"Detention Miss Carter" the Professor said quietly.

"Wow, I'm so impressed, one detention amazing" she said sarcastically, before dumping her books on the ground with a loud thump.

"A week's worth of detentions, Miss Carter" the Professor said with his voice rising.

"My pleasure" Alice said with a smirk and sat in her chair looking quite at her ease as if she found she whole situation hilarious. She took no notes the whole lesson. She placed her hand on the thigh of the cute boy sitting next to her who almost fell over in shock. Every time the Professor made a point she slid her hand up a little further making the boy sweat slightly.

Sirius watched the whole situation slightly amazed that Alice would go this far for revenge over what ever had happened with Frank. She was obviously hurting, but damn was she a good actress. The guy next to her looked as if he was going to faint.

Casually Alice waited until the entire class had left, placing her feet on the desk and lounging further back in her chair when Sirius came and sat next to her.

"What is going on with you today?" Sirius asked, genuinely concerned.

Instead of answering, she slid her hands down his open shirt front, grabbed the v of his jumper and pulled him towards her. She teased him with her tongue and he could taste alcohol.

"Maybe I just got a little bored with the old Alice, she was such a drag. Besides its my last year at school I want to have fun" Alice whispered into his ear, her tongue trailing around as she said it.

'I wish I had more self control' Sirius thought as he ran his hands up Alice's bare legs. She uncrossed them for Sirius and looked him dead in the eyes as they made their way up to her panties.

She took his hand and slid it inside her panties, he responded without thinking, putting his fingers inside her as Alice let her head fall back on his shoulders. Mentally Sirius shook himself, what was he doing? This was Alice, who he had spent the summer with, who he had laughed with over James and Lily's antics, who he played quidditch with. Quickly he withdrew his hand and Alice looked slightly disappointed.

"If you won't do it, there are plenty of charming young men who want to" Alice said flippantly before kissing Sirius' neck. But before she could leave Sirius grabbed her bag and pulled out the half empty bottle of fire whiskey.

"Have it" she began not looking at all concerned "I've got plenty more you know. Now don't go thinking I've got a drinking problem and poor little Alice needs help because your wrong" she spat at him.

"Alice, I'm worried about you" Sirius said looking at the floor. She snorted

"You weren't worried about me last night. In fact I think you may actually have enjoyed yourself" she said before grabbing the bottle from Sirius. She took a large sip and let it fall to the ground with a smash.

"Gotta run sweetie, things to see people to do" she smiled at her joke and left the room.

Sirius was recoiled slightly and blinked twice, slightly confronted with Alice's new behaviour. He ran upstairs to write a letter to Frank. Alice was never going to talk to him now and it was definitely time for drastic action. At the rate Alice was going, she was going to break every guy's heart in seventh year.

All of a sudden she was hit with an extreme pain, as if her stomach was trying to separate itself from the rest of her body. Unable to take the pain she fell to the ground, only just managing to subdue a scream. The Medi-Witch had warmed her about this, the consequences of having an abortion. Each month she felt as though her inside was burning and ripping.

Again and again the waves of pain crashed against her body and clutched to her abdomen, afraid it would completely explode if she didn't hold it in. It was like the worst period pain she had ever experienced. Sweat began to pour down her face, she was unable to control it and it was the least of her worries at the present time.

With all the strength she possessed she pulled herself to her feet and fell again the cool stone walls. She began to drag herself back to her dormitory for something to help her in her ordeal. Anything.

A/N: Okay a few important things regarding this chapter. You'll notice I included Sirius breaking up with a girl that I never actually mentioned as part of the story, yes that is intentional, almost a reflection of the useless relationship (plus I couldn't find a decent character to base her on, which I am working on). Secondly this chapter is not one of my greatest, but I wrote Alice's character deliberately like that, including the somewhat 'loose' nature. Please forgive me if you do not like where she is going, but it isn't for long. Unfortunately this aspect is based on real events which I didn't wish to change so bare with me : ) The associated pain is also an unpleasant reality which I felt should be included.


	20. Chapter 20

**More chapters have been posted, enjoy!**

**CHAPTER 20 if you have to ask you can't afford**

"ALICE, JUST STOP IT. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM" Sirius yelled.

"OH FUCK OFF BLACK, MY PRIVATE LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" Alice threw at him furious that he had interrupted her night with a young Hufflepuff man.

"JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE SEX DOES NOT MEAN I HAVE A PROBLEM. YOU ARE A TYPICAL GUY" Alice screamed furious with him "I BET YOU'VE HAD A MILLION GIRLS AND WHEN I DO IT…I HAVE A PROBLEM! YOU HAVE SOME NERVE" her throat began to hurt from her screaming.

Lily ran down the hall when she heard Alice's screams: "Alice what's wrong?" she asked.

"OH NO, NOT YOU TOO, LET ME GUESS. _YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME_. WELL DON'T BE, I'M COPING JUST FINE WITHOUT FRANK" she had turned on her best friend.

"Lily you try talking to her I can't handle this. She's been drinking and screwing some Hufflepuff guy" Sirius said utterly exhausted with trying to keep Alice out of the trouble that she obviously wanted to get herself in. Out of nowhere Alice slapped him with all her might.

"YOU DISGUST ME BLACK, I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER SLEPT WITH YOU, YOU COULD BE BOTHERED THEN. YOU REALLY ARE THE PINICAL OF MANHOOD" she yelled drawing as much sarcasm as she could out of the last few words before disappearing down the hall.

Lily stood red faced, amazed that Alice had just yelled at her like that for trying to help. Her rational mind came into play and she turned on Sirius.

"You slept with Alice?" she accused.

Sirius sighed, this was going to be hard to explain.

"Look I'll explain it to you and James together so I don't have to do it twice" he said not looking forward to his friends yelling at him.

"PADFOOT, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU" James yelled.

"You'll have to get in line, trust me" Sirius said with resignation.

"Look Alice and I were never in love we both needed something that night. I needed sex and she needed to feel wanted. A feeling I'm guessing wasn't satisfied with me" he said roughly.

"Padfoot, not satisfying someone?" James said rudely "that's a first".

Sirius let it go, he knew James would get over it quickly, but for now he needed to be angry.

"God, you idiot, you knew she was upset after her and Frank broke up" Lily said sadly.

"Yeah, but did any of you guys bother to find out why she wanted time apart from Frank" Sirius began ignoring the death glares from James. Lily had obviously done him a lot of good, a year ago James would have high-fived Sirius and gone back to talking about Quidditch. "We never knew what happened, you know, like why Alice is really bitter at Frank. Look, we have to find a way to help her. I sent Frank a letter and I'm still waiting for a reply. I thought if we knew what happened between them, then at least we go try and make things right" Sirius finished and looked around at his friends.

Lily glanced at James who looked at Remus who looked at Peter. She nodded, but thought to herself 'this is going to be hard'.

Alice picked up her diary and threw it across the Room of Requirement. She was SO angry. She was so sick of everybody having an opinion on how her life should be run and what was right and wrong. The rage boiled up inside her and wanted to punch, kick, throw things, any things it didn't matter.

She had so much pent up tension. She felt really unloved despite all the extra attention she was getting these days. She ran around the room, desperate to find a way to release the anger in her. She wanted to scream again and again at Sirius, for nagging her. He was always around, how come he couldn't just LEAVE HER ALONE.

Clenching her fists in frustration she wildly threw a few punches into mid air.

"ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" she yelled. Nothing worked, she couldn't get rid of the feeling of hopelessness, uselessness and anger.

She walked across the room and picked up her latest bottle of fire whiskey. Despite what Sirius thought, she only drank occasionally. Tonight was definitely a night for alcohol thought. Sculling a portion of the bottle she began to pace the room again.

Restless, perhaps she was going insane. Inadequacy has to be the worst feeling in the world. FUCK THE LOT OF THEM. If she wanted to screw around and have a few drinks, what was it to them? Since when did they care anyway?

She conjured up a punching bag and began to throw punches left, right and centre. She wanted to cry, but she was so angry that she seemed incapable of doing anything else but being angry.

Sweat began to run down her face and along her back but she didn't stop. The more she beat the punching bag the more anger escaped her. Finally when she was exhausted she walked back across the room and sculled the remainder of the bottle of fire whiskey. She smiled when she thought of her parents faces. She was always a good girl, but she didn't want to be a good girl anymore.

Extremely drunk she crawled over to the couch, she didn't think she could make it to the bed. Slumping on the couch she passed out.

When she woke up the next morning she rubbed her stiff neck and groaned as the light streamed through the windows. Glancing at the clock on the wall she knew she had missed her first class.

Groaning she staggered over to the bathroom. That was the second time this week that she had thrown up her entire stomach. Mainlining alcohol always eased the pain at the time, but she had enough common sense to know that her liver hated her.

Blindly she groped around for something to pick her up. Had she not have been rude to Lily, she could have whipped her up a potion to kill the awful headache. She popped another of the white pills that sat in her jeans pockets.

Within 10 minutes she felt much more awake and dressed no so appropiately for the upcoming day. She strutted into the Great Hall for lunch and sat next to Remus blatantly ignoring the other marauders and Lily.

Sirius' face was unreadable as she began to flirt with Remus. She stroked his arm and batted her eyelashes at him. She could barely keep still with the drug pumping through her. She grabbed the front of Remus' shirt and kissed him sticking her tongue into his mouth.

He was so surprised that he just took it, but his eyes narrowed slightly as he recognised the taste in her mouth. Alice flounced off in order to find her next victim. She was quickly becoming known as Hogwarts resident play girl.

"FUCK, I can't take this" Sirius yelled slamming his cutlery onto the table "why is she acting like this? She's like family and I only want to help".

"Maybe it's the alcohol" Lily suggested.

"Or maybe she's still upset about Frank" James guessed. Sirius snorted,

"I think she's over him" he said motioning to her antics with a Hufflepuff prefect.

"Maybe its…" Peter began before Remus cut in

"Drugs" he said shortly. Everyone turned in surprise. "What?" he asked. "Just because I'm shy at school doesn't mean I can't recognise the taste, its pretty obvious".

James and Sirius looked at Lily for an explanation, they had grown up in the wizarding world and had no idea about most things 'muggle'.

"Fuck, that explains everything. The excess energy and the sex drive. I had no idea, none. No wonder she's having mood swings, those things will fuck you up…" but before Lily could continue Sirius had run after Alice.

Sirius grabbed Alice from behind and held onto her.

"Oh no you don't Sirius Black" she said acidly "you had your chance"

"Really Alice darling, what are you going to do about it? Take some drugs?" he let the last question hang in the air. Alice had stopped immediately surprised that he had any idea what she had been doing. She slammed into Sirius with all her might.

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA" she yelled trying to hit all of him at once. She struggled again and again, but Sirius just held onto her tightly. Eventually she collapsed onto him with a sob. Now the tears had finally come and they weren't about to stop any time soon.

Sirius soothed her quietly until she was quiet. Sirius had stopped stroking her back and let go of her. Without warning she slid to the floor and began shaking. Sirius had no idea what was going on. He yelled for Lily and scooped Alice up and carried her to the Room of Requirement.

"Lily, oh shit, Lily, what the hell is going on?" Sirius said panicking.

"Sirius it's all right, its just a bad trip. Go to my room and bring back my potions stuff. QUICKLY" she snapped.

Lily was very scared, but it didn't stop her rational thoughts. She conjured up a blanket for Alice and sponged her forehead. Sirius returned with a flourish and he and James began pacing around the room, while Remus helped Lily brew something.

Quickly they fed the blue potion to Alice who immediately relaxed and then collapsed into sleep.

After three days of consecutive sleeping Alice woke up and found her friends sitting around her. They all looked tired, worried and extremely stressed. When Lily saw she was awake and ran over:

"Alice, how are you, are you okay, I was so worried, I thought I was going to loose you" Lily rambled.

"Yeah, actually I feel fine. Sleep probably did me good, especially seeing as I haven't been having much sleep lately" she joked, hoping to lighten the mood. Sirius laughed before enveloping her in the biggest hug he possessed.

"How did you guys know what was wrong with me?" Alice asked, she was very curious how they had discovered her secret. James opened his mouth to explain but Remus cut in.

"It was me, I recognised the drug when you kissed me. It has a very distinctive taste" Remus answered not looking worried that all his friends were staring at him. Alice smiled when she realised that poor Remus had taken some before as well. She wondered what he had to escape from.

"Look guys, I'm really sorry about what I put you through" Alice said sadly a little ashamed of her behaviour towards her friends. James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily all smiled at her.

"The sex was awesome though" she added honestly and everyone looked at Sirius who laughed heartily and said:

"With me or every other guy in seventh year?" he asked with a smile to let her know he wasn't mad at her. She began to laugh which was something she hadn't done since her abortion.

"Sirius darling I'm sure you were marvellous. I think I'm about ready to be myself again though" she said with a smile. Remus let a loud sigh and said sarcastically:

"Thank God for that, I mean I really hate when sexy girls flirt with me at breakfast". This drew a laugh out of everyone in the group, especially seeing as Remus was seen as the 'quiet' one.

The atmosphere was considerably lighter than it had been previously. Laughter filled the halls again and Alice found herself happier than she had been all year. Even though happiness was infectious the horrible inevitability of exams drew closer, as unstoppable as time itself.

The red head more than anyone was feeling the pressure. Exams were still months away but she could hardly run away from them or the mass amounts of work that they had been set. She wasn't the only one feeling the pressure of exams.

He may have been quiet but Remus Lupin had seen his fair share of troubles in the past. He hoped his friends would forget that he was the one who recognised what Alice was taking. Too many questions and he did not have the disposition to lie to those whom he felt indebted to.

The last rays of light streamed through the window and glanced off the materials scattered on the ground and on tables and chairs. Inwardly he let out a huge sigh. For the millionth time he wondered what his life would be like if he wasn't a werewolf. Would he be in a passionate relationship like Lily and James? Would he have too many troubles like Alice?

Emptiness filled him from top to toe with its silent partner, loneliness. It managed to interrupt his thoughts even at the best of times. All he had to do was look at Lily and James and feel pangs of jealousy.

Every day would be filled with the horrible sense of foreboding that came with each full moon. He was tormented, he saw the pale orb in his dreams, the pain that ravaged his body and the feelings of uncontrolled acquiesce.


	21. Chapter 21

**Just a short one I'm sorry, and I have posted one more so don't be angry with me for not posting because I put four chapters up!**

**CHAPTER 21 The effeminate collective noun 'they'**

Once again the talk had turned to Quidditch. Quidditch, that's all they ever talk about. When we're not watching a match, we're talking about the match or the national league. Again and again, every replay, every shot for goal, over and over until the only feeling left was frustration and irritation. An endless sea of quidditch stretched out as far as the Sahara.

The pale eyes of Remus Lupin surveyed the scene before him with the quiet demeanour he was known for. The last rays of sun were not going quietly, the heat was still unbelievably present and small beads of sweat trickled down his back. The sun seemed unrelenting like the endless quidditch talk. The heat was uncommon for this time of year; shirts stuck to bodies as Sirius dragged his hand across his brow.

Everyone searches for an escape from the endless stretches of altercations and monotony. Everybody believes they have many problems and how you deal with them can shape years of your life. Casting his mind back, Remus remembered the events of the past few days with the usual careful consideration and rational thought patterns. He knew his friends looked at him differently; he had let one small piece of information slip.

Lily and Alice didn't know the truth about why he hated himself so thoroughly or why he had resulted to 'so called' illicit substances. It was almost futile trying to explain the horrible physical and emotional pain he went through every month. While James was easily able to name it his 'furry little problem' it was anything but little. It caused him to think he would never be in love, that he was destined for loneliness. Each month he endangered his friends and whilst they consented to it, he could never agree.

Remus studied his hands which were the pale colour that comes from spending too much time inside. Suddenly his hand was covered by another's. He looked up and into the emerald eyes of Lily Evans. He smiled weakly, a vague attempt to obscure his feelings and thoughts. Lily knew a little too much about hiding feelings to be fooled by it. She was bursting to ask how he had known which drug Alice had taken, but was able to keep her mouth shut. If Remus wanted to tell her, he would.

She squeezed his hand reassuringly but the question remained in her eyes. Remus smiled tiredly and seemed so world weary for only seventeen. He could trust Lily but he did not want another person to worry after him, or his friends.

"It was a really good way to escape, without running" he said.

He would allow her just one sentence, a little more knowledge, but not everything. Again she squeezed his hand to let him know she understood. The rush and the high make you feel invincible. As always with anything that good comes the consequences. The extreme low that follows such a high and the continous craving for the escape that only it can provide.

It wasn't a real answer, but it did provide relief for a time for him. And now he was looking, always looking for something else.

For what seemed like the 80th time that day Frank tried to start something productive. During the week it was all right because he could easily pretend that his heart wasn't aching and that he continually wished he did not send that letter. 'Never let the sun go down on your anger', that's what his mother had always said. However angry people never understand the logical rules of engagement. It's almost as if for a split second they become someone else until the anger seeps through them and becomes them until there isn't enough of the person to act 'normally'.

Irritated he rubbed his temples and raked his hands through his hair. His eyes skimmed the room impatiently reflecting their master's thoughts. An action can take a split second, but repercussions can be endless and possibly regretted for life.

With all the effort he possessed he heaved himself off the chair in front of his desk which was cluttered with scraps of parchment and fell to his bed. Immediately he regretted his actions. The worst part about bringing someone into your house, especially someone you have feelings for, is that once they have touched something or sung a song with you it becomes their song or their favourite part of your house. Worse if you break up, it becomes a constant reminder of that person and subsequently the pain associated with that person, conjuring up all the feelings you had pretended to forget and 'get over'.

There's no trace of perfume left on the pillows and yet you could swear you can still smell them, on your clothes, on your sheets, on your mind. Frank was a rational man, or at least he had been conditioned so by his parents. Proper upstanding members of society, or so everyone told him. They attended every proper engagement and they were polite to all the members of society of the same rank. There was something about their calm and proper demeanour which Frank hated. No emotion, they dealt with him as though he was business transaction. Encouraging him to do well because it would look good for them, encouraging him to be neat so they could compliment him to their friends as a credit to their parenting.

The problem with youth is the constant struggle to be individual, but be happy and accepted. Hence lies the contradiction in terms. Or so Frank believed. He hated being associated with them as a name but not as person. Discussing this problem with anyone usually brought about he saying 'poor little rich boy'.

Alice had been different; she didn't care what his name was or what his parents were like. Brutally honest with clear thoughts which weren't obscured by what her parents wanted her to do, or what society would approve of. She had given herself to him under the pretext of his personality alone and nothing else. And now, what must she think of him? His hasty and rash decision continued to haunt him.

"What a fantastic idea, send an angry letter without thinking it through to the girl you love who just had an abortion" he said aloud sarcastically. Distracted he rubbed his chin and glanced at the invitation on his bedside table for the annual ministry ball. Another excuse for pretentious pure bloods to get together and congratulate each other for being so amazing. He weighed up the consequences of not going; they far out weighed the other option. Perhaps we could go for an hour? Make his parents happy and perhaps even meet someone who would take his mind off Alice.

What was the point of having so much wealth when you just ended up drowning in civility and there's no one around. About a week ago he had received a letter from Sirius Black asking politely for information about what had happened between himself and Alice. The letter sat on his desk unanswered, he could not think of a reason why Sirius would need the private details on his relationship with Alice.

Alice sat in her dormitory alone. It wasn't unusual at the present time, she revelled in the quiet solitude of the room which was normally full of life. It was good just to sit and have time to think and not have to talk about how the felt. She was going to scream if she heard 'are you okay?' one more time.

Strolling over to her trunk Alice pulled out the letter Frank had written her three weeks ago. She had been determined not to let anyone see it as she felt it was catalyst to certain other problems. She had not seen Frank in a month and was slowly beginning to wonder whether she was missing him. It seemed so hard to think about when the overwhelming emotion she felt was confusion.

Carefully she pulled out her wand and muttered:

"_Lumos_" and light glanced out in all directions. Throwing her clothes out of trunk they fell in a messy pile on the floor. Finally the saw the corner of scrunched parchment. She swallowed quickly, quite aware that re-reading the letter would bring up old emotions.

Again she swallowed and willed her heart to slow down. After all it was just a piece of parchment. Quickly she padded down the stairs and into the common room, but instead of sitting down she began to pace. Round and round until she was dizzy.

With shaking hands she unfolded the letter. It read:

_Alice,_

_I almost feel like saying "I have nothing more to say to you", however that will only be appropriate at the end of this letter._

_After all we have been through you are going to take the easy way out, once again the heartless way out. You are an ice queen, you show no remorse for my feelings or the pain I have been through for you._

_I really cannot believe it has come to this._

_I no longer wish to have anything to do with you_

_Frank Longbottom._

The old injustice and pain rose quickly in her chest. A single tear rolled down her cheek, not because of the letter but as a symbol of everything that had happened with Frank. Slowly she strode over to the fire and threw the letter in. She watched the paper fall into the flames and words burn away. With each crackle of the fire a small weight lifted off her chest.

"Goodbye Frank" she muttered to herself as she watched the last bit of parchment turn to ash.

A/N: This was without a doubt my favourite chapter to write. Hopefully you will reading it as much as I loved writing it. This chapter took a long time to start and means a lot to me, so I would love to know what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER 22** **A False sense of accomplishment**

PHEW! Okay I've done enough posting for today, hahaha I'm evil I'm going to make you review each chapter separately (well I can't make you but I would like too, okay not true I appreciate you just reading!) Thank yous are at the bottom of the page!

Letting the warm water run down her body, Lily let out an irritated sigh. She shook her body around trying to release the tension in her neck and shoulders. Finally she gave up, even the calming sensation of the water running down her back wasn't making her feel any better. If anything she felt as though she was wasting time. Pulling the closest towel around her she began to walk out of the bathroom until she was stopped by the unmistakeable hands of James.

He pulled her into what should have been a long kiss, but it was quickly cut off.

"James, not now, I'm really stressed" she said already irritable.

"I'm sure I can think of some ways to make you relax" James whispered seductively.

"Didn't you hear me" she snapped "I said NOT NOW" she yelled her temper getting the better of her.

"WELL WHEN THEN?" he roared in reply "or have you forgotten about your promise to come with me to the stupid Ministry ball".

That stopped Lily short, she had forgotten. In all her panic over how much work she needed to do, she had completely forgotten.

"James, I'm really sorry. I have too much work I need to catch up on" she said meaning to look apologetic but knowing it looked strained.

Oh so it's all about what you want now? Too busy to give me the time of day or spend a little time with me, I have needs too you know!" he snapped in reply.

"Needs, NEEDS. Why don't you grow up and take a look around. If you weren't so focused on your own needs you'll see everybody else has them as well and they definitely do not include your sex life" Lily screamed her green eyes blazing as she strode away from an angry James and ran right into Alice.

"ARGH" Lily yelled.

"Okay calm down King Kong, what's wrong" Alice replied.

"James is what's wrong. Stupid egotistical jerk…if he thought…well…I don't know what I….stupid prat…thinks he so cool…"

"Lily you're rambling" Alice stated

"Here" Lily said shoving an envelope into Alice's chest before storming off, muttering to herself once more. Frowning Alice opened the envelope and she was surprised when she read the invitation. She never knew the Ministry had any balls, none that she had heard of anyway.

"_Could be fun, meet some new guys" _Alice thought to herself and stowed the envelope carefully inside her robes and began to hum lightly as she decided what to wear.

"Damn" Lily swore to herself. She couldn't for the life of her find her notes on Animagi. She moved her piles of books around and began rummaging through sheafs of parchment in search of her notes. She felt the throbbing waves of a headache which had been threatening to break all day finally crash around her.

As usual she was trapped inside the caverns of the library surrounded by the endless amounts of information. Remus was also somewhere nearby trapped in the same nightmare. Peter however was in his usual place, the kitchens. For him food was solace. He wasn't as stupid as everyone assumed, he heard the talk. Everybody wondered how he got to be friends with two popular boys and their quiet friend who had a calm demeanour and a knack for seriousness.

If you asked any teachers to describe Peter Pettigrew it would probably start and end with his friends and their attributes. Who really knew the troubles of the slightly tubby and hardly talented Peter Pettigrew? Many people speak of prejudice, but what about those people who never get noticed, those with outspoken friends who so easily get pushed to one side in an attempt to impress. The foil for some else's good humour or worse, he grimaced at the thought, good looks.

This was what Peter Pettigrew was good at, ask anybody, if they even knew who he was. No ambition but to be noticed, perhaps to get a few girls to notice him instead of asking him to deliver their love notes or offers of…well…things Peter Pettigrew could only dream about. And dream about it he did, one couldn't expect any self respecting teenage boy not to, much to the mousy haired boys dismay. He thought of how James and Sirius would roar with laughter and offer to set him up with a girl that fancied them and not him. That liked James Quidditch ability or Sirius' good looks.

He tried very hard not to be envious and most of the time he succeeded. Being surrounded by all the things he did not posses 24 hours a day and seven days a week felt like salt being rubbed into his wounds. The clattering of a plate being pushed towards him woke him immediately out of his trance and mechanically picked up the fork and began to eat the food in front of him. James would probably be somewhere with Lily, Sirius would be brooding or trying to avoid the latest unashamed girl chasing him, Remus would be in the library and he, Peter was in the kitchen with a sad faraway look in his eyes. Everything was in its place.

Brooding over his eggs Sirius eyed everyone as they made their way into the Great Hall fro breakfast. Those with bleary eyes who never wanted to get up and those who were bursting to get to a class or to someone. With interest he eyed a brunette with two of her friends enter the hall. Her friends were giggling and pointing at someone and she merely rolled her green eyes in annoyance. She snapped at them and made her way over to an empty spot on a table, not looking distinctly worried that her friends were glaring at her. Her friends started to whisper until she turned to them and said:

"Breezy in here isn't it? It's funny though I can't feel it, but I can definitely hear it" and with her final retort she left the hall without a backwards look.

Sirius' smiled into his eggs. She had spirit and she didn't like her friends gossiping. _All excellent traits _Sirius thought to himself with another smile, quite unaware that James was staring at with a look of incredulity on his face. Consuming the rest of his breakfast at an alarming rate he strode out of the hall, with a touch of smile playing on his lips. James and Remus traded looks with eyebrows raised and Peter waited to see the question behind those looks, but it never came. He returned quietly and unnoticed to his breakfast.

Meanwhile the green eyes which had so quickly turned on her supposed friends were now deep in concentration. Transfiguration was never an easy subject by anyone's standards. This class was with the Hufflepuffs who, while mostly a friendly bunch, were finding it increasingly difficult. She was without a doubt a talented witch, who neither wanted nor needed her friends gossiping about everyone's private lives, including her own. She was quite aware that she hadn't had a boyfriend for some time now. She tried not to let it bother her. She was told she was intimidating, but that could not be so. She merely spoke her mind when it was necessary and did not normally take no for an answer.

Cutting into her thoughts was the clear and commanding voice of Professor McGonagall informing the class of their homework and dismissing them. Lost in thought her eyes were glued to the ground, looking forward to a nice shower and possibly…

WHAM! She had run straight into someone and promptly dropped her stuff. Sirius Black leant down to help her pick up her books, but she uttered:

"I don't need your help"

Confronted Sirius looked like a deer caught in headlights when he realised who he had run into, or more specifically, who had run into him. The words weren't particularly harsh but very defiant. He bent down any way and began to retrieve his own belongings, sneaking glances at the girl the entire time.

_Just speak to her you moron_ he thought to himself, desperately trying to find a subject to start a conversation with.

"Uh, nice weather" he started mental kicking himself for not being able to think of a better topic. Instead of replying she raised an eyebrow and left, while Sirius grinned dopily. He shook his head, what was the matter with him? He normally didn't care about the weather and normally he could charm he pants off most people. Why had this girl affected him so strongly? He been standing still with a stupid grin on his face for a few second before he realised he was holding one of her books. He started to call out:

"Hey, wait up…you" he stopped realising he didn't know her name. It wasn't because she was stunning or had big boobs, because she didn't, but there was definitely something different about her.

Opening the book he found written in hasty writing

_Property of Dorcas Meadows_

He smiled, now he didn't have to ask her what her name was.

Meanwhile Peter sat in the library hurriedly trying to finish an essay Professor Slughorn had set them on making Veritaserum. It was desperately tricky and without Remus' help Peter's essay was only four inches long and he definitely needed at least another eight inches for Slughorn to accept it.

A small, short blonde girl dropped her books onto Peters table, they landed with a crash. She looked mortified and blushed a very deep shade of red.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered hurriedly without meeting Peter's eyes. He was shocked, normally girls didn't even notice him, let alone get embarrassed around him. Another perfect day, he had scared off another girl. Scratch scratch scratch. Even the quills seemed to mock him and his four inch essay.

Meanwhile Sirius slammed his book shut irritated and getting nowhere. Gathering his books and his thoughts he strode out of the library taking the little known shortcut to the Gryffindor common room. Hearing raised voices he paused and followed them along a corridor to the left. At the end of the corridor was a classroom where a boy sat huddled in a chair surrounded by three older and definitely much larger boys. The grey eyes darkened, but before he moved to help the young man he noticed a figure in the shadows. One of the older boys who slightly resembled a troll raised his fist with a manic grin plastered on his face. The shadow whispered and the fist hit the young man's face only nothing happened. It appeared to bounce right off, as if the small boy's face was made of stone.

Incredulous and troll like boy gaped at his collegues who looked equally as equally dumbfounded as the small boy seated in the middle of the room. One of then cronies made to slam the small boy into the desk but somehow managed to trip over his own shoelaces which had miraciously tied themselves together. All the three of the older boys began to spout giant yellow pus filled boils and they scrambeled for the door with terrified expressions.

The small boy glanced around the room and then yelled "AND DON"T COME BACK!" with a huge grin on his face. He left the room with an unmistakable swagger. A quiet chuckle came from the shadows and Sirius watched as Dorcas Meadows turned quickly and walked in the opposite direction.

"HEY MEADOWS" Sirius yelled and she turned so quickly Sirius swore he heard her robes crack.

"WHAT" she yelled back vehemsouly.

"I saw what you did back there" he began.

"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's bullies" she said, none of the ice in her voice disappearing "or players" she added as an after thought glancing at Sirius with one eyebrow raised.

"You think that, _I'm _a player?" Sirius asked.

"You've yet to prove me otherwise" she snapped resuming her walk away from him.

"Well that's thoroughly predictable. You know, you shouldn't assume so much" Sirius muttered his grey eyes cloudy and he turned to walk away from her.

"Oi wanker, don't walk away from me!" she spat.

"And why's that? Is it only you that has that priviledge?" he said not waiting for an answer "what is it exactly that troubles you so much about me?" he asked coldly.

"What exactly?" she asked exasperatedly "how long do we have?"

Sirius couldn't take it anymore. He closed the distance between them and crushed his lips against hers and pinned her against the wall. Electricity coursed through her spine and just as she was about to grab his robes and pull him closer and turned and walked away.

_Oh good lord what am I getting myself into_ Sirius thought on the way to the common room. This girl was already leaving an impression on him, he couldn't stand the heat so he left the kitchen, or more specifically ran from the heat. The emotion was so raw and new there was nothing to do but run and escape his thoughts.

A/N: Okay let me explain. There are many reasons as to why not so many updates recently with good reasons I assure you, the most prominent is I dislike the past couple of chapters. I put them all up at once to see what you make of them, I am expecting terrible reviews to tell you the truth. I am working on improving it. Finally I found Sirius a girl after much searching! Let me know what you think. If the last chapter is a bit choppy you'll have to forgive me because I have had no time to proof read! And now on to the thank-you's…

**Madsdagirl: **In response to the shortness I have made most of my chapters longer and I have also put three chapters up at once so hopefully it makes up for it! Abortion is a controversial topic no matter what country you live in and not only socially. I have recently finished reading a study and abortion's links to crime rates in terms of economics. Bizarre conclusions were drawn but it was so interesting I couldn't tear myself away! However the study only included America and Romania so it is hardly a picture of the whole world…anyway I appear to be rambling! Let me know if the latest chapters are horrible. Thank you for the review and all the lovely things you say about my work, and you're right not many people would have mentioned abortion for good reason!

**Rayolis: **hahaha well contrary to popular belief I am not dead, however I am sorry! I realise explanations sound like excuses, but I can however apologise. My valentines day (wow that was a long time ago!) was not everything I hoped for, but things rarely are! My expectations are far too high and unfortunately I know it! I am no imposter I just dislike the past couple of chapters, but I needed to included lots of these aspects, so bare with me. Thank you again for your words of encouragement and comments.

**LBuccalo: **Ah, I missed your thoughtfulness and clearly thought out comments, amazing truly. I always read your reviews very carefully (not only because they are full of praise) but because the situation can be gauged by your responses. When I wrote Alice's reaction to the abortion I was thinking about what you might think of it, seeing as it is indeed a terrible mix of emotions bearing a terrible weight which can indeed destroy people. I understand if you do not like the past chapters so much, it is merely one option of what someone may go through, partial based on my own experiences with other people. In such a complex situation it is impossible to properly portray any one persons experience but for someone that has such a personal link I hope that it has not offended you. I'm going to have to learn more languages simply so I can thank you in them, Merci biensur!

**Marauders babe: **You review my stories, it's the least I can do to review yours! I love your crazy vignettes, they always make me laugh. Hopefully you do not hate the past couple of chapters because I do! Thank you for everything

**White Camilla: **hahaha yes I have updated and a few chapters at once as my form of an apology. Thank you so much for your interest in my story and your wonderful reviews!

**FireQueen618: **I DID IT, I found Sirius a girl. Tell me what do you think of her? Okay? Thanks for all your help by the way, its fantastic to have someone to give me ideas when I run out, your advice helped me create Dorcas, now the real challenge is whether you think she's up to scratch? THANK YOU

**Animiegirl02: **thank you : )

**Sirius1Fan: **Yes Alice did have an abortion (although from the chapters I've just posted hopefully its clear now!) You're quite correct in stating that abortion is a controversial issue but for some reason it gave me more incentive to write about, as I have stated it doesn't necessarily depict my views, it is simply one view and a sea of complexity! I love your thoughts, and I believe (even if you thinks it babble) that you are quite correct. A writer, (much like any other type of artist) attempts to address the issues in their world which are poignant for them and to bring them to life in what ever way they see fit. Just because an issue is controversial does not mean I won't write about it, however I am determined not to be portrayed as someone with a closed mind an as such I am happy to listen to any person's point of view on the matter. Thank you for your review it gave me courage to post these new chapters which aren't so great, but hopefully aren't terrible either!

**-sHiVeRiNg sMiLe-: **Yes I was talking about the Spanish one, I have been trying really hard to learn Spanish, seeing as I have learnt French. I love Spanish so much more but I'm still learning. It has been my goal for quite some time to be multi-lingual if only to appreciate everything other languages have to offer. Slowly slowly! You are right, everybody does avoid writing about it for some countries have different views and may discuss it more than other countries or even social groups. However I decided to try and tackle it just to see what the reaction would be and basically to see if I could do it! I thought quite a lot about your comments on Frank and James. Reading back it does look like they change their minds quite quickly especially James (for Frank never did agree however it happened with or without his consent, he had no choice). I did not mean to write it like that and have tried to rectify for I merely meant to present Lily's anger and his reaction to her anger not the issue at hand (hopefully that makes some sense). Indeed Lily is pushy but that's how I want her, however Alice I wanted to be independent and not inflict her views on Frank. I agree, it is a tad unrealistic that Alice did not talk to Frank more before she had the abortion, also intentional. The decision was made quickly so it could be thoroughly analysed in further chapters and I wanted more or less to show what can happen to people going through this trauma, having seen this first hand. This may have shown the decision as rash, also unintentional. I suppose I wanted to keep the plot moving for it could have easily stopped there! I have found Sirius a lady friend but I'm not entirely sure what to do with her and you're right my initial thoughts were to leave him without anyone because many people don't find anyone, but I wanted some flexibility in his character even if his girl disappears somewhere down the line. Wow, sorry about the essay, your reviews really make me review (excuse the repetition) my work and think how I can improve it. Your reviews are not only well thought out but you make extremely valid points, and for that I thank you (phew).

**Gilmoregirl7878: **Thank you for all your reviews and I really appreciate it.

**Insert awesome yet inspiring…: **Well I hope it all makes sense, feel free to ask me if it doesn't! Thank you

**Akt5us: **Thanks!

**EboniteEvans: **cool name by the way! I'm glad you think my writing has improved but I fear you may be disappointed with these last chapters. Not my best I'm afraid! You're right not everyone agreed with what I had written but I'm glad you agree with her reasons. Thank you!

**EowynSaule: **Thank you, although I'm afraid the clichés may indeed crop up in some of the previous chapters let me know what you think!


End file.
